Stepping back into the world of storytelling has been a long time coming for me. For reasons I can’t quite fathom, I’ve hesitated to share my thoughts on platforms like Medium, LinkedIn, Hubstack and here. But recent life events have nudged me to embrace new beginnings after my father passed just eight days ago and I’ve found myself re-evaluating what truly matters—gratefulness, authenticity, and a clear vision for the future, along with my deep love for writing, storytelling, and inspiring others to live a life of fulfilment.

Today, I want to share some reflections on the themes guiding me through this transition period: clarity, joy, and staying true to oneself. These aren’t just buzzwords; they’re the pillars that have helped me navigate instability, rebuild hope, and find the strength to carve out a new path forward. I invite you to join me in exploring these ideas—perhaps you’ll find something that resonates with your own journey.

Clarity and Trusting That the Answers Will Come

When life feels unpredictable, our instinct is to search for immediate answers. Whether it’s grappling with a career challenge, a personal decision, or contemplating the next step in a relationship, we often feel the need to control every detail.

What I’ve learned is that true clarity emerges when we let go of that need for micromanagement. Instead, try setting an intention for how you’d like to feel instead, take a step back, and allow things to unfold naturally.

The insights you’re seeking will arrive when they’re truly needed—not necessarily when you wish for them to and there’s a subtle yet profound difference between what’s essential for our well-being and what’s driven by fleeting desires. What I know for sure is that the Universe has a way of providing what we need, and chasing after more can sometimes lead us away from the happiness that is available to us in the present moment.

Joy and Embracing Happiness in the Present Moment

It’s easy to fall into the trap of perpetual searching—always striving for the next achievement or milestone. While wanting more is natural, there’s immense value in pausing and appreciating where we are right now.

Embracing joy means shifting from a mindset of scarcity and unpredictability to one of gratitude and contentment. By honouring our present, we open ourselves up to unexpected moments of happiness and inspiration.

This state of grateful awareness not only enriches our personal lives but also fuels our creativity and resilience. It’s a powerful reminder that happiness isn’t something to chase—it’s something to experience in the here and now.

Authenticity and Staying True to Yourself

As clarity begins to emerge and positive changes start to take shape, it’s tempting to question whether we’re ready or deserving of these new opportunities. We often spend so much time wishing and wanting that, when success finally arrives, we sometimes self-sabotage but this is precisely when authenticity matters the most.

Staying true to yourself means embracing your unique strengths and achievements without compromise. Trust that your genuine self is enough. Authenticity is the key to unlocking sustained success and fulfilment, whether this is in your personal or professional life. Let authenticity be your guiding principle in every decision and interaction, laying a strong foundation for meaningful growth as you do.

A Future Vision Rooted in Gratitude

When clarity, joy, and authenticity come together, they create a powerful vision for the future—one that is both inspiring and sustainable. By trusting the process, appreciating our journey, and staying true to who we are, we build a foundation for a future filled with promise and fulfilment. Every step, every moment of reflection, and every act of gratitude contributes to a larger narrative of growth and success.

Here are a few journaling prompts to help you reflect on these themes:

• How can you maintain clarity when life feels unpredictable?
• In what ways do you cultivate joy and gratitude in your daily routine?
• What practices help you stay authentic in your personal and professional journey?

Final Thoughts

I used to share my reflections on my journey of self-discovery through writing, which later evolved into training sessions, events, and more. Recently, however, my desire to write has been reawakened. Here I am, embracing whatever comes next in this ever-changing moment.

I may not know exactly how this journey will unfold, but I’m deeply grateful for every challenge and every moment that has led me here. If these words resonate with you, I encourage you to embrace your own journey of clarity, joy, and authenticity.

Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

The post Embracing Clarity, Joy, And Authenticity in Everyday Life appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here

In episode #75, I discuss how you know the difference between fear and intuition. I cover how we never really make mistakes in life. How we can use our bodies to better understand our feelings and emotions about particular decisions. How taking the choice away is a great indicator of what this really means to you. And the more important a decision as to your soul's expansion the more you will resist whatever it is!

Like this episode? Are you a spiritual entrepreneur, looking to use visualisation more in your business? Check out the Visualise and Thrive Business Club.

The post How do You Know the Difference Between Fear and Intuition? appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here

In episode #73, I am joined by fellow podcaster and optimist Andrea Johnson, an optimism expert, professional encourager, coach, and speaker, helping women find their community and freedom. She is dedicated to authentic growth. Following her 6 tenets of intentional optimism, she helps women on their own personal growth journeys. 

In this episode, we cover:

More from Andrea Johnson

Andrea's Facebook Group

Andreas Instagram

Andrea's LinkedIn

Mentioned in the Show

Leave a Review on Itunes to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

Get a Create Your Vision Power Hour Plus+ A 90 Minute Spiritual Performance Coaching Session

Get on the waitlist for Visualise and Thrive

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Join the Visualise You Community  and access Weekly Live Ask Me Anything's

More from Beth

Get My Book The Power of Scripting

Access The Visualisation Vault

Complete the Visualise You Audience Survey

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

[00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Visualise You Show. Now, today, this is my first guest interview in Season Two. I am so excited to bring you a lot more interviews this season, and I'm kicking off this guest interview with Andrea Johnson. Now Andrea is an optimism expert.

We met last year as we were starting our podcasts exactly at the same time. Andrea is a professional encourager coach and speaker, and she helps women find their community and freedom. She's dedicated to helping others authentically grow through her six tenants of intentional optimism.

And I really think you're going to absolutely love today's episode. Now, whenever my interview is going over 50 minutes, I like to break them down into two parts. So, we're kicking off today with part 1. And in this interview, I talked to Andrea about her early childhood years, living in South Korea and how that gave her a real global view on how to [00:01:00] empathize and connect with others and other faiths and cultures from all over the world.

We talk about what it means to be an intentional optimist and to understand who we are and our core values and beliefs.

We also talk about the difference between intentional optimism and that buzzword that seems to be going around right now called toxic positivity and why we really need to acknowledge both the lightness and the darkness and all of our shadow sides, the good and the bad.

Whenever we are doing work on us. I talked to Andrea about her recent pivot to start her own business and to follow her own soul's calling when she no longer felt she was making the impact you wanted to make in the world via her corporate nine to five. And when those whispers just started to get stronger and stronger, I really hope you enjoy this episode.

And don't forget to check back for part two of the interview.

[00:01:53] Beth: [00:02:00] Hi. Okay. Welcome to another edition of the Visualise You Show we're into season two and I'm so excited to have Andrea Johnson joining us today. Hi, Andrea.

[00:02:55] Andrea: Hello, my friend, how are you today?

[00:02:57] Beth: I am really good. I’m really like [00:03:00] upbeat today. I think the sun is still shining it's September and we don't always have sun this time of year, so I'm really enjoying the sun

Here's the weird thing. it's hazy here

[00:03:09] Beth: Oh, whereabouts are you?

[00:03:12] Andrea: I'm in Virginia. I'm near Charlottesville, Virginia?

Which is where the University of Virginia is. And just about ninety miles south of DC and ninety miles west of Richmond. So right by the beautiful Shenandoah mountains.

[00:03:25] Beth: Sounds beautiful there are no mountains where I am at all, but they do sound delicious. So, I normally just kick off the show, just by letting our listeners know all about you. but we've known each other for a while. And just some context for our listeners. So, we met probably just over a year ago now, wasn't it?

When we both started a podcast at the same time. So, I feel like I know various parts of your life journey. So, there were various points I was interested in. So, one of them was around you living, in South Korea as a child.

[00:03:58] Andrea: Oh, sure

[00:03:59] Beth: Yeah. And [00:04:00] how it must have had to impact, having that global world view must've had an impact on you at a young age.

[00:04:06] Andrea: it did. and what's interesting is for the longest time I tried to suppress that. I look back now. And so, part of my growth journey is that I've been able to embrace that worldview better. And, I grew up, my parents were missionaries, so I am a woman of Christian faith and, I married a pastor.

So, to stay in that, in that genre. But we went there when. In second grade, finishing up second grade, went to an international school. There's quite an expatriate community in South Korea. And just for reference, speaking to a global community, most people know that when you say Korea it usually means South Korea.

But in the United States, a lot of times people don't understand that. I found early on that being an international third culture kid was so different that it really caused tension. And so, [00:05:00] we would come home for furlough. every three to four years, and we came home from my sixth-grade year, and I remember hearing, oh, here comes miss Korea, this and Ms Korea that I thought, oh, I should stop talking. And so, the more I tried to fit in the more, I just tampered that down. But as I matured and grew and started looking at who I'm trying to become or who I am becoming. I realized it had even more impact on me than I realized.

It was the community. The Korean people are extremely open and welcoming. Their culture is one of education, which when you get into my career story, it's oh Yeah!  That totally makes sense. Because it was in all higher education and they are very. They're friendly by nature. And I think that's part of where I get some of that, the community expatriate community, they were amazing, but I also grew up seeing different things.

I didn't grow up in one little corner [00:06:00] where I only saw one type of religion or one type of demographic or one type of culture. I grew up in a school with kids from sixty-five different countries.

So, I'm dating myself a little bit, but we had Iranian kids during the late seventies early eighties, when they, kidnapped the people from the New York embassy.  You learn how to deal with conflict while still being friends with people and looking past certain differences in order to come together.  And I think that's a little bit of what shaped me into who I am today.

[00:06:37] Beth: I think that's really powerful. I think today there's more, multicultural aspects to everyday life, and we are more open to those experiences and differences and cultures and people and religions. But I think maybe back then, it wasn't, I think, that's really special that you have that.

[00:06:55] Andrea: I will tell you, I’m the intentional optimist. I'm all about, but realistic [00:07:00] optimism. but I will tell you, there are big pockets in the United States that do not understand Diversity of culture, yes. And, and just their blessings and curses to being just this humongous country.

And so that's a little bit of what we're working through here in the states is helping everybody get to that place. And not everybody is. It's hard. Sometimes it's hard work when you're not used to doing that. but I think overall because of social media and the internet, we have become much more globally-minded.

[00:07:30] Beth: So, tell our listeners who is Andrea Johnson, who is the intentional optimist? What does that all mean?

[00:07:36] Andrea: Oh, the intentional optimist is, I was looking for a name for a business and I really wanted to do something along the lines of sanguine with the old, sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric personality types, because. I think we all have a challenge sometimes in our lives to be that positive, sunny, to be that optimistic and to see the bright side of things.

And [00:08:00] I didn't understand how I could actually do that. when I was growing up. There's a part of me. that's very natural. It comes naturally. But like I said, I suppressed much of that. but my career journey through higher education, it was like, I fell into it.

I had no intention of working for Atlantic Ivy league schools and that kind of thing. but becoming the intentional optimist was a very concerted effort to understand who I really want to be. And when you talk about, you're really good at talking about pivots, talking about pivot moments. And when I decided, I don't want to continue on this path that I'm on because I'm miserable or I don't see myself there in 10 years that's when I just said, all right, what is it?

And I just went back and re-examined did that hard work. What do I believe? What have I been taught? Do I still espouse these things? Do I still espouse the theological and doctrinal things that I've been taught? The cultural things, the political things that I've been taught, all those.

[00:08:58] Andrea: And when I went to look back at them and [00:09:00] figure them all out, I came out with this almost philosophical statement of. This is who I am. And there are six tenets of intentional optimism and they're based on Proverbs chapter 31. But when I did that, I said, then what do I do with these? And I said, oh, I want other people to learn how to be themselves authentically and to grow as well.

And especially women have a real heart for women. And so that's the impetus behind what I do and what the intentional optimist is.

[00:09:30] Beth: I love all of that. we can talk about those tenets as well. Because I think, I feel very much the same. Like I've always been well actually when I was little, I wasn't super positive. I always had a bit of a glum face when I was very little, but I do feel now like my default button is positivity, but at the same time, I have this.

And you may come across this a little bit in the work that you do, is that there's a lot about toxic positivity and actually not allowing ourselves to feel all the feels when we're going through [00:10:00] those tough times, we still have to go through all of that. We can't just be super positive and then suppress what is actually going on underneath.

So, you come across that as part of the work that you're doing. Are you hearing more about toxic positivity?

[00:10:14] Andrea: I do. And I want to make it very clear that intentional optimism with that intentionality behind it is to see all of the sides. And when you start delving into what the tenants actually are, you realize that without seeing the dark. The light doesn't mean as much when you don't see the dark, the good doesn't mean as much when you don't see the things that are hard.

And if you're not willing to work through them, you can't get to a good place and to where you want to be. And those things always hold you back. Putting your head in the sand is never a solution. And that's what toxic positivity is to me to always look for the bright side. That's not a bad trait to be a half-full person.  That's not a bad trait. Those are all good traits.

[00:11:00] But in order to do that, you have to be able to be willing to see the things that aren't great because you can't grow without seeing the things that you need to grow in. yesterday, the sermon it was when somebody gives you. Oh gosh, he was just, he was making a good point about, the fact that there are times that we have to admit that there's something that we need to work on in order to accept certain gifts.

He said, if somebody gives you a gift of mouthwash in order for you to be able to say a sincere, thank you for that. You have to admit the fact that, you need help with your breath.

And so, in order to grow, you have to be willing to see the places where you must grow and in the toxic positive world. You're not seeing anything you're pretending. it's like putting one of those Instagram filters or Snapchat filters on and only seeing the really sparkly.

[00:11:50] Beth: Yeah. And I'm just hearing more and more about, I just wondered what other coaches who have got more of an optimistic, positive outlook in the [00:12:00] work that they do, deal with that and those things that come up.

So, do you want to talk about the six tenets?

[00:12:07] Andrea: Absolutely. so really quick, the background of them is, like I said, they're based on Proverbs chapter 31. So, I am a woman of the Christian faith. but when I teach. That's just who I am, but that's not necessarily, I don't necessarily teach a Bible study. that's not where I go. Proverbs is a book of wisdom and, my mother was an amazing woman.

She was one of those that was like a bottle of champagne. She would walk into a room and the bubbles would just like, oh, Judy's here. And everybody loved her. And, when she retired, my dad gave her a Hebrew beautifully framed calligraphy of the Proverbs 31 passage, talking from King Lemuel's mother to him telling him how to find an amazing woman.

And it was calligraphy, done by hand by this Rabbi in Jerusalem and when we lost her in 2017 to breast cancer, that was the impetus that really got me thinking about [00:13:00] what I want to be like. Life is short. I see now that she is gone, and I am the next oldest.

And so how do I want to look at this? And moving my dad, especially out of his house and into an apartment, I looked at that thing. And I thought I have always thought I understood that. What is it? So, I went back and read it and I realized she is not this demure woman who follows people around and has homeschool’s or children in Cannes. She is this amazing business. She buys a field. She plants the grapes, she grows the vines, and then she sells the wine. She is a land developer. She's a fashion designer and a maker of purple cloth, which back in those times was meant you were rich.

And she was a philanthropist. Her husband's name was well-known because of her. And so, she’s just short of being an independent woman of means and really strong and a [00:14:00] leader. And it was just, I like had new eyes to see her and I thought, oh, that's okay. This is okay for me. This is what I want.

This is what I can do. And so, when I started looking at all the personal growth that I had done from starting at about twenty-one because part of my personal story is bulimia and depression. And so, my very first personal growth tool that I got was through an inpatient 12-week inpatient program. And I didn't have any psychological tools.

When you have tools in your tool belt, you can actually handle life better. so, I took all of that personal growth and leadership tools and I sat down, and I said, I just started writing out what I believe. And then they just got grouped into different things, different categories. And then they floated themselves out to about six main things with some subcategories. And I talk about it, like going into a crucible and coming out with the gem and when you put coal under extreme heat and pressure. You come out with a diamond and, it might be an Emerald for some people or [00:15:00] whatever but, either way, growing up in Korea, we did spend time on the west coast, on the yellow sea every summer at this beautiful beach.

And that is the culture and the community that I long to recreate, for the women that I work with. And quite frankly, I'm around and for myself. and it was just one of inclusion and welcoming, and we could try anything and do anything. And so, all of those things coming together, helped me figure out how to explain the tenets of intentional optimism as a sailboat.

I grew up sailing. So, we were poor missionaries, but we still had a little sunfish sailboat, a little 14-footer. So, I describe it as optimistic as your first tenet. And it is your hull, it's the boat. If you want to get from island to island, be the best way to do it is in some kind of vessel. So that's you're deciding to change it, to move forward.

And it doesn't necessarily mean seeing things all sunny, it just means. I've decided to move forward, right? So that's the, I see things could be better and it includes things like [00:16:00] hope and positivity and being proactive about things. But that's your hull. Then the next piece is presence, which is your centreboard.

And if you know anything about boats, you've got to have something going down into the water to keep you from falling over. So, it keeps you grounded. It keeps you vertical. It's having this sense of wonder and generosity and kindness and openness. The third tenant is energetic, which is your sale.

We create some of our own energy, but a lot of times just having the sail in the right place to capture the opportunities, the wind that comes through. And that also shows why it's so important to have a good centreboard, because that's what balances you, when the wind blows really hard, you got to be present, right?

So that's your third tenet and energetic includes things like being industrious. I talked about that woman who was the land developer. She always had something in the works. but just actually having energy and joy and being life focused. That's all part of being [00:17:00] energetic. The fourth one is courageous, and this is your rigging on a sailboat.

If you don't have ropes that tie your sail down or that pull it in, you've got to be able to let it out sometimes and tighten it up sometimes. And that takes a lot of courage letting go of things can be harder than holding them tightly. And sometimes you need to do that. And if you get a lot of wind coming through your sail, if you're not ready to go fast then you have to let out.

But if you're ready to go, you can tighten it up and it all tips and people lean out over the side and just fly. That's where the courage comes in. Oh, I just got cold chills. That's when you know, you've got something good when it excites you. but that's the leadership aspect of intentional optimism is the adventure and, resilience, all that in courage, the fifth one is wise, and this is your rudder on a bigger boat, your wheel, right. Where this keeps you going in the direction you want to go. This includes things like understanding the world as it is. This is part of seeing both the good and the bad and understanding you and understanding [00:18:00] others. It has to do with the words we speak so important.

You know that as a visualizer, it's not just what you think. It's what you speak. Those are really important. Those words, help heal, harm, destroy all of it. And then having respect that makes us a wise person. All of a sudden you respect people and then it’s just so much wiser in the way you respond, but then pulling it all together is intentionality.

And this has to do with a sense of purpose. Your WHY. It has to do with planning and being on a trajectory of growth. And if you don't have intentionality that lovely boat with all of its great pieces and parts is never going to get in the water. And that's where a boat needs to be in order to actually do what a boat is supposed to do.

It's not supposed to sit on the sand. It's supposed to be in the water or at the dock. It's supposed to be in the water, moving you from one place to another. So that's intentional, optimism.

[00:18:55] Beth: [00:19:00] I love all of that. I was letting you say all that because I didn't want to interject at various points when you're trying to outline all those things. I love the boat analogy. I've used it myself and often with visualizations I'll often say visualization is about having that map of where you go n your boat and the compass and where you're heading and all of that.

There are a few different aspects. I suppose I want to go back to. So, you started your story talking about [00:20:00] this beautiful. what would you call it like embroidered calligraphy?

[00:20:04] Andrea: Oh, yes. Yes. It's all in Hebrew and it's just gorgeous. It's gilded and all kinds of stuff.

[00:20:09] Beth: so, I think, I don't know if I was listening to, I think Dr D's social network podcasts, were you were talking about, I think your mum as having all of these skills and experiences, and being powerful and capable of doing so much. And when she came back, she didn't necessarily do all of those things.

And I think as you were talking, then that self-awareness, that you have had, I think, throughout all of your life, from being little in South Korea, from understanding your mom and how she showed up in the world, no negativity there.

But your self-awareness all of that and going actually, no, I want to do this differently. I want to show women. what they are capable of, I think you've got so much self-awareness I totally admire that. [00:21:00]

[00:21:00] Andrea: thank you.

[00:21:00] Beth: And I just loved the boat analogy. I think there's a lot of self-awareness there, as well around when you were saying, pulling the [00:21:12]

Andrea: The rigging.

[00:21:13] Beth: the rigging again, you need to know where you are. You need to know what the conditions are. You need to know what you're working with. You need to know, what you're trying to achieve. And again, that comes back to that. The self-awareness I just got chilled then too.

[00:21:26] Andrea: and you've tapped into the nuances of it all. It's not like you're just on this calm lake with no wind it's, you're probably in the ocean. and I do talk about going from island to island because we are not guaranteed calm seas. We are never guaranteed that just because we put our boat in the water, it's never going to tip over.

We have to have that, understanding of the currents. This is all part of wisdom too. And you have to understand where the currents are going, because if you're taking advantage of the wind. You don't have a motor on this boat. So, if you don't take advantage of the [00:22:00] wind and understand how sometimes your sail needs to be at a 90-degree angle to your boat, or it needs to be at a forty-five in order to get you where you want to go, it's not just like driving a car, right?

This is much more of an understanding of what's going on around you, the wind, the currents, the waves. When we can do that, and fully sit in what those things are then that it just is amazing. The amount of power that it gives you to say, oh, I want to go over there. So, this needs to tweak here, and this needs to tweak here and I'm going to head in that direction.

[00:22:36] Beth: I think it's a brilliant analogy. I love all aspects of that. So, let's get back to the pivoting. you're going through a pivot right now with the business and we can talk about that. Have there been other pivots along the journey that you want to share with our listeners today?

[00:22:51] Andrea: We all have life pivots, right? Like I said, I was in the hospital for bullying and depression. I ended up with gastric bypass surgery, [00:23:00] which was a huge pivot for me when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I was morbidly obese. And then I found out I’m infertile.  So, the pivot of adopting.

But career-wise the biggest pivot was my mother’s last year. And when she started going into hospice and every time if you live with a cancer patient, you know that every time they get a pet scan or every time they get an MRI, you're always waiting with bated breath to see what's going to show up.

And so, you never know. And that process of watching. The way I responded to her insecurity of the future, and I don't mean that she was insecure. I just mean it was unsure, but also watching her faith and her confidence in where she believed she was going eternally and her ability to say, I'm not interested in leaving this planet anytime soon.

I don't want to do that. But if I have to, I'm ready, watching that process, if you've ever watched [00:24:00] someone go through that kind of transition, it will change you. I'm not saying that death is beautiful because I was there and I'm not going to say that, but, the transition process and the way we handle it can be very beautiful, especially when you talk about self-awareness but watching that and then saying, okay, now what, in February of 2017 was the biggest pivot for me.

I spent my entire career. I never planned this, almost my entire career in higher education. And I started off working in college for a professor. And then I met my husband in grad school at the seminary and ended up working there and it just never occurred to me that I would do that. when we moved to Baltimore from my husband to pastor a church, we thought maybe I could do my own thing.

And so, I was like a Mary Kay person. I wanted to be an entrepreneur from the beginning. But I just had to discover how, and I was not self-aware enough to do it at the time. It just wasn't time. And so, a friend offered me an opportunity in the Johns Hopkins school of the medicine cancer centre. And Sure [00:25:00] I can do administrative assistant work. And I started there, ended up moving into research administration and grants, administration, working with budgets and regulation and all that kind of stuff. And then moving into the University of Virginia, where I moved further into research administration and operations and leadership, and it never occurred to me to do that career path.

There were things I loved about it. Things. I really didn't love it, but we all have that in any kind of work that we do. Even my business. Now, there are things it's okay, I have to do this, or I need to do this in order to make my business succeed. but the biggest pivot was realizing if I look down the road, I see in this particular career, I don't see myself going much higher. I don't see myself achieving the things I want to achieve. I don't see myself impacting many people. And I would tell myself. if I put this grant through and we can do a clinical trial and save people's lives, that impacts people, but I need to touch them.

[00:25:59] Andrea: I need to [00:26:00] see them and I'm not a clinical person. I learned that way early on when I was a nursing major and realized I couldn't give somebody a shot. So that was no more!

[00:26:08] Beth: I couldn't do that either.

[00:26:09] Andrea: And so that was my biggest revelation for me to say, all right, what do I love? And how can I move forward? I did What Colour is Your Parachute? Those kinds of things and realized I needed to be in a more relational kind of work. And so that's when I moved into more of, a supervisory role, which can be relational. but when you're supervising people it's not all coaching. It's not all encouraging. I'm very carrot versus stick oriented. I'm an optimist.

[00:26:42] Andrea: So, I prefer, and you can't always do that. When you supervise people, you have to have hard conversations. So, I learned much through all of that. The biggest pivot was just realizing, all right. The piece I love is helping people grow. And so how do I do that? And is coaching really a [00:27:00] thing.

Is that really a job? And so, I just had to really look at it and then figure out, what do I believe and how am I going to do this? And then I realized, okay, it's not just coaching, it's speaking. and so, I speak, and I teach and that's why when the podcast opportunity came along, I said, oh, why did I never think of that?

I hope that answered your question.

[00:27:22] Beth: It does and I think for anybody that's listening to the podcast who is in a corporate nine to five or is doing something within their career right now that it may be fulfilling on some level, or it may not be fulfilling at all. And knowing that actually, you might be making. really positive impact on people, but actually, is it in relation to your soul's calling?

Is that what you're supposed to be doing in the longer term? Because that's different and we can fall back and I did it for the longest time, moving from job to job, trying to find where I fitted in, when actually the place I fitted in was doing the thing that I was supposed to do, not trying to fit into. [00:28:00]somebody else's corporate world.  So, anybody that's listening to that just knows that, listen to those whispers of the heart or in your ears or wherever you hear those whispers. and know that there's another way there's another path available.

[00:28:15] Andrea: And for me even, it was, I would have conflicts with my boss or with the general overall mission of the department or the school and, wow. Johns Hopkins and the University of Virginia. Those are amazing institutions, especially their schools of medicine, cancer centres. They do amazing work. I cannot at all disparage anything, they do amazing work.

They're just a big institution and they're not my work. And so, there's when I realized I'm having conflicts here, that's part of it was like, hello, wake up. it's sometimes the whispers are not, sometimes the whispers are yelling.

[00:28:51] Beth: I think the longer you leave it, they get louder from my experience.

[00:28:55] Andrea: and I remember telling you early on that your story of being a serial quitter [00:29:00] was very inspiring to me because I'm 55 and women at my age, are still of a generation where we were taught longevity and a job is golden. And you have to prove you have sticking power.

And I'm like, but why I don't want sticking power. I want to do this other thing. And we’re also taught that it's not okay to want what we want, and I'm not sure why we're taught that and sometimes it's not even and this is another piece of the whisper thing is I've had to realize that many of the things I believed in espouse were not specifically taught to me.

They were maybe said to me early on or insinuated. But I somehow embraced those, and I had to take the responsibility to take them off. I had to take the responsibility to name them and say, I'm not this anymore. I don't espouse this patriarchal view. I don't espouse this conservative political view.

I don't espouse this racial, view. I had [00:30:00] to say those things and take them, literally take them off. it just, there was times it felt like ripping because they're so ingrained in. But when we're willing to do that, it means that we have the ability to grow further because those things were holding us down.

Those things were, making us smaller and, being able to listen to those whispers or the yelling or whatever it is, and just take responsibility

[00:30:25] Beth: and it's liberating when you can when you realize that actually, you've got the reigns, you can do this. You don't need to be told when to do it. you can just take back control.

[00:31:29] Beth: [00:32:00] So when did you realize with this current pivot that now is the time I'm going for it?

[00:32:29] Andrea: so, the current pivot that you're referring to is that I am a full-time self-employed entrepreneur. and I guess, two years in a row, I had my goal of, leaving my job to be full-time. And first, it was December of 2019, and then it was December of 2020 because it's really easy to take a paycheck and do your side hustle because the expectations that you can put on yourself are much lower. And so, all that, and some of that tearing off of things that I had to [00:33:00] happen in those two years to really make it for me. But, in January of 2021, I said, June 30, that’s it? And. It didn't quite have everything in place that I wanted but there was a conflict that happened in my job, and I was called back, from remote work. And that was it.

[00:33:21] Andrea: Even if I’m I not ready. I am ready. And. I'm married and my husband and I make decisions together. And he basically was like, all right, let's run the numbers.

And so, it doesn't have to be just like when people say, I'll wait. I talked to the girl the other day. I need to have my finances in place before I can have a child. And I said, okay. It's just whatever.  If you think that’s good for you and if you can make that happen, but life doesn't usually happen that way.

And I was reminded. What was interesting is that we were on vacation, and I had said June 30, but I hadn't given my notice and [00:34:00] they like you to give 30 days. And so, I was on vacation. I think it was June 18th or somewhere around there when this piece of info hit me on vacation. We were starting to have these conversations.  I came home and by July six, I had actually given my notice.

And so for, as a woman of Christian faith, it was almost like God said, hey, you've been saying for two years, you're going to do this. You finally said June 30, I've been trying to make this happen for you. I'm taking control. You're just doing this right.

And sometimes the things that happen in life are really good catalysts for making us just make the choices I'm notoriously long in making a decision. But once I do it, we're done. I act.

[00:34:52] Beth: And it can change in an instant. I love that you just said, this is it. This is now. So, when somebody says to me, I'm being made redundant, the first thing that I really want to [00:35:00] say is congratulations because

[00:35:03] Beth: it's like, wow, what are you going to do with the rest of your life?

I don't always say it as coldly as that, but that's what I feel like saying inside. Because it pushes us in a different direction and we might've just been hanging on, a little bit longer and there never is the right time, to just go for it.

Let's talk about that. So, if you could identify maybe one life lesson you've learned during maybe your lowest or your highest points of your career or business journey, what would you say they would be?

The first one is figuring out the life lessons of figuring out what my superpowers are, which I think we'll get into that in a minute. So, I'm going to leave that there. But seeing those, finding them and figuring those out was a big lesson. but the biggest lesson that I even learned again last week. Is just because I can do something doesn't mean I should do something.

[00:35:57] Andrea: I am a big picture and detail [00:36:00] person. I'm a DISC trainer. So that's the DISC behavioural analysis. And so, I understand that I am, an influencer. So that's like very people-oriented the gregarious happy out there person, but the very next one is the C, which is compliant, which is very detail-oriented.

And so, I've always felt like I could see the big picture, but then I could also do the details, which can feel conflicting. In my role in my career, many times it was the regulatory aspect of taking a grant from the national institutes of health, making sure that we monitor that and do everything appropriately and reporting appropriately and spending appropriately and putting all of the stuff together and doing the science well and helping the faculty and the physicians monitor all that.

That's very detail-oriented and, very regulatory. I thought maybe I would offer that as a service. as a way to bridge the gap, like as if what I do is not enough. And, I just realized, no, that's not who I am. The details are a piece of [00:37:00] me, but just, because I can do that stuff doesn't mean that I need to do it.  I need to do the work that is of my heart.

[00:37:06] Beth: I’m really glad that you said that because as entrepreneurs, I think when you come from corporate nine to five or wherever you've come from, you might have had multiple hats and be managing multiple projects, whatever, wherever your work was. And we do a lot. They get a lot for the money when we are working for corporate 9 to 5; we do all sorts of things.

And actually, the beauty of entrepreneurship is that we get to choose what we want to do, and we don't need to do it all. we can simplify it and not feel guilty or try not to be that perfectionist, even though it could be hard if you are a perfectionist, but we get to choose and niche down and drill down and go, actually, this is the piece of the puzzle that I want to really focus on. And that's what I want my gift to be. And not be everything to everybody.

And like you said, it's not even that you're a Jack of all trades. A lot of times you're told these are your goals. These are the things that you must accomplish. [00:38:00] And so in a corporate job, a lot of times you're doing things because, you have to, so you just buckle down and you do them, most of us are mature enough to get to that place where we just do our jobs. and then we find joy in the pieces that. We really enjoy it, right?

It's like we find those pieces that make the rest of it worthwhile. When you can't do that, it's time to look. but that was a lesson for me to learn as an entrepreneur. I no longer need to do that. I don't have to do the work just to make the money. I can actually put my heart into the things that when I just tell people about them passionately. They say, oh, I need a link to that course. Or, oh, I need a link to your group coaching program. I'm like, oh, I wasn't even trying to sell.

[00:38:40] Andrea: So that's when it just becomes very apparent that just because I can do something doesn't mean I should do it.

[00:38:46] Beth: And I love that totally love that a wonderful message to be sharing with the listeners. So, I think we've talked about it a little bit, but do you feel like there was something that's always been calling you along this path that you knew you were ultimately going to end up being [00:39:00] a coach and doing the work that you do today?

[00:39:04] Andrea: Oh, yeah. When you look back, hindsight is always amazing. I'm starting to call myself more of a speaker trainer coach rather than just a coach because I realized that I do have a message that I specifically want to share, and I want to help people learn through that. But when I look back and look at my own personal growth journey, that's part of it. That I want to help people understand how to have their own personal growth journey.

And when I look back at myself, I was an entertainer and I always have been, it doesn't scare me really to be on stage. I was in all kinds of Gilbert and Sullivan's and that kind of stuff. And that was the part of my beach community.  Everything was encouraged. I was a lifeguard.

I was a leader. I had a couple of years where I was the lead in the play, the musicals. And so, there were things that I learned there about myself that I could do, and enjoy. and looking back, I don't mind teaching. I don't mind [00:40:00] speaking. I don't mind singing and, people would start coming to me in my jobs.

People would start coming to me as their supervisor or not. Oh my goodness. As their former supervisor and say, I need to talk to you, and can you listen to me? I need some advice and I'd be like, okay, like, why do you want advice from me? And, what became apparent was. That was the part that I could do well. I could actually listen to people, even though I'm a talker and it's hard to get me to shut up.

And, I actually had a science teacher who threw one of those chalkboard erasers at me one time when I was in seventh grade for talking in class. But I can actually listen to people and empathize with people. Empathy was hard for me as a nurse. It meant that I felt every needle prick

[00:40:47] Beth: Yeah. That's why I couldn't be a nurse.

[00:40:49] Andrea: Yeah but it's really good when you're having a conversation with someone and to be able to turn around and say, okay, let's look at this from a different perspective. And the more I went on [00:41:00] my own personal growth journey. The more I realized, oh, not everybody has this, not everybody understands what it means to grow.

Not everybody understands that you can be more than what this path of life has you on. And so, when I look back, I see a lot of little pieces along the way like that. Especially in the last 10 years or five years when I was supervising and people would come in, I even had a former employee show up in my office, like in the middle of a panic attack and because you're a safe place for me. And I thought, wow, that is quite the compliment to be able to, for somebody to say, you're a safe place. That's okay, I need to capitalize on this. Not something I pursued, not something I thought I could do. but that's something that I need to capitalize on. And offer to people. That's what we do.  I think you used it a minute ago. It's our gift to people,

[00:41:48] Beth: And I think it's, yeah, sometimes we're in the forest and we can't actually see what our skills and experiences and all those amazing traits that we've got. What is our zone of genius and all of that good stuff. So that lets us move. [00:42:00] nicely into superpowers. So, what do you think your main superpowers are?

[00:42:06] Andrea: I think my main superpowers are relating and connecting and there are ways in which that can look a little scary for people. I will meet you. And I will start asking you curious questions. And in five minutes, I will find out everything about your life, so I have to back that up because some people are like, that's too much lady.

But there is something about my desire for community and my need for connection that fosters that ability to relate and doing my own self-awareness work has helped me see, okay. In this particular like Myers-Briggs or this Clifton strengths was probably one of the bigger ones for me. Relater is the very top one and just crystallize it all and help me say, Oh my goodness. Yeah, I really am.

Because people say you just connect. I have had people Beth come because as a supervisor I’d hired and I supervise quite a few administrative [00:43:00] assistants. And so, we ended up hiring, and I would interview a lot of people and I've had people come back to me for a reference or job reference for another job when they didn't get hired by me. And I had one girl say, I consider you a mentor. And like we talked for an hour. Okay.

Beth: And so that shows to me that I can connect with you very quickly. That shows to me that you do really listen to them, for somebody to feel like, within the hour, they must've been really listened to and understood that is a gift. That's a great gift.

And I think candour is a good part of that too because, in that position where I learned to do that, I had to tell people you're way overqualified for this job. But why are you interviewing me? I thought maybe I could help you. And, I wanted to know why, because you never know why people are applying for a job but being able to be honest and transparent with them, that's part of that relating is that. [00:44:00]

[00:44:00] Andrea: I can overshare sometimes, but I'm pretty willing to be transparent and show I'm human. I got these things, but you do too. So, let's move forward together.

[00:44:11] Beth: Yeah, I really like that. I really love that people got that from you, just from that initial meeting with you.

[00:44:18] Andrea: It's a little humbling.

[00:44:20] Beth: It really is. I'd be super proud of that if that was my superpower. [00:45:00] so let's talk about what you've got going on right now. What things are you bringing out into the world for others right now?

Andrea: Well now that I am a full-time entrepreneur, I have let go of some things that I don't have to do. And like I said, I'm really presenting myself as more of a speaker and trainer or teacher and coach. And so, in the speaking realm,

[00:45:25] Andrea: I have my podcast, which is intentional optimists’ unconventional leaders, where I teach on the intentional optimism tenets and from my perspective, on some things, then I interview women who really live out the unconventional style of female leadership. And I think it's really important for us to see as women that we don't need to lead as a man leads. And that everything that we do is leading. As people, we need to know that everything we do is leading.

Specifically, as women, we need to see that. so that's part of the speaking that I do that on that stage, and I've accepted a couple of [00:46:00] keynotes. One just got moved to a virtual instead of being in person. just because of. Hello, Delta. but I do those kinds of things. and then in that also encompasses teaching as well, because we do breakout sessions and I work with like I said, DISC, I'm a DISC trainer and I'm actually starting I’m sending a pitch out today to the local school district to promote the possibility of working with them on DISC and communication and leadership for students, faculty, and staff because it's very important to me to raise the next generation of leaders. It's very important that we have that mentoring, aspect.

And I think if I look back on themes for my life and during. It's been very learning, oriented, very mentor oriented and very help oriented. because I take something in, I process it and then I give it. It shouldn't just stay there.

So, speaking and teaching and then my coaching, I do some one-on-one coaching, but that is becoming less of a real focus. It's more of an organic thing. If somebody comes to me and [00:47:00] says, I really want one on one coaching, it's more of high touch, high dollar thing. I do have a coaching program because every time I would have a, call with someone about coaching, they would say, well don't you have a group program because I'm really drawn and I connect with other females who are Type A kind of mission-driven, they may still be in a job. But they're looking to potentially take whatever they've got going as a side hustle where they spend their emotional energy and just create that community. So, I have a group coaching program through Marco Polo channels, which is super unique. I don't know if you're familiar with them.

[00:47:35] Beth: I am familiar, but our listeners may not be familiar.

[00:47:37] Andrea: So, Marco Polo, they like to call it ‘good for you’ technology because it promotes connection. Marco polo itself is a video texting where it's asynchronous. We can text, we can video. I can put a video in for you Beth at one o'clock in the morning and you can see it tomorrow at eight or whatever.

so, coaches went to the creators of Marco polo and said, we [00:48:00] see this could be really advantageous in the coaching world. And so, they started developing their own kind of nuanced piece of that. And so, channels are a specific app and company where we can do one to many. Like I have a community of women that I coach in a specific channel.

[00:48:20] Andrea: and It's asynchronous. I'll go in and teach today. Because we're recording on a Monday and then I will teach Monday and Wednesday and they can respond with video comments. So, it's back and forth.   You don't have to be in the same place at the same time. It's ideal for busy people.

It's ideal for internationals. I have a woman in the UK. I have a woman yesterday that I talked to who's in Hawaii, and then in California, so it can be all over the globe. but then we also meet on zoom just to connect because this particular, program is very goal-oriented and rhythm oriented.

But Marco polo channels, I also have an evergreen course on there and they just finished their first [00:49:00] conference in Marco Polo channels. Which was really interesting. So, it's like my little brain is going

[00:49:06] Beth: Lots of ideas.

But I promise you there's a book in the works. And then within five years, there's at least one book and I love to write. And so, my podcast is an expression of that. I have a newsletter, that's an expression of that, my Facebook and all my postings. but I just, I love to write and, that's where the boat analogy came from was just in some musings, you know, writing.

[00:49:29] Beth: So, you touched on it a little bit there, but as an entrepreneur then, tell us about what is working for you and in terms of growing your business right now, but anybody who is maybe just started their pivot journey and moving into business, what's working for, you.

I'll be honest. I find that just personal connections are the factors that are growing my business more than anything else right now. more than my public faces. And I don't know if that's algorithms, I don't know if it's just where I am in my business right now. my summer was a little topsy-turvy because of the transition I was going through, but [00:50:00] I find that just making the personal connections with people.

[00:50:04] Andrea: And there are times when I feel like that interrupts my day. And then I'm like, oh, I had no idea she was going to buy my program just because she wanted to connect that's okay. And just being open to those kinds of things. And as I know, we're still in the middle of a global pandemic, but even just zoom connections and, sitting down with someone over coffee or interviewing them for a podcast, are where my

[00:50:27] Beth: Yeah.

[00:50:28] Andrea: growth comes from. And I think that just speaks to the fact that I'm a relater and a connector because when I'm putting a bunch of stuff out there on Facebook or Instagram, I'm still figuring out how to be that connector in those particular platforms. Because when I can talk to you when I want, it's a little different.

[00:50:43] Beth: I completely agree with that. And I've been putting more time in my diary recently of having, 20-minute conversations with people who I'm already connected with on the fringes. But actually, have we sat down and really got to know one another and no agenda just making those connections and getting to know each other.

I think there's a lot to be [00:51:00] said for that because I think like entrepreneurs. We can be so focused on the hustle and the doing, or we need to do this, we need to do this. And it's like, all these things have to do less, but actually you're right. It's in those actual relationship building and connections that we make.

[00:51:13] Andrea: And it doesn't have to be perfect, all that hustle and all those things. They don't have to be perfect. It's like I'm in this transition and my website is very life coaching oriented. And so, when people go to my website, they're going to see every life coaching oriented website. Yeah. but I'm connecting with people and doing this. other stuff so I'll get to that. It doesn't have to be perfect. They still get a sense of who I am.

[00:51:31] Beth: Absolutely. Absolutely. So, you've mentioned the book, but what else do you visualize for you coming up in the future?

[00:51:38] Andrea: So, this is where I get a little scared. because I said to, I have a business friend that, has just been really good. And I told her, I said, I just, I think I might want to be like the female Brendon Burchard or something. She said, oh, you have to do it. And whether or not, I aspire to be that big.

And on that big of a stage, the way he does his [00:52:00] business I think we have similar, or I have a similar idea of how I communicate to people and, I see myself communicating on bigger stages. I would love my group coaching program we're a very intimate little community right now, and it's really beautiful, but in the next year, I would love to see a minimum of a hundred women in there because that means that's a hundred women changed and it feels weird. I'm still, it's hard for me to still say this, but the bigger, the stage, the more people you touch. And so, I'm working on visualizing that.

[00:52:32] Beth: I love that. I love it. I can't wait for that to come into fruition, powerful stuff. you mentioned that you do more speaking gigs and keynote. So, I know that you've got one coming up in October, but you just want to mention that

[00:52:44] Andrea: I do it’s October 15th through 17th, and it is a hundred per cent virtual, and it's called believe it and own it. And it’s a businesswoman’s conference, or if you want to be a businesswoman, but it is a woman's conference [00:53:00] and it is three full days. It was going to be in person Myrtle beach it's $97.

And you get access to stuff afterwards, there'll be Q and A sessions, panel discussions as well, because she's just pivoted it to completely virtual and you can find it through, believe it and own it. Or, the name of this woman's, businesses, big girl panties on. She's all about women's empowerment and

[00:53:27] Beth: That's funny.

and yes, as a Southern evangelical woman, it's hard to say panties on the air, but I manage, I'm yeah, I'm fine. but believe it and own it. You’ll hear from coaches and people who will teach you about social media and all kinds of stuff. and I can make sure that you have a link for that for your show notes, but it's October 15 through 17.

[00:53:49] Andrea: I think it. begins Friday, afternoon, and Sunday.

[00:53:53] Beth: Amazing. And where can our listeners find out more about you?

[00:53:55] Andrea: the easiest place is my website and it's the intentional [00:54:00] optimist.com. It has to have the on the front. but at the top of my website, of course, pops up for a newsletter. And there are things like if you don't know your core values, I have a mini-course where you can help walk yourself through the core values, which will also introduce you to channels and how it works.

So that’s a mini-course it’s just designed to walk through in 30 days. And then my Facebook community button is up there. my launch from the beach, which is my collaborative community. And that all goes back to the whole, if your sailboat is sitting on the sand, it doesn't do you any good. So, it's a collaborative community and that's also there. additionally, for a coupon code for that, it's a membership community. And, so it's, it's $50 a month us. And, but with, the promo code, visualize20, they will get 20% off the first three months of their membership.

[00:54:49] Andrea: Yeah,

[00:54:50] Beth: And your podcast.

[00:54:51] Andrea: Absolutely.

[00:54:52] Beth: check out Andrea's podcast as well.

[00:54:54] Andrea: And it comes out every Monday. It's on Apple and Spotify and all the places.

[00:54:57] Beth: All the places you listen to the podcast, it has been [00:55:00] absolutely lovely and brilliant having you on the show today. Thank you so much for joining

[00:55:04] Andrea: Thank you. It's been my pleasure.

The post The 6 Tenets of Intentional Optimism with Andrea Johnson appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here

How to get rid of self-limiting beliefs about money when manifesting

Well, what a year it has been. I am officially into season two of the Visualise You Show. And I'm so grateful to all the listeners and everybody that has downloaded the show. To all of my guests. And I cannot wait to share with you more guest expert interviews and solo shows and lots of other things I've got coming up over the next couple of weeks

So, I kicked off Season Two with a solo show all about how to get rid of negative feelings that we have around money, especially when we are trying to manifest and create more abundance in our life. 

 I believe this has got to be one of the most frequent questions that come up for people around money, because well, we would all like a bit more money. And the idea for this episode came from a member of my community, Manifesting for Spiritual Souls and Entrepreneurs.

If you are not currently a member of the Visualise You community, head over to Facebook. We go live every single Thursday or Friday. I have an Ask Me Anything thread where you can ask about visualisation, manifesting, affirmations, gratitude, staying positive and any advice you might need for your business or as an entrepreneur looking to grow your businesses. 

 I also do a weekly oracle card reading for those that show up on the live. So, if you are interested in any of that, come and find me at Visualise You – Manifesting for Spiritual Souls and Entrepreneurs.

So, this week Monica Ann asked: 

 “I am good about staying positive, visualising saying my affirmations. However, when something negative happens, money-wise, like an unexpected bill. I lose my focus, and it's really hard to regain. And I also start to think negatively, what should I do?”

This is an excellent question because how many people experience this every day and would want the answer to this?

How can you regain your positivity when that unexpected bill drops in our lap, and we don't know where to find the money to pay for it? How can you maintain a positive vibration to attract money when things like this happen?

Let's talk about money and manifesting. 

 The first thing that I want to say is that you need to know and feel that you are already wealthy within you. This is one of the very first things that you need to do as a money manifester. 

 You need to feel and know that you are already wealthy within. When you do that, you will start to attract a matching reality. Instead, sometimes when we worry about money, we focus on the scarcity or the lack and not having.

And if that is what we are feeling inside, that is what we are attracting. So, it would help if you acknowledged that you are an infinite creator who is abundant and worthy and that in an instant, you have the choice to co-create with the universe. Think of all that creativity inside you, think of all those ideas, think of all the abundance that resides inside of you.

Suppose you're not focused on your creativity. In that case, your abundance, your ability to co-create, you are focused on lack and scarcity and feeling like you're going to run out like you are depleted, you will feel contracted and not expanding. So, you must stop focusing on the lack of money and instead focus on the creative process and what you already have.

Gratitude

Being grateful, which I know I talk about a lot, is one of the fastest ways to get into that high vibration. Being appreciative of the little things of the things around you right now in that instant will call you back into a more positive vibration.

So how [00:05:00] do you do that?

Ask yourself these two questions. 

1. What does wealth mean to you? 

2. What would wealth allow you to do? 

Pause for a second and write a few keywords down. So, when I think about wealth, I think about freedom, the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want, that expansiveness, that flowing of energy in my direction. I feel happy. I feel successful. I feel energised. 

 Some of the keywords I used there were freedom, expansive in flow, happy, successful. Now that you have your keywords, think of times when you felt this way; when did you feel this free, expansive, inflow, happy about money?

For me, that sense of freedom came when I was finally able to hand my notice in, at my job and not [00:06:00] do that thing that was making me feel incredibly unhappy every single day. That lifting of a weight off my shoulders, knowing that I was going to get up every morning doing what I loved, that for me was the feeling of wealth.

So, when you can identify the feeling and remember what it felt like from your past experiences and memories, you can tap back into the energies of the emotions and thoughts and use your existing understandings to bring you to a more positive expansive vibration. 

 Those are the feelings and emotions that you need to tap into and experience right now because these are precisely the emotions and feelings you are trying to create when you are thinking about wealth. To attract wealth, you need to assume the identity of all of those feelings right now.

Like Monica, if you have that self-awareness when an unexpected bill drops in your lap, and you can feel something changing in your body, in your outlook, and in the [00:07:00] way you are thinking. Even though those feelings may be going from positive to negative, the very fact that you are aware of them, the fact that you can catch yourself in that moment, is incredibly powerful.

Manifesting tools for wealth.

 So, we can use different manifesting tools and processes to [00:08:00] help us get back to feeling positive again. Now I will always mention the rampage of appreciation, which is the ability to be grateful for all of those things currently in your surroundings.

So, if that unexpected bill lands, you can look around your surroundings and quickly think about things that you can be grateful for that relate to money and wealth.

For example, you might think or say.

· I'm grateful that I have the money in my bank account to pay for this bill.

· I'm grateful that I'm going to be able to make this bill payment on time.

· I'm grateful that I am self-aware and able to deal with this problem.

· I'm grateful that I have an accountant who can help me shave off some expenses and find some money.

· I'm grateful that I have a bank where my money comes in and grateful for all of my clients that pay me each month.

· I am grateful to be able to spend money on things that I love.

· I'm grateful that I can go on holiday and save for things that I would like.

So, whatever that positive [00:09:00] feeling is around money, try to find it, even if it feels difficult at first if you just cannot come up with things, look around your space and be grateful for the food in your fridge, the. TV that you watch your favourite film on, the bedding on your bed, the food you eat, whatever you can think of just by looking for everyday gratitude.

If you cannot appreciate even the small amount of money that you have right now, you will not do it with more significant amounts of money. So really get excited and appreciative of the things that you do have in your life.

The Focus Wheel Process

I have a great process that I love to share with my [00:10:00] clients. And this is the focus wheel process. To do this:

1.) Draw a large circle on a page, a big circle,

2.) In the middle of that circle, draw a slightly smaller circle,

3.) Write in the centre circle the negative thoughts and feeling that you are having about money.

For example, I am worried about paying this unexpected bill. 

4.) Look at the circles as if they are a clock face and then list twelve different things going around the circles that are a better feeling thought to the one in the centre. For example,

I am glad I've received this bill now so that I can tackle my finances. I'm so happy that I have an accountant who can help me find money to pay this bill. I am glad that I can spend money on things that I love. I'm glad that I'm able to save for a holiday and so on.

5.) Keep going around the wheel until you have got your twelve better feeling, thoughts and you will start to see how you can shift your perspective from feeling negative to positive in an [00:11:00] instant.

The Wallet Process

Now there is another really simple game that I like to play about money. And that is to take a hundred-dollar bill or the highest denomination of a note, depending on where you are in the world and to stick that in your wallet or purse. 

 Now, this is important; you're not ever going to spend this note. If you don't have a high-value note, you could also write yourself a check yourself for whatever amount you like. Then next time that you are out shopping, you can mentally spend this money over and over again.

Doing this will get you into the feeling of knowing that you always have money and that it is an endless supply. You can pay for whatever you want, whether it's your groceries or your petrol, or a new dress or a computer or a new phone, or a holiday, whatever that might be. 

Doing that often and regularly will get you into a higher vibration and allow you to assume that feeling of abundance and the ability to buy the things that you want. It might seem silly, but being able to spend [00:12:00] that money with your mind is going to help you raise your vibration and the way you view wealth, taking you from scarcity to abundance.

Doubling up on repayments and Saving

Another thing that you can do, especially if you have debts, is doubling up on that amount every month. Doubling up that small amount will quickly decrease your debts, or if you don't have debts, ensuring that you save every single month will also increase your wealth consciousness as you begin to see your bank account rising every single month.

Even if it is a minimal amount, just seeing that amount increase in your savings and seeing the debts decrease month on month is really going to help you maintain a positive relationship with money.

I hope this has been helpful. Do let me know if you have any tools and tips for manifesting money; what do you do? How do you overcome your self-limiting beliefs whenever things come up around the topic of money?

You can do this by leaving me a comment below or by joining me over in my community. Or why not leave me a review on iTunes or tag me in your social media stories and let me know what you loved [00:13:00] about this episode.

Mentioned in the Show

Leave a Review on Itunes to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Get a Create Your Vision Power Hour Plus+ A 90 Minute Spiritual Performance Coaching Session

Oracle Card Readings

Join the Visualise You Community  and access Weekly Live Ask Me Anything's

Get on the waitlist for Visualise and Thrive

More from Beth

Get My Book The Power of Scripting

Access The Visualisation Vault

Complete the Visualise You Audience Survey

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

The post How to get rid of Self-Limiting Beliefs about Money when Manifesting. appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here  

I've started doing ask me anything’s, live in my Facebook community they [00:01:00] happen on either a Thursday or Friday. We haven't got a time down at the minute. They're just happening as, and when I can fit them into my busy schedule, but I will be in a bit more strategic about when they happen, if you want to be part of that community.

The link to join the community is down below. I would love for you to join. Each week I ask people to share what their questions are about visualisation. manifestation affirmations, gratitude, creating a vision, and all of that good stuff.

This week, I did a reading for a member of the community who wanted to ask for guidance on visualising a new career move. Especially when you've been made redundant, and you have no idea which direction you need to go in for a better future.

This is a great question.

She also asked about how she could stay positive over the next few months as she navigates this new [00:02:00] part of her life and career moving through redundancy, staying in a high vibration, and starting a new career.

I've also created a podcast episode, if you prefer to listen and you can find that up above.

So the first thing that I always say to anybody that has been made redundant is congratulations. And the reason why I say that it's not to be flippant. It's not to be rude. It's not to undermine the emotions and the feelings that somebody might have when they have been made redundant. It is because. being made redundant is one of the most amazing opportunities that the universe will ever gift to us.

All too often, we will stay within our comfort zone. We will continue in a particular career in a job that we don't necessarily love. A job, that doesn't light us up inside that isn't inspiring us, that isn't empowering us. And isn't [00:03:00] making the most of the amazing superpowers that we have.

And so when we are made redundant it is the universe giving us a beautiful gift and opportunity for you to do something different for you to get that little gentle nudge and push, to start something new.

If you have been made redundant in the past, if you have spoken to people who have been made redundant, you will probably know how their lives have gone down completely different paths, new directions, hopefully all positive. Because they were able to have that time to think and get clear and go down a different path and take new opportunities as they come up.

But what do you do when you don't know what to do when you haven't really got an idea when you want to do something different, but you just don't know what that thing is.? Now, one of the things I always say about whenever we visualise a new reality is that we need to get incredibly clear [00:04:00] on all of the details so that we can manifest that into our reality.

Unfortunately, when we have no idea and we need to move fast and achieve this new destination, a new career, but we don't know what that is. It's really difficult to get clear. So the thing that I suggest you do instead. Is to not get clear on the job or the career or the details of that job, but it's to get really clear on the various elements. Of that position. So for example, who are the kind of people, what characteristics do they have that you will be working with in the future? What kind of boss are you working with? What is your team like? What does your office look like? What does it have? Really nice deco and interior.

Does it have comfy seats does it have coworking spaces and all of those amazing, good stuff. That are really good to help us work. What values does the company have, and are they in [00:05:00] alignment with your own vision and values?? So you may need to do a little bit of work on yourself in terms of what are your personal visions and values.

What kind of work are you going to be doing? You're going to be outside. Are you going to be inside? You're going to be speaking with people., customers, young people, old people. What kind of people are you interacting with on a day to day-to-day basis? Are you working inside or are you working outside? Are you working from home mostly?

Or are you out on the road? Are you in a car? Do you have a company vehicle? What perks do you have? What is your salary? Do you have health care insurance? Do you have, counseling support? Do you have, a holiday on your birthday what kind of equipment are you working with? Do you have the latest laptop or an apple Mac or whatever apple products that are out there?

How will it make you feel every morning when you get up? How excited are you going to be? What are the feelings and emotions that you're going to have before you even [00:06:00] start your day in your new career and start to get clear on that using all of the senses, what does it look like? What does it feel like? What does the cafeteria smell like? What does the food taste like in the neighboring cafes and restaurants?

What does it feel like to touch your desk and your new equipment? Use all of the senses and get really clear on that part of the vision. Now you're probably going to have to do that a few times. Because once you have done that initial clarity work, the next step is to meditate just for 10 minutes, daily.

And after that 10-minute meditation, when you are in a nice calm state, start to visualise. And then once you have done that in as much detail as you can, you can then create an affirmation that states in the present tense, what that new situation feels like. and looks like.

So for example, you might say something like I have the [00:07:00] most amazing job and I work with the most amazing people who light me up every single day. I'm doing work that is inspiring and empowering, and which helps so many different people in all corners of the world. And it provides. Stability for my family, that I can put food on my table, and I can live a life that I never thought I could. And I'm grateful every day and excited to get up every single day in the morning.

You can create information in any way that you want, but the words that we use are incredibly important in helping us to manifest that new reality, because the words that we tell ourselves each and every day have a massive effect on our reality.

So if you are maybe going through redundancy right now, or, you're thinking about just handing, your notice in and you're not sure what's next. Using that feeling of maybe nervousness, fear and trepidation and flipping that to excitement because [00:08:00] the way that we physiologically feel excitement and nervousness in our body is exactly the same. We feel it in the same part of our body, in the pit of our stomach. If we train our mind to think that is an exciting adventure that we are going on and not one to be feared or scared of what is going to happen next, we can completely transform our reality and our future moving forward.

One of the other things that can help you to get really clear. On this new career when you're not totally sure is to think about what did you love to do as a child when you were about seven years old? Did you like drawing? Did you like reading? Did you like going to museums? Did you like kicking leaves in the park?

Some of the things that we like to do when we were around the age of about seven, that we did intuitively. That we would go to our room and pick up the thing that lit us up inside. Those are the things that we can use for clues and how we can live our life in the future as adults. What [00:09:00] were you the go-to gal for when you were at school or guy?

What did people come to you and ask questions for and advice on? Because those are the things that may give you a clue as to what you could be doing in the future. The other thing that I advise is to get clear on some of the buzzwords and keywords that are within your vision and values. So for example, if I were doing this today, if I were made redundant today, I would, when searching for jobs would be to look for keywords like spirituality, inspiration, gratitude, passion, purpose, visualisation, and I would search for jobs with that in mind.

Now you probably only going to get a few jobs that come up because people don't write very exciting job descriptions, but if you find any job descriptions with those words within them, that means that the person who has written that job description or that company has vision of [00:10:00] values that are in alignment with your own vision and values.

And that might just open up new opportunities down the road. So when you've got clear, when you've meditated, when you visualised, when you've created an affirmation, it's time to just let it go. Let go of the how and when and the why and what is going to happen next. And the next part is just to act, speak to people, tell people that you are being made redundant, create a CV, send your CV far and wide.

As far as you can send it. When I left my job, I just simply, I wrote my CV. I wrote my objective, which included what I was not willing to compromise on. And that made it very clear for potential recruiters to know whether I was in or out immediately when they read my CV and I applied for about 200 jobs and within a space of one week, I had six interviews and I was actually offered two of those positions.

[00:11:00] One of those positions. When you read the job description, it was so boring. And had I actually done the due diligence and read the job description and person specification. There is no way on this planet that I would have applied for that job because that job description said things like working with, businesses, to uptake broadband and super-fast broadband and increase their capabilities using the power of broadband.

It sounded so, so boring, but that job that I got changed, my entire life trajectory, it was actually a part-time event, marketing, position. It was a junior position. It was about 20 grand, less a year than what I was making in the position that I had just quit. But I had built up a steady income blogging with my simple blogging network community. And I was making about a thousand pounds every month just from blogging. So I knew that if I got a [00:12:00] part-time junior position, I could make things work.

But as I got in the interview and I was sat in front of the two interview ladies, I realised that what they were describing. Was something that I could not just be a cog in, not just a cog in that program, not just the marketing and events junior coordinator, whatever that position was called, but I could actually run this whole thing. I had all of the skillsets to manage that program. And as I was sat in that interview with those interviewees, I was hardly listening to the questions, and I was just having a conversation with them.

I wasn't nervous. I wasn't feeling scared. I was having a conversation and just thinking in my head, wow. I could actually manage this whole program about a couple of days later. I got a telephone call saying, can you come back in? We'd love to talk to you. We've got this idea. It's a little bit weird and strange.

We're not sure if you're going to be up for it, but will you come back in? I met them in a hotel lobby, and they said, look, [00:13:00] you can have this marketing and coordinator job. It's only two and a half days a week. I know that it's a lot less than what you've done previously. If you want it, you can have it, but we'd love you to run the whole program.

We'd love you to have oversight of the whole marketing department and the events department and manage the marketing events coordinator team and manage the project assistants and manage the business advisers and have complete control and delivering all of these events around the Leeds City Region, which was at that time about nine different local authorities.

And I would be project manager and I would be going to project board and present steering board and all of this good stuff. And it was utilising all of the skills that I'd got up until that point. But I, when I applied for that job, I applied from marketing coordinator job, a junior position, but what I ended up with.

Was a project manager position, which turned into a senior project manager position, which turned into five other business support [00:14:00] programmes down the line, supporting thousands upon thousands of businesses up and down the country. It included upscaling so many businesses within my local economy that I increased the GVA, the gross value added by over 40 million pounds.

And that was just from me writing and affirming on my CV and saying what I was willing and not willing to do. And you can do the same.

The other thing that you can do as you go through this period of time, it can be calm a little bit when certainly at times you might feel, or it's not going to happen for me, I'm working so hard. I just don't know where it is. I'm feeling really down today. I advise people to create a. Toolkit a toolkit that is going to help you get back on track.

Whenever you are feeling down, you don't just need to use it in situations like redundancy, but whenever you are feeling blue, and this toolkit is based on [00:15:00] all of the senses. So what lights you up get you excited through the sense of sight? Is that a picture?

Is it an artist? Is it a movie? Is it a book that you like looking at a comic? What do you visually like to look at? Is it the countryside? Is it a bird in the tree? Think about all those different elements that really light you up inside. When you think about the sense sight, then move on to touch. What do you like to touch with your hands that makes you happy?

Is it a blanket? Is it a favorite pan? Is it a feather? Is it a crystal? Is it stroking your cat or dog? Is it running your hands through the grass? Is it, planting flowers? What do you do with your hands that can give you so much joy?

The next sense is sound. This could be your favorite music. It could be the sound of the birds in the trees. It could be having a conversation with somebody you love what sounds get you excited. Smell. What smells [00:16:00] do you really like? Is it a candle? Is it having a hot bath with essential oils?

Is it the smell of flowers are freshly cooked grass? What smells do you love? Is it your favorite food? Which brings me on to taste? What food do you love to taste? What foods could you eat when you were feeling low, that are going to lift you up? When you've done that. And also if you want to think about intuitively our sixth sense, one of the things or the things that make you happy, the other things that you like to do think about all of that and create a toolkit, create a list of all those things that you can have in your back pocket.

Whenever you are feeling down and as always give gratitude for the things that you have in your life. When we're made redundant, we can start to feel less happy because we might think we might have less money coming in a few months’ time but be grateful for the food that is on your table.

Be grateful for the car that you drive. Be grateful for all of the skills and experience that you have amassed [00:17:00] up until this point. And when you do that, you will have more things to be grateful for in the future.

I hope you have enjoyed the post and podcast and if you are going through redundancy right now. know that this is an amazing opportunity that you can turn into a massive positive.

I look forward to sharing more with you very soon.

Mentioned in the Show:

Join the Visualise You Community 

The Visualise and Thrive Tribe Membership is Launching Soon!

Leave a Review on Itune to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

More from Beth

Get my book The Power of Scripting

Complete theVisualise You Audience Survey

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

The post What to Visualise When You Don’t Know What You Want? appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

 Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here  

Today's we're going to look at ways to build up your visualisation, muscles, and skills with five very simple exercises that you can do over and over again, and which by using them in the order that I lay out here today is going to help you to get better and build up your visualisation practice.

I have presented them in such a way that they build upon one another. Okay. So first thing to say is that everybody visualises differently. And actually we should use the term visualisation very loosely because some people when using their imaginations to visualise will have a very different experience.

[00:02:00] And that's because when we use our imaginations to visualise, we are all having very different experiences.  So for example, let's say, I asked you to imagine an elephant.  Think about that image for a couple of seconds.

 Now, what were you actually thinking of? When I asked you to imagine that elephant, you might be seeing an African elephant or maybe an Indian elephant. If you know your difference between elephants, you might even be thinking about a cartoon. Elephant may be Dumbo.

You might be thinking about multiple elephants, maybe like a herd of elephants, maybe a pink elephant, or a Teddy elephant that you had when you were a child, you might also be able to actually hear the noise, an elephant makes or see in your mind's eye, the surroundings that the elephant is in, such as the country, whether it's night or day. And you might know if it's a baby elephant or an adult elephant.

Or. And this does happen for some people. You might not see anything at all. You might actually see the word elephant, or just have a sense that there is an elephant in your imagination in whatever, way that makes sense to you. So, however you are experiencing the elephant right now, that is just your unique way.

It's not wrong. It's not right. It's just the way that is unique to you.

Let's start with some visualisation basics that we can learn in five, very simple exercises. These exercises, if you use them in order, will over time, make it easier for you to visualise.

Exercise one.

I want you to choose an image, a physical image, such as a photograph, a Polaroid, [00:04:00] maybe an image. You found online, maybe a picture you have on the wall, in the room that you're currently in or a poster or some kind of image that you can tangibly see. And when you have that image, maybe pause the podcast for 30 seconds to go grab your image.

I want you to study that image for let's say 30 seconds really study the image, taking in all of the colors, all of the visuals, the composition. And then I want you to close your eyes and try to recreate that image in your mind’s eye remembering that we all do this in different ways. So whatever feels comfortable and right for you.

So while your eyes are closed and you're now imagining the image, I want you to Pay close attention to the colors, the composition, what or who is in the image?  What other objects can you see in the image or [00:05:00] picture? Is there a particular mood or atmosphere? Can you see different textures and keep doing that until you feel like you've got the composition and everything that you could put into it?

Correct. When you feel that you've got it right. I want you to open your eyes and compare with what you just saw in your mind's eye with what is now in front of you. How did you do, did you get quite right? Do you need to take more detail in, do you need to study again for another 30 seconds and try again, if you do just keep trying it again and again, until you think we've captured everything that is possible?

And when you are happy that you've got it down, that is it.

now maybe take a rest, take a little break for 5, 10, 15 minutes and go choose a different image, a different picture and try it again. As you get better at this technique, you'll notice that you will need to check the details of your image less, and less [00:06:00] as your recall gets better and better.

Exercise Two.

In this exercise, you're going to take a three-dimensional object. Something that you can currently see in your current space. So it could be a small object, like a pen, maybe your car keys, maybe a kitchen utensil. And start the same exercise again, but this time really study the physical object from all of its different angles.

Turn it upside down on its side place it in different positions in front of you. Think about the light that is coming into the room and onto the object. Is there sunlight on the object? Is that artificial lighting? Are there shadows? Think about the colours. Think about how it feels to touch. Is it warm?

Is it cold or does it have soft edges or sharp edges? Is it heavy or light and try to capture as [00:07:00] many details as possible whilst you are looking at that object?

And then we're going to do the same thing again, and you are going to close your eyes and imagine that object in as much detail as possible when you feel that you've got the details, quiet, right. Imagine placing the object somewhere in your surroundings, like on a table, on a desk. Somewhere in a room in your house and start to expand your visualisation outwards from the object outwards into the room and try to imagine the different details of the room surrounding the object.

Can you successfully Visualise the object and can you successfully Visualise the room in which you are placing it?

Keep trying this exercise with different objects and different rooms until you feel like you're getting better. Moving onto [00:08:00]

Exercise Three.

In this exercise, we're going to build on the last exercise imagining the very same object again, ensure that this real object is no longer in your site. So you cannot compare it the way that you might've done in the previous exercise. Maybe hide it or take it to another room for the time being.

You are now going to recreate the object, but this time, instead of having your eyes shut, you're going to have your eyes wide open. Now you might find this harder or easier to do, but if you have ever experienced daydream, which I think everybody has, this is exactly what you have been doing, except then you were doing it without any real intention.

You were just staring off. Out into the world and images were coming to your mind by themselves. You were simply drifting off somewhere this time. You're going to get intentional about the thing that you are dead dreaming about. [00:09:00] Now try not to strain your eyes. Um, some people find it works better if you focus on a plain wall or even out of the window, if it helps.

And isn't too distracting. Now, try to imagine the object again, but this time interacting with the object with your eyes wide open. So, for example, if it was a pen, you might imagine yourself using that pen, writing without pain on a page, on a chalk board, signing a cheque, whatever you want to do, or if it was a key, for example, you might imagine using that key to open a drawer and opening the drawer or using that key to open a door and open the door.

Wherever your imagination takes you is absolutely fine. Just keep your eyes open.

And then when you feel you have explored this in as much detail as possible, retrieve the actual object and reflect on whether you missed out on any [00:10:00] specific details.

and then simply try the exercise again with the same object or try something brand new.

Exercise Four.

Let's takes things up a notch further. So this time you are going to introduce yourself into the visualisation and you might be thinking I was already doing that by interacting with the object. What I mean by this is that you will see yourself. Fully your whole body in the visualisation and disassociated from your mind's eye’s view.

So just to explain this, you are no longer going to Visualise looking at an object from your mind's eye.

You're going to be visualizing, looking at yourself, looking at an object and interacting with that object and the surroundings.

Imagine the scene or place you are in, and then start to bring in all of the senses. One by one that is [00:11:00] sound, touch, sight, smell, taste, and intuition. Where are you? What do you see around you? What do you hear? What does the place smell like? Is it hot? Is it cold? What other things can you feel?

Is there anything to taste? If you have a sixth sense, which we all do, what do you intuitively feel about this scene? Play around with the full picture and see how detailed you can make your visualisation?

Exercise Five

Using the same place before, and you visualising yourself fully in that scene. Let's add some new layers to the visualisation. Think about the object we started out with in the earlier exercises. First of all, imagine yourself interacting with the object and seeing yourself doing that. [00:12:00] Now let's introduce a second person. It doesn't matter who that person is. It could be a friend, a family member, a celebrity, somebody you admire, but you're going to start interacting with one another in the visualisation.

Can you hear the conversation that you are having? What are you talking about?  Touch them on the shoulder or the elbow and see how they interact with you. How does it feel to touch them physically somewhere on their body?

And how do they react to you doing that? Start moving around the scene together. Maybe sit down in a chair. You could roll on the floor, jump, move, or run from room to room. You could even imagine being in two different rooms and shouting to your friend from another room to really increase the auditory sounds   of the visualisation

And that is it five very different exercises to help you learn to [00:13:00] Visualise you've gone from visualizing a static, one-dimensional image to a multi-layered multi-sensory associated and disassociated visualisation. Think about how you can apply this to real-life situations, especially to events that you might want to go a certain way, such as a job interview or having success in your business or in a relationship or a friendship or a conversation that you need to have in real life, there really is no limit to your imagination. So keep trying the exercises out and let me know how you get on. You can do this by joining me in the Facebook community or checking out my course, the visualisation vault.

Mentioned in the Show

Leave a Review on Itune to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Join the Visualise You Community 

More from Beth

Complete theVisualise You Audience Survey

Learn about Visualisation Get The Visualisation Vault 

My Book The Power of Scripting

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

The post Learn How to Visualise with These Five Simple and Easy Exercises Transcript appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here

I would like to talk to you about the concept of miracles. So when you hear the word miracle, what do you think of? Maybe a plane crash where there is one sole survivor or maybe a cancer patient who is minutes from death, like in the story Dying to be Me by Anita Moorjani. Where her body just miraculously heals and becomes cancer-free completely astonishing to her doctors and medical team.

Or perhaps you're thinking of somebody who was told they would never walk again or never be able to have children only to defy all odds. Are these miracles or are these just extreme possibilities that take a lot of luck and a lot of belief?

Those harder to believe miracles are those where we can't fathom the possibility where our logical rational mind is just unable to go there and accept that it is a miracle. Sometimes events happen that no logic, have no science behind them. And yet there they are still happening right in front of our eyes every single day.

Often our minds are just too quick to judge. Maybe thinking, oh, it's just a coincidence or there must be a rational explanation, even if I don't know what it is right now.

I've gone back and forth on what a miracle is. Is something a miracle or is it that we just don't have all of the answers? We just don't understand everything that makes something a reality. I'm going to just put it out there and say, just because we as observers from our limited five sensory human perspective or our six sensory perspective if you are intuitive.

Sometimes we just don't have a good enough explanation for something. That doesn't mean that it still can't be a miracle just because something is statistically impossible doesn't mean that it is impossible. But by the same token, let me be completely contradictory because I am a Libra. I see things from both perspectives.

What if there really is an explanation to everything already? But maybe we just don't quite have the science or understanding to make sense of it yet. Or sense of it yet in 2021, can we still call it a miracle?

But then I come back to this premise of what is the real harm in believing in miracles. Anyway. Especially if it gives us hope that anything is possible.

I don't know how your mind works, but when somebody tells me something cannot be done, [00:04:00] it annoys the heck out of me because in my mind, nothing, literally nothing is impossible. There is always a way. Always. I used to get so frustrated when a teacher would say to me you can't do it that way because that's just not how it's done, or you won’t make it happen.

I knew that there was always a way. Even if we don't know what that way is, even if we do not know how to make something happen, that doesn't mean that it's not possible. And maybe that's why I've always found it easier to manifest or to believe that I could manifest. To manifest, we're told you have to believe that anything is possible.

You have to believe that your particular miracle is on its way that your prayers are being answered and that you must surrender to the, how you have to believe that it is already yours. I often like to think of miracles and our desired reality a bit like [00:05:00] what it would be like for a bird from a bird's eye view, a bird who could maybe see two sets of homes each with a house and a garden and both homes next to each other but divided by a fence.

On, one side of the fence is you living your current state of being in your current home and in your current surroundings, representing your current reality and your life. As you currently know it.

On the other side of that fence in the other house with the other garden is your actual desired state, your possible life, both realities existing. Co-existing all at once. In fact, I believe you can have multiple realities. Co-exist all at once and a number of timelines, but yet you are only experiencing one lifetime at a time.

That is how you make sense of your current reality. But if you can understand that your preferred [00:06:00] reality already IS, and that it's just over the fence waiting for you, that it is totally within your reach. You'll start to believe that possibilities and things that we have no way of understanding are so close to reality for you.

Sometimes we just need to step out of our everyday lives. Be like a bird, looking down on our lives. And see how close and easy your new reality is to see and experience.

So how different do you want your life to be right now?

And this is sometimes a double edge sword because in wanting and wishing.

You were actually resistant and pushing that thing further away because when we are in a state of wanting and wishing and hoping and trying, we are not in a vibrational match to the thing that we want to achieve, stay with me. It can get a little bit tricky.

But knowing what you dislike can actually be [00:07:00] the thing that keeps you where you are and in your current reality. So to experience a new reality, you have to become that what you want to manifest. It does sound hard, and it does sound a little bit irrational. But you have to assume the identity of wealth. You have to be it. You have to feel it. You have to see it. You have to become it. You have to feel the energetic vibrations of what it is to be wealthy.

And we can do that with affirmations and creating visualizations of what it would feel like, and look like and smell like and taste like, and the conversations that we would have and how our life would be different when we are assuming an identity of wealth. And then you have to relax into that visualization and wait for your blessings, your prayers, to take physical form.

Because you already are the miracle you [00:08:00] seek. Everything you desire is already within you.  There is no desire too big or too small, you have infinite power to co-create with the universe and manifest in an instant, literally in an instant, except we have been programmed to understand time in such a way that there is a beginning, a middle and an end when actually time is infinite just like abundance.

However, that's not to say that sometimes miracles will take their time and not occur in an instant, but in seemingly random sets of events and circumstances, you'll sometimes hear people say, I need to wait for the planets to align, but yet when they do that is still a miracle.

If you think something is impossible Then it will be. 

So you have to step aside and let the divine source [00:09:00] energy, the universe, whatever you want to call it, handle the how, and then instead see how much easier it is when you trust in the magic and believe in miracles.

Mentioned in the Show

My Book The Power of Scripting

Dying to be Me by Anita Moorjani

Leave a Review on Itune to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Join the Visualise You Community 

More from Beth

Complete theVisualise You Audience Survey

Learn about Visualisation GetThe Visualisation Vault 

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

The post What is a Miracle And Why You Should Care Anyway? appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here

In Episode #35, meet Terri Kozlowski. Proud Native American warrior from the Athabascan Tlinglet Tribe Raven Clan. Terri has journeyed through the pain of child sexual abuse and abandonment on the streets of Alburquerque to rediscovering her true path in life to one filled with joy and love.

In this episode, Terri shares her story of transcending the fear of the egoic mind.

Some of the key takeaways from this episode include:

• Recognising that busyness in life and business can signify that you are working to hide a pain, trauma, or another issue.
• How all work experience, including volunteering roles, will provide you will skills and experiences that can be used to further your career down the line.
• The power of asking yourself, what are you truly getting out of victimhood? Is this state of mind serving you in any way?
• There are no answers to some of the bad things that happen to us, and searching for the' why' only seeks to hold us in the past and an unresourceful state of mind.
• That there is only ever now.

More from Terri Kozlowski

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/KozmicSoulSolutions/

Instagram @terrikozlowski  

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/terrikozlowski/  

Twitter @tmkozlowski

Get the Book – Raven Transencing Fear on Amazon.

The Soul Solutions Podcast

Mentioned in the Show

Leave a Review on Itune to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session. How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Join the Visualise You Commmunity

The Power of Scripting Book

The Visualise and Thrive Waitlist – Coming Soon.

More from Beth Complete the 

Visualise You Audience Survey

https://bethhewitt.com. 

Find Beth on Social Media

Facebook Instagram Twitter LinkedIn

www.bethhewitt.com

[00:00:00] Beth Hewitt: [00:00:00] Hi, everybody. Welcome to episode 35 of the Visualise You I'm your host Beth Hewitt, how are you all doing it's very sunny here in the UK today. I've also got a new car. I think last episode I was telling you about my car woes I got a brand-new car. I love it he's called Vidal, his French. He's a Peugeot. So I'm very pleased with my purchase.

Okay. Moving on. So I just wanted to focus on a couple of things. The first is my membership site visualize and thrive, which will be coming very soon. I will be opening a waitlist for people to get onto that. And I'll tell you more about that in upcoming episodes. I've also been at getting the next round of interviewees ready. And the reason why I wanted to take a little bit of time is I'm going to slightly change the focus of the show. Not very much, you probably won't really notice any difference in terms of the format, but one of the things that has become even more [00:01:00] apparent is this desire in me to tell the stories of people who have not just pivoted.

To start a business, but people who have pivoted away from one thing towards their soul's purpose, their soul's calling to create a spiritual business. So for example, maybe they're a healer, maybe they're into Reiki, meditation affirmations. Maybe they help people have confidence to thrive online, but from a very soul led angle. So you'll probably notice that the people who I interview in the future are really making a success of following their soul's purpose in such a way that they've been able to create a business that is in complete alignment.

So that's all very exciting.

if you are interested in finding out more about the membership, when it does launch and before the wait list is available, you can DM me anytime on Instagram or [00:02:00] Facebook. I am more active on Facebook, but I will get back to you on Instagram.

Now on to today's episode, which is with the wonderful Terri Kozlowski. Now a word of warning before we head into this interview, this episode does touch on child sex, abuse and abandonment. And although we don't go into any of the details. I want to be upfront and just let you know, in case there were any triggers for anyone.

This episode, if you stick with us is more about the transformation is more about that. Transcending the fear and healing from those childhood traumas. A little bit about Terri. She is a proud native American warrior from the Athabascan Tlinglet tribe, Raven clan. She journeyed through the pain of child sexual abuse and utter fear of life after her mother abandoned her at the age of 11 on the streets of Albuquerque.

Okay.

 Rediscovering her true path in life. One of [00:03:00] joy and love Terri has learned to transcend the fear that our egoic mind often brings to the forefront of our lives.

 Terri is successful. Soul and life coach whose mission is to inspire others to master their own fears. Her newly released book. Raven transcending fear is Terri's memoir of overcoming the sexual abuse, abandonment and discovering her authentic self. In her truly amazing story. And I leave all of the links as to where you can get Terri's book in the show notes.

So Terri, was a stay-at-home mother until 911 hit, and her husband lost his job in the airline industry. So she went into the corporate environment needing to work. And in less than 10 years, you worked herself up from an executive assistant to vice president of operations.

Like me, Terri has a bachelor's degree in social sciences and she's also a [00:04:00] student of. The course in miracles. And I absolutely love those teachings and that book. She received a certification in life coaching and has been successfully blogging. Lots of similarities. She now hosts the soul solutions podcast, where she shares her journey and Other candid conversations about overcoming fear and limiting beliefs with other authentic people who have successfully overcome their own negative thought patterns. I was so excited to get into this interview and to share it with you. Let's head over to the interview. [00:05:00]

Welcome everybody to another episode of the visualize at you show I'm joined today by Terri Kozlowski hi Terri. Thank you for being on the show.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:05:30] Hi, Beth. It's great to be here.

Beth Hewitt: [00:05:32] I'm so excited too. You share with our listeners your story. I have spent the weekend actually reading your book. Normally I'm an audio book girl.

I normally listen to books, but I really spent the time actually turning the pages of your book this weekend and getting into the book. So that was a new experience for me. I haven't done that for a while, I normally start. The show by asking my guests a little bit about their career journey, so where they started out to where they are [00:06:00] now.

But as I was reading your story and I feel like we're a little bit kindred spirits in terms of the soul solopreneur. Aspect in that I feel my career started when I was little, when I was born, almost like the experiences I had when I was little, have led me to who I am today. And I feel that's definitely true of yourself as well after reading your story.

Start your career journey wherever you want to start it. But I'd welcome you to share whatever feels right for you.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:06:26] Okay. My career journey really is just. A bunch of stuff that I allowed the egoic mind to pull me into, to keep everybody in my life happy, but Terri wasn't happy. So I didn't actually begin working until I was out of high school and in college and the first Christmas, I got a job at KB toys, which is a toy store here in the US that I think is now out of business.

And the reason I got the job is because I was told I was being [00:07:00] lazy. And part of that laziness was the fact that I had gone through a massive trauma when I was 11 and I pretty much stayed to myself. So I had been sexually abused as a child, and then physically abandoned on the streets of a large city in New Mexico at the age of 11.

And my mother had done all this damage to me, and I had spent then the next five years of my life in therapy, trying to figure out what happened and try to incorporate all of that into my mindset, which wasn't going to be damaging because I knew. What occurred was bad. I knew what occurred would have lasting effects, but at the same time at 11, you don't know how to process any of that.

It's not meant for an adult to process let alone a child. So I pretty much stayed to myself. And because of that, I didn't get a job until I was in college. I was [00:08:00] taking. 18 credit hours. And most people only are allowed to take 12 credit hours in college. And I took 18 plus I was working at KB toys after that Christmas, I. moved to Sears and Roebuck, which also isn't doing well anymore. Moved to Sears and Roebuck, and I was working 35 hours a week and taking 18 credit hours. And I did that for three years straight. And in three years I graduated college. So laziness became something that was not synonymous with what I did with my time, because of that one comment, one person made to me about me not having a job.

Beth Hewitt: [00:08:41] That's really interesting. And as I was reading your book, there were times when you were describing your career and how busy you were as an individual as well. The complete opposite of being lazy. So was that busy-ness later on in your career? Was that part of a coping mechanism as well?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:08:57] Absolutely. One of the things that happened [00:09:00] when you are trying to deal with trauma is that your egoic mind doesn't want you to, your ego, wants to allow you to be okay. And to be okay, means that you are living in the future. And as well as being busy, when you are busy, you can't get quiet. You can't go in inside yourself and figure out what is going on, feel the feelings you're supposed to feel and then release them because you're too busy.

And so for me, staying busy was very much synonymous with not dealing with my issues. And I stayed busy as a stay-at-home mom because after I had left. College. I got a job as a chiropractic assistant. And from there I got pregnant, and it wasn't a planned pregnancy. I was taking the pill. So my son was a little bit of a surprise and I also.

Quit that job. It was a full-time [00:10:00] job and stayed home to raise him. So I was home for 14 years of his life. And in that time period, although I didn't have a job per se, that paid me money, I volunteered. And when you volunteer. You find out that there's all kinds of things that can take up your time.

So I became heavily involved in Cub Scouts and then boy Scouts. And during all of that time, one thing stay at home mothers don't realize is when you do those volunteer your jobs, you're still building your skillset. And I built a lot of skillsets through the volunteer organizations that I was involved in, but I stayed busy.

And when I say I stayed busy, my son would go off to school and I would start my day by doing all the things I needed to do for the lower Cub scout pack. But I also had my own Cub scout den. Then I became the Cub scout day camp director for all of Southern Indiana. So when all is said and done, I [00:11:00] kept taking on roles. So that I would not deal with any of the issues that I had and it's a coping mechanism. We all do it at some level. And although I never consider myself a workaholic looking back, that's exactly what it was I was working so that I could avoid dealing with the problems. And that's what any holics are, whether it's through work or alcohol or drugs, any of that food, any of that is about not dealing with your issues.

Beth Hewitt: [00:11:29] And so today, now that you've got a more focused intentional. Path that you're on. Do you still find yourself working busy or do you feel like that's, you've let that go with the work that you've been able to do?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:11:41] I believe I've let that go because what happens now is I start my day with the first hour is Terri time and I meditate. I journal. I say affirmations. I have my quiet time. And in that quiet time, one of the things that I do is I say some mantras and one of my [00:12:00] mantras is that I am a master of time. I'm in a constant flow state and everything that I accomplished today is all I'm supposed to accomplish.

So at the end of the day, if I didn't get my to-do list done, it wasn't meant to be. And I'm okay with that.

Beth Hewitt: [00:12:16] I love that because I'm always busy. I've never called myself a workaholic, but I think on some level I probably am. So now I was thinking, what is it that I'm avoiding? Is there something there?

I also love what you said about master of time.

I think that's, I love affirmations myself and doing those and having mantra. So that's definitely something that I will take on board because I feel like I could be doing less. Certainly.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:12:40] Part of that is. If you are passionate about what you're doing. And I just wrote an article on this, and it'll be coming up in a future podcast, but one of the things about understanding your passion and your skillset is when your skillset and your passion collide, that is your soul's work. [00:13:00] That is your purpose for being here.

And when you were doing what your soul desires, it's not work. It's

Beth Hewitt: [00:13:07] it, yeah, it feels joyful. So maybe I'm just like totally in my flow and that I've found my kind of thing.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:13:14] exactly. Because a lot of people, I still work in corporate in the corporate world. I work three days a week. Yeah.

30 hours. I'm there for 10 hours each day. So I'm spending, I'm still doing that, but the other four days that I'm home, I'm doing my passion work and I'm, I don't feel that I'm working.

It's the, do I have a, to do list? Yes. Because for me to be able to write a book and do a podcast and write a blog every week there's work to be done, but I enjoy it. It flows from me. And because of that, I don't feel tired about it. I don't feel frustrated. All of those negative things that we feel about our jobs doesn't occur when I'm doing my passion [00:14:00] work.

And if that's not happening, if you're passionate about what you're doing and continue in the flow, because the universe will tell you Terri, you need to rest. And there, there are times where I just know, okay, I'm done. I need to go and rest for a while.

Beth Hewitt: [00:14:16] that's so true. I think I jumped from Career and job to job because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. So now it's okay for me to do that full steam ahead. So normally I ask can you explain to our listeners when you knew. That change needed to happen for you, that pivot that happened within your career.

But I suppose the pivot that we're talking about here is the work that you maybe did on yourself to put you on this path and to go from, this, victim hood to survivor mentality.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:14:46] That occurred. When I was in college, I had a friend tell me that I enjoyed being a victim, and I got very angry because who is he to tell me anything about my victimhood. [00:15:00] And, but something struck me about what he said, and I sat with it for a while and I realized, okay, what am I getting out of staying a victim?

And the thing I was getting out of it was people were leaving me alone. When you have a trauma and people know about your trauma, they are very cautious with you. They don't want to cause you to trigger. They want to make sure you're okay. So they leave you alone. And I was okay with being left alone because that's what I wanted. But there's a better way to let people know that I want to be left alone and staying in victimhood also meant that everything that happened to me, I could blame on the trauma, and I was giving away my power by doing that. So when I made the switch from, okay, now I'm a survivor. And what does that mean for me? Being a survivor means two things.

Number one, I can't blame any more on my trauma. Of the choices I make [00:16:00] today, whatever choices I make, had nothing to do with my mother, whatever choices I make, had nothing to do with the trauma, the choices I made today, I make of my own free will. Therefore, if I mess up, it's my fault. I can't blame others.

I can't blame the past. And making that shift also empowered me to realize I had an innate power to choose how my life was going to go. And most people don't realize that the amount of power we innately have just by the choices we make.

Beth Hewitt: [00:16:31] yeah. I try to look at life that way of, when challenges or traumas or things happen, that there's a reason for that happening. And how can we see they seen it from a positive point of view, but it is hard for some people to, to relinquish that I suppose there is some there's like a blanket in being able to act the victim, there's some power in that a little bit, but the true power comes from relinquishing that.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:16:57] A part of that is that we, the [00:17:00] egoic mind screams at us. And what we don't realize the ego has a purpose and we have to accept its purpose. The ego's purpose is to tell us, hey, this could be dangerous. It used to be, hey, there was a bear in the forest. You need to pay attention.

But now in today's society, we don't have that type of thing, but the ego still needs to do its job. So what the ego is doing, for example, with me was the three men that raped me when I was 11 were Hispanic men. So every time I saw Hispanic people, especially Hispanic men, my ego was saying, hey, there's Hispanic men there be afraid.

We need to go in a different direction. And over time I started working with Hispanic men and found out they were very nice people and I've had more positive experience, then negative experiences with Hispanic men. So even though today, If I see a group of Hispanic men walking down the [00:18:00] street, my ego will say, hey, and I have to remind my ego.

Yes, thank you for the reminder. But I've had more positive experiences. then negative experience I can dismiss this fear that you have. And as soon as you do that, you will calm down and you won't have that angst in your system anymore. So when we accept the egoic. Mind as doing what it's supposed to do, we can dismiss it.

We can have rational conversations with it and dismiss those things. But in order to do that, we have to number one, be aware of it. And number two, the only way to really become aware of it is you have to get quiet. You have to have that alone time. You have to go within and connect with spirit. You have to be able to connect with your soul.

And hear its whispers because it whispers it doesn't jump up and down the way the ego does. It's not loud and obnoxious. It's quiet. It's unassuming. And you have to make a general. [00:19:00] Commitment each day to connect with that part of you. And when you do, you will find that most of your day will go much easier than had you not spent that.

five minutes, 10 minutes each morning.

Beth Hewitt: [00:19:10] So that initial pivot point, where it set you on that path of changing that view, what happened next, it's a lot of work I suppose it doesn't happen overnight that transformation. So what happened in those transitioning years?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:19:23] part of what happened is in this book, I talk about a thorny blanket and when we have traumas of any kind, we wrap ourselves in a little cocoon and try to say stay safe. But what we don't realize is that, especially for childhood trauma, that there are self-defense mechanisms that we took on after the trauma that are now harming us.

And a lot of times, just in general, it's those things that we must unlearn that we were taught. So in the book, I talk about the fact that I was myself. I was authentically me for the first 10 years of my life. The next 10 years of my [00:20:00] life, I was domesticated. I was traumatized. And then I had peer pressure to conform, to be what society wanted me to Be girl. Be quiet. don’t be seen, don't be obnoxious, be quiet, be feminine. All those things that we are told as teenage girls to be, then I spend the next 20 years of my life trying to figure out why I was miserable. What was the issue? Why was I still broken? And then the next 10 years?

of my life was like, oh, that's because I hid away my authentic self.

I was wearing masks and putting armor on. And when I decided to take off the thorny blanket, what ended up happening is I took it off in stages. I took a little bit off. And what happens is those defenses mechanisms are little thorns that stick in us. And when we take those off, we have to heal.

And healing it's painful because when you heal a cut on your finger, it tingles as [00:21:00] it's healing it scabs over. And then the scab falls off. So there's sensation and feeling that occurs. And we don't realize that same kind of thing occurs when we're doing any type of emotional and mental healing. So we take the thorny blanket off.

We have oozes and festering, and the pain starts bothering us and its unfamiliar pain. So we put the thorny blanket back on because we know what that pain feels like. We're okay with that pain. After a while the thorny blanket just got too heavy, and I knew it was hindering any growth I was supposed to be having.

So I ripped it off like a band-aid and in doing so there was a lot of festering and oozing and drama that ended up coming out of that because I didn't know what all these emotions were when you can't name what you're feeling. It becomes very difficult to try to move through those feelings. I went through that period of time of [00:22:00] unnerving and when things started healing and the main thing that had to heal was, I had to be able to forgive my mother.

I had to be able to forgive all the things that she had done to cause the trauma, but also that. In her entire lifetime and in mine, we were not ever able to be and have that mother daughter relationship. She was never the mother I needed to have. And I had to let go of the fact that she could never be that for me.

And that's very difficult to do because we all want reconciliation. We all want to think that we have the happy ending and. I struggled with the question. Why did this happen? Why could she never choose me over the drugs and alcohol, and I never got the answer. And that's part of the thing that the ego uses to hold us in trauma is the why, because the reality is even if she could come up with an answer. It never would have justified what had [00:23:00] happened. And that's what, in reality, what it comes down to. Is there any justification for a mother allowing her child to be sexually molested and then abandoned on the streets? Is there any justification for it? And there isn't and because there, isn't trying to search for a, why is the ego keeping me stuck in the past?

It's keeping me in a depressive state. And that's what depression is when you are stuck in the past. And fearful of the past anxiety is the opposite. Anxiety is fear of the future and living in the future and scared of being in the, of what's going to happen in the future. So the only way for you not to be fearful is to be in the present moment.

And the present moment everything is okay.

And the present moment, I know that I'm safe in the present moment. I know I'm having a lovely conversation with Beth, and everything is fabulous in the world. so being present is how we overcome the anxiety, how we overcome the depression and how we become [00:24:00] present and content.

 Beth Hewitt: [00:24:46] And so for anybody who is struggling to stay in the present, does this come back to your Terri time in the morning? Are those the kind of things that you would say to start to be more present on a daily basis?

[00:25:00] Terri Kozlowski: [00:24:59] one of the things that people have a harder time?

with once they get. Journaling or meditating or doing mantras. All of that is something that we put into practice to keep us focused but getting to that place can be difficult. And I spent, almost four years trying to meditate. And was very frustrated with me.

I'm like, why can't I do this? I'm just supposed to sit here and be, oh, but the reality was my mind. My egoic mind just kept running through tapes and messages and to do lists and it took me. yeah.

I kept trying, I didn't give up, but it took me going to yoga six months into yoga. I realized that during Shavasana, which is a corpse pose at the end of any type of yoga, my mind stopped. And I realized, oh my gosh, this is meditation. This is what it's supposed to be when there's nothing in your mind, you're just being, and now I can do it. [00:26:00] Anytime anywhere I can get myself to that place, but it's when you don't know what it is, it's hard to get there. And I think part of it was, you do 45 minutes of yoga or whatever you're tired.

And that time where you're resting and because I am not one to ever take naps during the day, I'm not going to be the one to fall asleep and Shavasana. I'm going to be the one that is thinking of the to-do list that she's supposed to be doing on her way home. So when I realized that what was happening, it was very beneficial.

The other thing is there is a physical reaction our body has when we breathe. So if you take a deep breath in hold, And release to the count of five. You do those three times, your Autonomic nervous system actually takes effect, and you physically calm down naturally. It's. All natural and you can do it anytime.

That's where you talk about people taking, pause and take a deep breath [00:27:00] before you speak, because you're calming yourself. And when you calm yourself, you become clear, and you also give your soul a chance to whisper to you. The next best thing

Beth Hewitt: [00:27:10] I'm glad what you said about meditation, because I think some people do struggle with finding what works. I first experienced meditation when I was about 10. When I stole my mom's meditation tapes and I would listen to it on my little tape deck, and I experienced like what I call the gap.

So that bit between your thoughts where you don't actually know you're there until you've come back out. The other side, you go, oh, where was I? And so I was chasing that feeling like all growing up because I couldn't get back there. And so it took me on a journey to find out what works best for me to get back to that place.

So I was fortunate that I experienced it when I was a child, but at the same time, I didn't really understand kind of the mechanics of how that was all working. So I think, yeah, I think it's finding what works for you and if it's yoga great. If it's in the morning, if it's in the evening, if it's in the middle of [00:28:00] the day, then I think.

That's when it will be. And I think it's just, like you say, just keep trying and finding out what works for you. tell us a little bit about the work that you do now. And actually how going through this transformation at what point did you realize actually there's a business in here and actually I want to be helping people to get through their own traumas and experiences.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:28:22] well, interestingly enough, after I was the stay-at-home mom for 14 years, 911 occurred and. My husband lost his job. So I ended up having to find work and going back into the workforce after not being there, was a little difficult. So I got hired at a medical device company as a floater. And I have been there now for 15 years, and I started out as a floater.

I'm currently vice president of operations. So all the skills that I had. Previously I've been able to hone and use in a business environment. And I had [00:29:00] always been asked if I was ever going to write my story. And it was always no, not just a little, no big, no. I was not doing it. in 2018 I got pregnant with the book and in nine months I wrote the book.

I actually got the title, and I wrote a poem. And I'm like, okay.

This is the book. And I started writing nine months. I had the first draft done. I went through some rounds of edits. And then in October of last year I signed a traditional book contract, and the book was released February 12th and Raven Transcending Fear is my story of going through my trauma and transcending the fear and becoming authentically me and through the process of writing the book, I'm one of those people that I have to know, things I have to understand what I'm getting myself [00:30:00] into. So in order to write a book, I needed to understand what the publishing world was like and in doing so I discovered that. I had to have what was called a writer's platform, which meant that I needed to have a website and post on blog every week.

And so I started doing that. And when I started taking the course on how to do a website, seven days later, I had a website up and running. And since January 1st of 2019, I've been blogging every week. And so I'm doing all of that while I'm writing the book. I am realizing that this is where I light up. I thrive in doing this and this is what I need to be.

So I started looking at how I could monetize, how I could transition out of my. Nine to five into doing the soul coaching. Full-time so that's the process I'm in. I'm [00:31:00] not totally there yet. Because I still do the corporate, but I am in the process of transitioning out and then in, August of last year, I started solo solutions podcast, which is how Beth and I met, in the pod casting course.

And through that, I increased the platform and made the platform larger. And then I've started a YouTube channel. So all of this is just. The universe opens up when you are open to really pursuing your passion and place of service to others, the Universe opened up all kinds of capabilities, all kinds of possibilities, because the universe is limitless.

And the only limits we have is what we place on ourselves.

Beth Hewitt: [00:31:45] Yeah, I love that. I love that you've got a blog and the podcast and the YouTube channel. I love blogging and then I used to blog all the time and I think I need to go back to doing that cause I love to write, but I don't know how you fit in the YouTube in as well.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:31:56] It's really, truly, I write [00:32:00] one piece of content. Just one. I write a blog post that blog post becomes a script for the podcast, which I also video for the YouTube channel. And then I take that and create quotes out of it, audio grams out of it. So I end up, I think I've, I wrote it all out that I ended up with like almost 70 pieces of content from writing.

Beth Hewitt: [00:32:22] it's crazy. Isn't it? Yeah. Now you can repurpose that. That's great. So in terms of, some of the skills and experiences that cause as we're talking about, I suppose what you do today, that you've amassed over this journey, and you've talked about different when you're doing your volunteering and the work that you do now.

I like to call them superpowers. Cause I think we don't celebrate ourselves enough, but what would you say are your main superpowers?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:32:46] my main superpower is being able to give an alternate perspective to people about their stories. So being able to say somebody tell me their story. And they show me the [00:33:00] negative aspect to it. I can show them the positive aspect to it, and I can do it very easily. So being able to show a different perspective to something that you've always thought as a negative, for example, my family knows that I'm a control freak. I am. Everything is in its place. Everything has at home and when it's not in its place, it upsets me. But when I got hired on at my company, all they saw was I was extremely well organized, and I could find things that they lost. So even though my family thinks that it's a negative, my workplace thinks it's a positive.

So being able to see that those character flaws that we think we have are actually can be really good in. A different setting and it's being able to see how also those things that are good in a corporate setting. For example, I learned a lot of legalese, and I can write a contract, but talking to my husband, he doesn't want me to use [00:34:00] 8,000 words to say something that only needs three sentences, but I can do that.

So you have to learn where to use those different skill sets properly.

Beth Hewitt: [00:34:09] I think that's so true. First of all, being able to reframe. A negative experience for someone to have positive thoughts. That's an amazing superpower to have, but I think you're right about, we have the skills and experiences and just because they don't fit into one corner of our life doesn't mean that we can't use it somewhere else if, especially if we're really passionate and we're really at it. seems a shame to, to hide those from the world. If you had to identify one main life lesson, which may be harder. I think choosing one life lesson is sometimes hard, but you've learned during your highest and lowest times of your career and your business journey today, what would you say that was and why?

Okay.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:34:45] really learning how to reframe the self-talk. Because the ego is so loud and obnoxious learning how to take what the ego says and reframe it and come up with different words for inner self-talk is very vital for us to be able, [00:35:00] not only to overcome any traumas, but also to overcome any missteps.

I don't talk about failures. I don't talk about, falling flat on our face I talk about its missteps because ultimately, if we take a misstep, all that means is that we have a lesson that we needed to learn. There wasn't any mistake. There wasn't any fault. It was just that we had a lesson we needed to learn.

So in our missteps, we learn a lesson and then we continue forward because even a misstep is still moving us forward. We're not going backwards. The only way we go backwards is, if we consciously choose to stay and live in the past, and then you're depressed anyway, you're not going to be moving forward.

Beth Hewitt: [00:35:38] do you believe that these missteps or similar missteps will continue to present themselves? If we don't. She was to take that lesson.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:35:49] absolutely. Absolutely. We are meant to; we're meant to learn certain lessons. And if we don't learn them easily, we will learn them. [00:36:00] Harder. So that little pebble that you tripped over becomes a bigger stone, then becomes a bold and then becomes the mountain. So we can learn lessons through joy, or we can learn lessons through pain.

Most of us, for some reason, choose to learn lessons through pain and in doing so, we miss out on the opportunity to learn things quicker. So we need, if we look at everything that is occurring, okay, what can I learn from this? And we take some little lesson from it. The likelihood is that we don't have to learn a bigger lesson, a harder lesson later.

Beth Hewitt: [00:36:34] When I was setting up this podcast, you remember we had to do like our 10 commandments. It was called wasn't it like the vision of values that we would have for our show. And one of them was for me, was not to. Have this victim mentality that the stories I share would not focus on that, but they would focus on learning those lessons and not stick it in that victim mentality for too long. Anyway. I'm interested to ask you this question. What has been that thing that's [00:37:00] been really calling you?

And do you feel like things that your child has been some kind of golden thread throughout your life that has been leading you to this place right now?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:37:10] The, Raven and the title, Raven transcending fear is. Really about the fact that my native American tribe is Athabaskan Tliglet, Raven clan. The clan is the immediate family. So the Raven in Tlignlet, it is the bringer of light and what helps humanity learn to be one with the earth? So in my research, In high school, about the Raven.

I learned an awful lot about Norse mythology and how in Greek mythology, it's also about being able to be the spirit. The Raven is between the spirit world and the earth. And it's the bridge.

But the other aspect to it, like in the Bible, the Raven [00:38:00] is so resourceful that when Noah actually releases the Raven first, not the dove and releases the Raven and the Raven never comes back because the Raven is so resourceful.

It's about bounty in the Bible. The Raven is a symbolism of abundance. So in doing all this research, the Raven ended up becoming very symbolic to me in transformation. And in realizing that from the time I was born, I was part of this magical Raven clan. And everybody can be a part of the magical Raven plan because we all have.

That story, we all have that hero's journey that we're supposed to be on. And I know that my job is to help people transcend their fear and take their own personal spiritual journey.

Beth Hewitt: [00:38:49] Wow. And I think you said in your book about the Raven sometimes symbolizing this almost like the dark or the death, all the darkness, and people do have that [00:39:00] connotation where they do that for some reason. But I think it's a really beautiful symbolic, a symbol of the journey that you've been on and even thinking about, what's been calling you in this lifetime, you can see how that transcends into, the native American tribes prior to you being here as well.

So I'm moving back to today. And as entrepreneurs, we all have a platform of choice, a particular strategy that is helping to share who we are with the world. You've mentioned, you've got three different, platforms, I suppose right now with your blogging podcasts and YouTube, but what's working for you right now in terms of getting your message and story out there.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:39:37] I would really say it's my blog, because for me, writing is where I thrive. That is one of my superpowers is I can tell a story and I can bring it together so that it is concise. And that when you're done reading, you have usable things that you can put into practice. And so therefore I think that the [00:40:00] blog for me is the most important channel for me to use.

The others are ancillary and feed off of that. And I am seeing growth in all the areas and all, even the social media platforms, I'm seeing growth in all of them, but I think it's all based on the fact that I write that one piece of content.

Beth Hewitt: [00:40:20] Yeah, I think you've reminded me that I should maybe go back to. Blogging. And I think I've put everything into podcasting, but actually my superpowers is also in writing. And I think, I could use something similar to you in terms of creating scripts and doing that. So that's a reminder to me as well as our listeners today.

So the show is obviously called visualize you, what do you visualize for yourself in the future? Yeah.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:40:44] I see myself that, leaving corporate, sooner than I think, and I see myself really. Homing in on providing people other ways to transcend their own fears, through courses, online courses, webinars. And I think that. [00:41:00] Everybody has their own trauma story. Everybody has their own fear set.

Everybody has their own limiting beliefs and being able to find a way to transcend them is part of the journey that we are all here on. And I think everybody can do it. And I certainly, a lot of people read my story and are amazed that I was able to do it, but if I can do it, so can you.

Beth Hewitt: [00:41:25] I love that. And people certainly can do that. I loved how. Just from the beginning of your story, you talked about being this independent little girl and, you went off into the world and I thought that was, a really great intro to that, to the book and everything. So thank you for sharing your story today.

Where can people find out more about you and where can they find the book?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:41:46] You can find me at TerriKozlowski.com. The book can be found on Amazon, where you can go to raventranscendingfear.com and there's a link there. And my podcast is soul solutions, podcast.com and it's everywhere.

[00:42:00] Beth Hewitt: [00:42:00] fabulous. I put all the links in today's show notes. So thank you very much for joining us today, Terri.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:42:05] Thank you very much, Beth. I had a good time.

Beth Hewitt: [00:42:07] Everybody. How amazing was that interview? How amazing is Terri's an interviewee? And sharing her story. So a couple of nuggets that I got from today's episode, the first was around. This idea of using busy-ness as a coping mechanism and being able to understand the difference between being busy for the sake of being busy and using it as an addiction to cover whatever you're not dealing with.

And. The flip side, which is when you are truly in flow, when you are truly following your passion and your joy, and it just becomes so easy, there's no resistance and you enjoy the activity of creating. I never really looked at what I do personally in that way. And I was really really keen to understand the differences between being busy [00:43:00] and hiding something or repressing something or trying to block out something and being busy because you love what you do.

I love how resilient Terri has been throughout her whole of her life and how she sees the positives in everything. There's something that I try to live too. And I also try to bring out in other people as well, especially when they can't see the positivity for themselves. I love how she talks about when she was a stay-at-home mom but did the volunteering and all of those skills that she amassed over that period of time.

She is able to channel into an amazing career and now has an amazing business where she's able to follow those passions further. So if you were a stay-at-home mom right now. There is a lot to be sad for all of the amazing work that you're doing, both in the home or volunteering, or in some other aspect of your life. And you can use all of those skills, certainly to channel into creating something that you passionately love, whether it's a business or a hobby, or [00:44:00] whatever.

 I loved, what Terri said about asking ourselves, what are we getting out of staying in victim mode, in a victim mentality. I think it's easy to stay there for a long period of time, because we may be angry. We may be resentful. We are hurt, but sometimes like Terri says, there just isn't an answer as to why something has happened to us.

That doesn't necessarily need to be an answer to the issue. There is never a real response to something so tragic and.

and whilst ever we are searching for the answer. We are held stuck in that place of victim hood and in that egoic state. And that's our way of our ego trying to protect us. But all it really does is keeps us. In a place that is unresourceful

 And, understanding that the egoic mind has its job to do. Yeah, it has its place in our journey, but you can tell it a different story. [00:45:00] You get to choose how you listen to it and interpret it and live your life as a result of it.

. It was also the first time that I think I had heard anybody explain depression and anxiety in such a way that depression is about being stuck in the past or in past patterns. And anxiety is about the fear of the future of about doing something in the future. And that the only way to get rid of being stuck in the past or in the future in terms of anxiety, is to see yourself in the present and to be in the now.

so I hope you have enjoyed this episode, please tune in for upcoming episodes. I've got some new interviewees scheduled in if you're listening to this episode, at some point in the future, you will probably be able to find the waitlist for my membership, visualize and thrive in the notes section.

And I look forward to sharing another podcast episode with [00:46:00] you very soon.

The post How to Escape Victimhood and Transcend Fear appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here 

In episode #34, I'm joined by Lauren Rome and we discuss authenticity and community and being in touch with your customers. Lauren has spent the last decade in New York City grinding in the tenacious environment of Wall Street. A woman on the go, Lauren tried countless skin care products, but nothing seemed to work to combat the stress, which led to breakouts, dark circles, and dehydrated skin. Empowered by the idea that she could help people feel their best, she embarked on a mission to create the solution she and others needed and launched Romer Skincare, a simplified, gender-neutral skincare brand.

Some of the takeaways from this episode include:

More from Lauren Rome and Romer Skincare

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/romerskincare

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/romerskincare/

Pinterest – https://www.pinterest.com/romerskincare/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/romerskincare

Use the Listener Discount Code LISTENER15 at www.romerskinscare.com

Mentioned in the Show

Get the Book – The Power of Scripting

Leave a Review on Itune to be entered into a draw for a 30-minute coaching session.

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

Join the Visualise You Community 

More from Beth

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

[00:00:00] Today's episode is brought to you by Romer skincare based out of Chicago. Romer launched a work from home clean skincare line that covers all of your skin needs.

Romer have proved that you don't need a million serums eye creams or moisturizers to get better skin. Why we love that? They have clean ingredients and effective results with just as simple three-step routine that both you and your partner can use together. Right now, Romer skincare is offering all US-based listeners, 15% off and a gift with your first purchase by using the code listener 15 on their website at romerskincare.com.

Romer skincare No stress, no clutter, just happy, healthy skin

 [00:01:00] Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening. Wherever you are in the world. Welcome to another episode of the Visualise You Show. This is episode a 34, and we're going to be doing an interview with a business owner called Lauren Rome. And Lauren is the founder of a Romer skincare. But before we get there, what kind of week have you been having?

I've been having a crazy week in [00:02:00] relation to cars. I'm trying to manifest a car right now. I thought I'd found the perfect car. I bought the car. The car came home. I went out in a I here today. The engine management light came on. I asked the garage to come and pick it up and fix it. They took it away.

And then I decided that you know what, there's too much resistance here. This is not the car for me. And I asked my money back and I eventually got my money back after towing and throwing with them and going do lots of different hurdles with them. And then my old car got. Towed away. It's going to scrap heap.

Heaven is no longer sat on the drive anymore. I sat in it the day before actually and cleaned it out. So I'd got all my belongings out of it and it was actually talking to me. It was making all kinds of noises. So I was really sad to see it go. It went out with a blaze of glory because the tow truck, the guy who was driving it.

Who was also a character? He [00:03:00] forgot to lift the backend of his truck up and, it was screeching down the road. There are now two white, bright lines down the center of my Hill, in the middle of my street. And, yeah, so I'm having a great week with cars. I then saw another car, asked to put a deposit down and someone had literally just put a deposit down on it five minutes before. So I know all of this can feel really frustrating if you are going through these kinds of things where you're trying, you just want something to happen and to achieve something, but things. Just, not happening the way that you want.

It could be that there's resistance, or it could be that the universe is just shuffling a few things around for you. Count these experiences as driftwood and examples that the Universe is getting everything ready for you. So I am a firm believer that my car is going to appear in the next couple of weeks, but until then I am Car-less.

Now, anyway today we are talking to Lauren Rome [00:04:00] of Romer skincare. So Lauren has spent the last decade in New York, grinding in a tenacious environment of wall street. She really is a woman on the go and her. Tried during that time, countless skincare products, nothing seemed to work to combat the stress, which was leading to breakouts, dark circles, and dehydrated skin.

I think we've all been there so empowered by the idea that she could help other people feel their best. Lauren embarked on a mission to create a solution. She and others needed. She now lives full time in Chicago with her husband. She's a proud mom of a golden retriever and her skin has never looked better.

And I know you can't see that because he's podcasts. But believe me, I saw her over Skype, and she looked beautiful. So she spends less time trying new products and more time on the things that mattered. Lauren is continuing to build a community around her brand and helping others [00:05:00] discover the joy of healthy.

Beautiful skin. And the thing I really loved about this interview was Lauren's desire to create a simplified beauty product because we all have. Bathroom cabinets full of all of these different beauty products. We don't necessarily know what's in them. We don't know necessarily what they're doing for us skin, and yet we keep buying them.

They may be overpriced and are they actually that good for our skin? So Lauren has created a new beauty product brand, a line that simplifies all of that. And also it is gender neutral. So these are from men and women, and it's one product line that is simple and easy to understand and is for everybody.

So let head over to the interview and I'll let you hear all about Lauren's pivot story. What it was like to work on wall street as a woman and some of the other life lessons [00:06:00] Lauren has experienced along the way. I hope you enjoy this one.

 Beth: [00:06:05] Welcome everybody. To another episode of the visualize you show. I'm joined today by Lauren Rome founder of Romer Skincare Lauren. It's so lovely to have you on the podcast today.

Lauren: [00:06:15] Thanks for having me, my pleasure. Happy to be here.

Beth: [00:06:18] Let's just dive right in. Let's hear from you, how you went from working on Wall Street, a very male dominated, stressful, high paced environment to starting your own company in the skincare industry. Because I think when we talk about pivots and change of direction, I think that is something that is, there's quite a difference between those two environments isn't there.

So tell us your story. How did that all happen?

Lauren: [00:06:42] I obviously spent a decade on wall street and, that's a very specific path. I studied finance and economics in university, and then when I went off and started my first job right out of school. [00:07:00] I thought I would be doing that forever.  I think when you're young and in your early twenties, you're excited by the hustle and bustle and all these smart people around you.

And I, I did really love, the community and being in this corporate world, but I think, for me, what stood out as I was nearing my 10th year there is that I wasn't really creating anything. And, while I enjoyed talking about markets and talking about, providing solutions for people, they weren't tangible solutions.

And when I had this sort of passion project on the side of helping, alleviate my own stress. And I'll talk a little bit about why I created Romer, but really it became clear to me that, Wall Street wasn't quite as fulfilling and that I should, in this next phase of my [00:08:00] career, go off and.

Really explore how to create a brand and products that I'm proud of, that I really can stand behind that actually do solve people's problems, tangibly. And so out of that, I then left, and I did a lot of research and development because it's not a world I was very familiar with. I was just a consumer of it. And low and behold, a year later, after that transition out of corporate America, I then launched Romer.

Beth: [00:08:32] Wow. Okay. So you talk about that year there then. So what were you doing in that period of time? Because I think listeners of this show who may be thinking about right, where do I start? Do I quit my job tomorrow? Do I put them some things in place? What was that year kind of transition period like for you?

What did that involve?

Lauren: [00:08:49] Amazingly, I had a series of personal events, all. Happened at the same time. And I don't know if this is the case for everyone [00:09:00] when they go to pivot, but it certainly happened for me. I was long distance dating my then boyfriend now, husband. But we were going back and forth from New York to Chicago, and he asked me to marry him, and he also asked me to move to Chicago.

And so in light of that, Request. I had one of these sorts of, okay, this is a time to step back and decide what I want to do next. Do I want to continue working for the same company and try and make it happen in Chicago? Or do I want to stay in New York or do I want to use this as an opportunity to really.

Pivot everything. And I ended up choosing the latter and the full transition. A full one 80 of leaving that job, getting engaged, moving cities. And it all happened in a few weeks. And then of course, deciding to launch the [00:10:00] brand. And while I had been really interested.

in skincare and my skin and helping alleviate my own skincare frustrations and frustrations with the beauty industry. It really was only a passion project. It was just a hobby of mine until I had this awesome moment where I could say, wow, I can really take this idea to the next level and use this life event to take some time to try and make it happen.

Beth: [00:10:32] I really like that using like the events that are thrown at us, those life events that we just didn't plan for, but that happened, and it could be happy things or something. So we might be made redundant, or we might be furloughed or, COVID hates whatever. And using that to leverage the next direction because I think it's. Very easy to just slip into, that war, this stair that I'm in, that whole victim mentality. And I think it takes a special kind of mindset to, to [00:11:00] move in a different direction when something like that happens.

Lauren: [00:11:02] It definitely wasn't easy. I will say that. The ideas had been kicking around for six months. So I make it sound like, Oh, wow. I, I got engaged and it's time to move on, but I would say it was really, it was really challenging because I cared deeply about my career. It was my identity I was w I worked hours and hours at this place that really, I called my second home.

And this is a complete departure and something so unknown and new to me which we can obviously talk about. But I, I think that the more I took stock of what am I looking for as far as fulfillment and what am I looking for? In life and what, what do I want my new identity to be made up and comprise of.

And ultimately, I felt that was the right decision. And now looking, a year, two years back from when I left and one year back from winning, when I actually launched the brand, [00:12:00] I don't have any sort of regrets about that change.

Beth: [00:12:04] And that's so good to hear. I think that's so good for people to hear. And I love the importance of allowing yourself to reinvent ourselves. We can have multiple careers; we can create multiple businesses. We don't have to stick in this one career. And I think like you say, we start to identify with our career.

It becomes a part of our personality. And I think some people who. Maybe haven't planned or haven't given them self-permission to do that when something does hit and they do get made redundant, for example, then the field, like the grieving part of their identities. I think it's really an important step.

And part of the process that you've mentioned there in terms of, what is important so what is it like as a woman working on Wall Street?

Lauren: [00:12:46] So now, I'd say it's a lot more common than you might expect. In fact, I know from, because I was on a recruiting team that hired, students out of my Alma mater the firms are so [00:13:00] focused on bringing in diversity and bringing in women. So it's interesting because I think now you do have a lot of representation from.

All different, experiences and backgrounds. Whereas 25 years ago, it may have looked very different. In fact, even the dress code is much more relaxed now, especially now that a lot of people are home, and my husband is still in that world. That's how we met. But I think it takes, in all of these kinds of really, high charging.

Environments, it takes a certain person to really want to thrive and want to be part of this, exciting yet also very demanding work world and there's physical elements that are really challenging. That led me to some of my own burnout, which also made that decision to, to leave a little easier.

But then there's also things I really miss about it. And being a woman on [00:14:00] Wall Street, I don't think is much different than being a man on wall street in today's world. But I, I think it's a unique spot, at least for me to start my career and build my foundation and some of the skills that I learned at Goldman Sachs, are some that I still take with me now as I'm running my own business.

And I think that was really important that, I had the, I built the foundation and had the mentors to help teach me certain lessons that now I apply every day when I'm doing something completely different.

Beth: [00:14:34] I think that's really positive to hear, so you said it takes a certain kind of person to go into that environment in the first place.

Do you feel like you were that person when you first went in or do you feel like being in that environment is what has made you a stronger person and able to? Build a successful business today.

Lauren: [00:14:50] I think a little bit of both. I think I. Went in with a certain intensity that I find was probably there before [00:15:00] I worked there. And that's an intensity that I've just grown up with. And maybe it's from the environment of growing up, up in New York city where it's very resilient and people are very tough.

And it's the city that never sleeps and I wasn't getting much sleep. So I think there is some element of that surrounding and environment that had, that led me to be the right type of character for the, that world. But then also I think there's a lot of skills that are acquired on the job and learning how to deal with different types of people, learning how to be a really good listener, learning how to think quickly and adapt quickly.

Those are all skills that I'd say I navigated and built from being there for so many years.

Beth: [00:15:49] Wherever anybody is in their career right now, just knowing that the skills and experiences that the building can really help propel them. And they can totally use them in, other things, businesses or their [00:16:00] careers. So you created Romer skincare. What was the problem that you were?

Creating a solution. for? And tell us about the products that you have.

Lauren: [00:16:10] Sure. So as I described the environment's pretty tenacious, and I was on the go a lot. I was. Traveling a lot, which is obviously not the case anymore. But it was the case a few years ago. And I suffered from lack of time in my daily routine. So dark circles, dehydrated skin stress, which led to break outs.

All the stuff that takes a toll on my physical appearance. And then also how I felt inside it's confidence, shattering. And I think I wasn't ever obsessed with beauty or skincare. I [00:17:00] wasn't. Really a person who wore a lot of makeup ever, that being said, I still wanted to look good and feel good. And I found the whole world of beauty to be confusing.

I would walk into my store and see hundreds and hundreds of products so much. And there's a lot of fancy labels and callouts thrown at me and I had no idea what I was really. Investing in. And so I did a lot of research and of course my bathroom cabinets were overflowing with products and I felt like I didn't have the right paired down few products that I could trust that were clean, that I knew would do the job and save me time.

And this is also the time, like I said, when I was traveling back and forth, To my boyfriend. And he also was in the bathroom kind of fumbling through the same challenges. And I recognized [00:18:00] that there is white space. And why is there not a very easy simplified routine that is pretty, straightforward for the average person to understand.

That could help me with my skin issues, make me feel better, but not take up too much time, money, energy, et cetera. And the more I peel back the layers of what's going on in the beauty industry, the more I talked with dermatologists and chemists and all sorts of people, the more I felt that there is a gap and I need to be the one to fill it.

And so I decided to create three products. A cleanser to be used in the morning. And at night you wake up, you wash your face with the cleanser. You go to bed, you wash your face with the cleanser, clean off makeup. It's good for women also wash your face. Good for men. And then I built a moisturizer. [00:19:00] The moisturizer is an again.

Use it in the morning, right after you wash your face, use it at night, right before you go to bed. And then lastly, an overnight mask that was meant to be used a few days a week for those people who have, greater challenges with their skin, including things like. Very dry skin in the winter, or they're experiencing some mask, any irritation from wearing a mask, all these problems that we're currently facing at the moment, I wanted to make sure that I built a product that was a little bit more specialized that had a little bit more of those active ingredients that could specifically nail certain problems that I was facing.

And I felt lots of other people were facing too. And so lo and behold, we launched the brand. And did a lot of research on whether men and women could share it, making sure that the products were easily accessible, and easy to use and easy to understand. And then also do so with this I, and lens on sustainability [00:20:00] and transparency and education, because the things that I found most lacking in all the products that I was using is that I didn't understand what was in them.

And I didn't know why they were helping my skin or not. And so for me, it was crucial to make sure that I told that story with the brand and with the line.

Beth: [00:20:20] And I just love the fact that is for everybody are other companies doing that. Is that a unique kind of thing that you've found as part of your marketing?

Lauren: [00:20:28] It's now becoming a lot more common. There are lots of brands and I don't know if it's cause I'm in this space, but I do think there are, given that we're breaking through barriers as far as what's defined as beautiful and how people even define themselves. I think there's a lot more overlap as far as products go being shared among men and women of people with different backgrounds and also people with different skin types.

And we had a feeling that this would be a [00:21:00] difficult space to crack into because historically for so many decades, products have been advertised and marketed towards women. And products have been advertised and marketed towards Matt and separately. And so it's a unique challenge for us to try and.

Sell this, value proposition that yes, in fact, the products are meant to be used by both. They can be and not ha and basically break the mold that, certain products should smell a certain way and that a female.

Beth: [00:21:33] I really like that because it also streamlines the kind of, if there's two of you in the house and you only need to buy one, there's just like all the benefits as well as breaking through. All of the noise when you walk into a store. So one of the things that I really loved about your brand and what you're trying to achieve is that building a community around the brand as well, which I think is really smart.

Tell us about that. You mentioned community earlier on in the interview, actually, when you're talking about corporate. So I just wondered if that's something that's really important to you [00:22:00] and that's always been there. Tell us about that.

Lauren: [00:22:02] So community is huge. Personally, it's a value of mine and it's one of my, it's one of the things that I put high on my list as far as, Things that give me fulfillment. And I drive happiness from so having a community and that can be anything from a group of friends that we share a book with every month, like a book club, or that can be from a professional standpoint, having people that you share ideas with, or you commiserate with them and things are going wrong.

And I felt the same when I was building the brand that I wanted to make sure to build a big base of people who could share ideas and share their feelings and feedback because that three 60 feedback loops is so important without the consumers. We D we don't have a business and we can't be [00:23:00] better as a company and as a brand.

And so something that gives me a lot of passion is getting people to try the products, finding out their stories, hearing that they love the products and hearing how I can transform their skin. Because that's what happened with me. I was struggling with my skin. And so it really becomes the most rewarding part of what I do.

And it is, I think. The most important part of being a good brand founder, because you need to be able to listen. You need to be able to hear what people say, react and respond to that feedback and get better. And we're doing that. I think, something that we heard in the first year, is that our moisturizer wasn't big enough.

The product was being used up very quickly, which is a good thing. And the pump was, the pump was challenging to use because it took up so much space in the bottle. So we said, okay, how can we build different packaging that still is [00:24:00] sustainable, if not more sustainable. That gives the customer what they're looking for.

And so in a few months, we're launching. A new packaging vessel that's fully recyclable. So it takes the spring out of the picture, and also gives the customer more product in their purchase or in their one unit. And it's a better, it's just a better function. So it's easier to use.

And so this change, I would never have been able to make this change if I didn't have the support of the community surrounding the brand and how we do this is a few fold. We tend to ask our. Customers for feedback in survey format, we also invited all of them to a Facebook group. That's a closed, but open Facebook groups, you have to apply to, to be a member of it.

But then also we give discounts and promotions and lots of insights and share [00:25:00] education because we want the customer to really understand the story behind every decision we made when we the products.

Beth: [00:25:08] I think it's really smart. And I think, yeah, you bring in people on a journey with you as well, and they can just see how valued they are. And I think it's smart as well, because I see a lot of service-based companies using communities, but not as many product-based companies. And there's just so much value that you're deriving from that already in your, your short space of time that you've been running.

Lauren: [00:25:31] also think, the authenticity. Is what people really want to read about and hear about and

of course, despite our best efforts, being an entrepreneur and achieving the success we hope for, isn't always an outcome we see in face right away. And the more I can share those headwinds.

The more that community gets behind us. And I think that's okay. The road [00:26:00] of launching a brand, especially before a pandemic is bumpy. And I love what I do. I love sharing that. I love creating products that people love. But there are challenges and that's the fire that keeps us going.

And I think that's the thing that. Customers really want to see, not only do they want to hear about, the ingredients and they want full transparency, they also want to learn about what, the behind the scenes.

Beth: [00:26:28] I absolutely agree. I think. And the thing about communities is people wouldn't be. Being there to didn't want to be in there in the first place or the fact that you've got them there. I think it's a really good thing.

 [00:27:00] we’ve talked about a lot already, but can you identify maybe a life lesson that you've, you've learned whether it's a low point or a high point, whether it's in your career or as you've been starting, the business that you could share with the listeners.

Lauren: [00:27:42] I think the most important thing over the last here, first of all, you can't take anything in life for granted, so you better enjoy the life you're given because, you never know when that can be taken. And first on a more melancholy [00:28:00] note I think we have to appreciate what's happening right now in the world.

And. The second is to find a support system, support others, but also find people to support you because no matter what you're doing, whether you're building your own business, whether you're venturing out on a different professional path or doing something new, I'd say the thing that's kept me.

Putting one foot in front of the other, which is all we got to do is to have people who are there to listen to be, to be your support, to be a shoulder, to cry on when you need it to help boost you up, who are proud of you, regardless of what happens, and make sure that you can find them. Those can be, and it will all serve different roles.

It could be friends; it could be family. It could be professional mentors or therapists who knows. But that's been my saving grace over this past 12 months and something that I would advise everyone to do. And it doesn't matter if [00:29:00] you're 55 years old or 21 years old. Start that process of building your circle, building your network of people, your community, your personal community of people to support you.

Beth: [00:29:17] Yeah, I agree completely with that higher rate time and time again, actually from people that come on and the coaches and the mentors that I've had. I think sometimes when we start a business, we want to do everything ourselves as well, which I think just as human beings, we don't want to delegate it, or we don't want to ask her advice.

We're like, we're going to figure this out. But I think the so much. Power in having other people around us who can support us on that journey. Who've maybe done it before, or just a sounding board for us to, to share ideas with. So I absolutely agree with all of that. So has it been something that's always been calling you?

Or do you feel like your career has been a natural progression to, to stay in the business?

Lauren: [00:29:52] I think I felt this itch and this calling the more I leaned [00:30:00] into my own struggles. So my own challenges, which I found. We're at one point a real weakness. I used as a strength to help build the brand and start this idea. And I keep going back to that. Why, this is what motivated me to do this in the first place, because it helps me remember that I'm doing something I love and that's really fulfilling.

And so I don't think it was a natural progression, although I do believe that the union verse works in a weird way and that even though I didn't know it, 12 years ago, I think, it's interesting that I'm now doing something very different, but, yeah, I think. You just have to listen to what your insides are telling you, what your guts telling you.

And mine was telling me the more I did research, the more I [00:31:00] spoke to people in the beauty industry and beauty world, the more I felt I had an idea that was worth and that to me was that moment where. I knew I needed to somehow make this happen at some point.

Beth: [00:31:19] I like that. I think sometimes people can, if they're not sure what it is that they're supposed to be doing, they go on this kind of soul, searching of trying to find their purpose in the world. But I think sometimes that's the wrong way of. Looking at it, it's almost in the journey. And actually what you just talked about, that it was actually the more research you did, the more action you took in a direction, you weren't sure where it was heading book.

You kept getting validated that this is the right path. This is what I should be doing. And I think sometimes we can get stuck in not doing anything because we're trying to figure out, oh my goodness, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing in the world, but you took the action. I always feel like have that [00:32:00] vision, have a, have the why, but take aligned action.

And it'll start to show itself, feel, start to

Lauren: [00:32:08] that's exactly right. Once it started to pick up steam, just the engine gets move in and you just, you start working even faster. And I think even today we talked about the intensity of wall street. I'm probably working. Three times as hard now, in this seat than I was when I was working on wall street.

And the difference is, you're working for you, you're working on your own ideas, you're creating something. And and there's a lot more flexibility. So I actually, I can actually take time to go for a walk during the day outside, whereas I probably couldn't in my old seat, but there is that there, it will naturally occur and don't yeah, I think that's the point doesn’t go searching for your idea.

It will come to you as you're going through and going through your daily life and going about your daily life, trying to [00:33:00] better understand how to solve certain problems that you're facing. And that's the, that would be the, that was the key that got me. To go change my, go take my pivot and change my career.

Beth: [00:33:12] Yeah. So we've mentioned some of what I would call your superpowers already. The things that you maybe learn along the way on your path, but is there some superpowers that you'd like to share our listeners today?

Lauren: [00:33:24] I think it's a lot of the stuff we've already talked about. So listening to others, that's a big one, building a community and seeing and witnessing other people's problems and being able to share in that. I feel lucky that I'm helping people every day. Look and feel better. And every time I get a positive review, I'll be at small.

It might only be a sentence. It makes me light up because that means I'm onto something. I'm doing something right. That's a super [00:34:00] power. I'm really proud of.

Beth: [00:34:01] That's great. And I saw that you also donate to environmental causes as well. So again, is that something that lights you up inside?

Lauren: [00:34:12] Definitely. We made a very conscious decision not to cut corners from the beginning stages all the way through to where we are today. And so I wanted to make sure that not only were we thinking about. The environment when we were selecting ingredients, which a lot of what's in the bottle is mined or farmed.

So you want to make sure that those mining practices or those farming practices are being done so that they don't hurt the environment. So the first was ingredient selection, and then all the way to how we give back once we take money from a customer. So we wanted to make sure that we also supported causes.

That help the planet. And this is something that the beauty [00:35:00] industry, unfortunately, is a big offender of, they create a lot of waste each year. It's mainly driven by the biggest largest beauty companies out there, but I think no matter how big or small your brand is. Customers really do care about making sure that the brands they support also support the causes that they care about.

And I was a customer. I wanted to make sure that our brand mission was aligned with my own values as a consumer. And while I'm not perfect. And by no means, am I an environmental junkie? There's plenty of people out there who are. Perhaps way more hippy-dippy or live a much more waste, free conscious life.

I think everyone can start somewhere and we need to do better for this planet. It's the [00:36:00] challenges, the climate challenges that we face are real and, hopefully, it will get better with time and with brands like us who are trying to do our best to affect change.

Beth: [00:36:12] yeah. So you have this company and there's entrepreneurs or have these platforms of choice where we share our messages. What's working for you as a company in terms of getting yourself out there.

Lauren: [00:36:24] Right now I think being authentic has been. Something I recognize as helping drive much more business. And so anyone who is struggling, if you're selling a product or even a service, I think the more you can tell your story, you can get in front of a camera, which is not as easy to do for some, the more you can get out there, the more you can show that behind the scenes, the more you can show.

Why you are doing the things you're doing or [00:37:00] creating the things you're creating, the more people will love, accept, buy from, sign up for the things that you're promoting and. Every time we ask the question of our community, what do you want to see more of? They want to see more of the founder. They will want to see more of the behind the scenes.

So yes, it feels great to show it pretty picture one that feels very. Crafted and perhaps those product photos on cool, fancy backdrops or something that's, spent a lot of time editing, but the stuff that performs the best for us is the stuff that's raw. The stuff that is doesn't require as much time and effort and energy to put together, but just happens to be more honest and real.

Beth: [00:37:50] Yeah. And I'm glad you said that because I read a quote that you said on body beauty, where I think the question was, what does unapologetic [00:38:00] mean? And you said unapologetic is true. Bravery, the courage to break the mold and not say, sorry for being authentic and honest, that's really powerful.

And it reminded me of. The poem by Marianne Williamson. I don't know if you've the name of a book. We'll send it, put a link to it, but it's, it talks about when we allow ourselves to be our true selves, we allow others to also be their true selves and that when we hide away, when we hide who we really are, we're not just being a disservice to ourselves, but we're being a disservice to other people out there in the world.

And I just think there's so much. Truth in that I think as entrepreneurs or just as human beings going about our daily lives, we find it sometimes really hard just to be ourselves, for whatever reason we put these masks on, or we say the right things, or we try to say the right things when really, we want to say something else, and we try to fit into society.

And I think we should just be more of ourselves more of the time because it's more uplifting and for ourselves, but also for other [00:39:00] people, it gives other people permission to do that for themselves.

Lauren: [00:39:03] that's. I love that so much. And I can't wait to read the full poem. The. The world that we live in today, especially with social media is so fabricated and so artificial. And I think we're going to have a Renaissance of people and we probably already are of people who, see through the BS to be Frank and want.

 A less scripted, more honest portrayal of either what's happening in the world or what's happening in someone's life. And yeah, and that's not only important for us as we're doing it to drive our own, personal fulfillment or satisfaction in the process, but also, it's going to make everyone else around us. Better participants of society. So I love that. [00:40:00] That's great.

Beth: [00:40:01] I think it really well. I think the other thing as well, from a business point of view is that you start to attract your ideal customers because you are showing up as who you are, your brand is what your brand is, and the things are more aligned. So from a business sense, I think there's so much to be learned from that authentic.

Marketing sales, YPO, whatever you want to call it. So this is the visualize you show. So what do you visualize for yourself and your company in the future?

Lauren: [00:40:27] I visualize us helping thousands of people. Give them time back for the stuff that matters. And I visualize for me also giving myself time back for the stuff that matters. Not always easy as an entrepreneur in her first year of business, because much of me. Free time is spent thinking and dreaming and talking about Roemer, but I know it [00:41:00] exists and it can happen.

And I'm excited for the future where we have helped not only hundreds, but thousands of people, in a big way. Get them closer, connected to their partner in the bathroom, or also just give them time back, give them space back on those bathroom shelves,

and give them better skin.

Beth: [00:41:22] So when I talk about visualization to other people, a lot of people focus on what's in it for me. W what's my vision for myself, but you just talked about what will my vision allow other people to do? And that's the bit that is so powerful when you start to visualize not just.

For your own reality, but the impact that you're going to have on the world. So I love that you, you shared that from the perspective of what other people are going to get out of what year you're offering to the world. So thank you so much for being on the show today. I feel like we've had a really great discussion in loads of different areas, and it's been a pleasure to have you on the show.

Where can people find out more about your [00:42:00] company and more about you online?

Lauren: [00:42:02] Thank you for having me. I loved it as well. You can find us on our website, Romer skincare.com, R O M E R. Cause sometimes people ask me for the spelling. We're also on all the social channels. The handle is Romer skincare. And we shipped to right now, the United States, but hopefully soon we'll be expanding internationally.

And so if, if you want to join our community, we're welcoming coming people in love for people to try the products. We feel really proud of what we've built and I'm excited to share that with all of you.

Beth: [00:42:40] Fabulous. We'll put all of the links to where people can find you in the show notes. And, thank you so much for being on the show today.

Hey, everybody. I hope you enjoyed today's interview with Lauren. I really enjoyed what she said about working on wall street. I think we have these images of what its, maybe like to work on wall street. [00:43:00] We've seen the films Wolf of wall street. We've seen the trading images on the news. And I think it was really positive to hear that it is more diverse today that women are more included in that environment.

And it certainly, it feels like a less, male dominated environment than I first anticipated.

 Lauren felt really passionate about the importance of community when building a brand and that importance of listening to your customer feedback and letting customers know the decisions behind everything that you do as a business and how you produce your brand and product.

She really embraced this ability to get 360 feedback from customers and included them as part of her business, strategy,

I thought it was really interesting that Lauren said she had this urge to create a product and a brand that would solve a person's problems. And she didn't necessarily know that she was going to end up working in the beauty industry, but yet she [00:44:00] had this urge to create something. I think sometimes that urge we have as entrepreneurs is difficult to put a label on it.

It's like a desire to fulfill, A contract that we maybe have with the universe. And so she followed that urge and she started taking aligned action. And the result was the creation of Romer Skincare.

And that desire turned into the creation of products that would simplify the beauty regime. We've all got things in our bathroom, cupboards that we don't necessarily know why we have them and what they do, what their purpose is, whether it's right for us or not.

And

I love Lauren's ability to create a product that was both gender neutral and simplified in three simple steps.

Lauren shared a few life lessons, like not taking everything for granted. Enjoy what you have.

As well as finding and figuring out where your support network is. Is it your friends? Is it your family? Is it your mentor? Is it a coach?

I also loved it [00:45:00] when we were talking about allowing ourselves to reinvent ourselves again and again, and not to identify solely with our careers.

Using life opportunities and experiences as a chance to really think about what you would like to be doing with your life. Lauren really leaned into that when there were changes happening in her life already, she really leaned into that and went, what could I do right now? That is going to super enhance what I'm already going through? And I can turn it into a positive and create a life that I love.

But one of the biggest takeaways I got from this interview was about enjoying the journey, taking aligned action in the direction of your dreams and being authentic and showing up as yourselves, both in your business and in your personal life. Will portray you as being honest and real and from a business sense, will help you sell because your customers are just like you, they have real lives and they are not hiding behind a brand, a polished brand. And I think sometimes as business owners, [00:46:00] we want to get everything so polished and perfect. When in all honesty, the real selling comes from making an authentic connection with your customers. I really hope you enjoyed today's interview.

If you would like to try out Lauren's skincare products. There is a special discount for Visualise You listeners. All of the details are in the show notes for today.

If you liked this interview, please do share your thoughts on social media. Tag me, visualize you on Instagram. I'm also on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn tag me in your stories.

And please remember if this is your first time listening to the podcast, or maybe it's not, please remembered to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

also, a reminder that my book, the power of scripting is now available for you to purchase. You can hear all about the power of scripting and the power of deliberate intent and manifesting by starting episode at 27 at through to episode 33, I look forward to sharing more [00:47:00] interviews with you next time.

The post Authenticity and Community. Being in touch with your Customers. appeared first on Beth Hewitt.

Listen on iTunes, Spotify or Stitcher and leave us a review so you can help support our show! Listen to more podcast episodes here 

It was an absolute pleasure to interview Dr Ashley Wellman. In episode #26 you will hear her heart-breaking story of how Ashley lost her husband suddenly and the journey she and her daughter have been on to develop a new magical life together out of the bereavement of a husband and father. 

Ashley shares openly, that whilst she was breaking, she was not broken. Ashley had vowed to her husband to create a magical life for her daughter and out of the bereavement process comes a beautifully poignant and illustrated children's book called The Girl Who Dances with Skeletons: My Friend Fresno.

I feel so blessed to share the amazing life lessons that can come from some of the most challenging times in our life. Whether you have been impacted by sudden death, trauma or losses of any kind, you will hear the beautiful messages of hope and resilience from Dr Ashley Wellman that will make you think about the choices you make during difficult times.

Some of the key takeaways from this episode include:

• How we all have the ability to find resilience in the most devastating of times.
• Just because you don't work in the same job anymore doesn't mean you lose the skills and experiences that came with it.
• That there is real power in choice, and that we get to choose every single second how we live our lives.
• Others can ONLY define you if you let them and when you give them the power to do so.
• How our human lives are intertwined with one another and that people are placed on our path sometimes for a season, but other times for a lifetime, and that we all have a part to play in each other's journeys.

I hope you get lots from this episode.

More from Dr Ashley Wellman

My Friend Fresno

Dr Ashley Wellman

Instagram @MyFriendFresno @DrAshleyWellman

LinkedIn

Twitter @MyFriendFresno @DrAshleyWellman

The Book – The Girl Who Dances With Skeletons: My Friend Fresno

Mentioned in the Show

How to Leave a Podcast Review on Itunes 

More from Beth

BethHewitt.com

The Power of Scripting  – Pick up my latest book.

The Journey to Gratitude – Join the next gratitude journey.

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

LinkedIn

The Full Show Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey everybody. Welcome to episode 26 of the Visualise You show. I'm your host, Beth, Hewitt, and this week on the show, I'm going to be sharing a very poignant, deep episode about resilience through. Grief loss and trauma and how the most beautiful, amazing things can come from adversity and tragedy.

Now I need to warn my listeners that whilst there are so many uplifting, inspiring messages in today's episode. We do touch on subjects like miscarriages, job losses, sudden death,

And there's even reference to sexual assault and violence. But this isn't a dark episode. This is an episode of light when our lives change direction, but not through our own choice.

So let me tell you a little bit of a backstory, actually, how I came to interview Dr. Ashley Wellman.

[00:01:00] Ashley is a criminologist who specializes in trauma and victimization supporting families affected by homicide, but it was Ashley's own story of losing her husband that saw her life change literally in an instant

Ashley and her daughter, Reagan have been such a source of inspiration. They’re. Now on this journey to share their first children's book, The Girl Who Dances with Skeletons, My Friend Fresno.

Which has been part of the healing process for Ashley and her daughter to get through this grief and pain which comes with losing and loved one. And.

Back in August. When I first started the podcast, I put a message out into a podcast community and asked the people to come forward who had pivot stories. And Ashley was one of the first people that reached out to me. And I [00:02:00] felt such a new podcaster that I didn't know if I would be able to have the skills to be able to.

Speak with Ashley about her story, even though I desperately wanted, because I was fixated by what she had created with this children's book and the message behind it and the work that she was trying to do in the world to help children and adults with their grief and coming through trauma.

But a funny thing happened.

Despite my apprehension, I still reached out to Ashley and said, I would love her to be on the podcast. I sent that email, but that email.

ended up in Ashley's spam folder. And she never saw it until a few months later, by which time I Id started to feel a little bit more accomplished as a podcast interviewer. And by the time she reached back out to me, I was ready to listen to her story. And I'm so grateful that there was that almost divine.

Interruption into the order of [00:03:00] how this story would come to be shared with you. My listeners,

There is so much amazing content in this episode but I'm going to let those nuggets. Drop in your consciousness the way they did for me the first time I heard them. And then I'll be back at the end of today's episode

whether you have experienced. Sudden death, trauma, or grief on any level or not.  I'm sure you will find something beautiful to take from today's episode. Enjoy.

 [00:04:00] Beth: [00:04:10] Okay. So welcome everybody to the Visualise You Show. I'm joined today by the lovely Dr. Ashley Wellman. Ashley thank you for joining us today.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:04:19] Thank you so much for having me.

Beth: [00:04:21] Let me just tell our listeners a little bit about you. Ashley is a criminologist specializing in trauma and victimization with this plus academic publication about homicide and sexual assault survivors.

She serves as a media expert, television commentator, and as an advocate for families impacted by violence. After her own tragedy, she added author to the list launching her own small business with the creation of her first children's book, The Girl Who Dances with Skeletons, my Friend, Fresno, I'm so looking forward to finding more out about this book, but above all her greatest role is being mother to her beautiful six-year-old Reagan.

And can I just check? Is Reagan still six?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:04:59] She [00:05:00] is still six. Yes. Yeah. She's May 15th. So she's.

Beth: [00:05:03] don't want to get ages.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:05:04] Not much for her, especially she's six and a half, she'd tell you for

Beth: [00:05:07] So Reagan six and a half everybody. Okay. So Ashley, welcome to the show. And can you just tell us about your kind of life and career journey today?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:05:15] so it's very interesting because when you hear that someone's a criminologist. I think people really struggle to say, what is that? And they think that they go to the CSI kind of concept that this is going to be someone who arrives on the scene after a crime. But really, I'm an academic, I'm a scholar kind of behind the scenes who tries to understand how and why certain crimes happen.

And for me specifically, I went through my education. I got my PhD at the University of Florida in 2011. And while I was there, my heart was really drawn to homicide. And that's what I wanted to study. But no one at the university studied homicide. And so they teased me like, why are you even here at this university?

And I thought, it’s one of the best in the country. And so that's [00:06:00] number one. But I ended up going to the cold case, homicide unit and Alachua County, where I was studying. And I said, Hey guys, you're the expert. Would you allow me to work alongside you as a graduate student and go through some of your cold cases and work with you.

And at first of course, they were like, no, because academics have a reputation, but we just bonded. And so they said, of course you can come. And they let me come every week. I went multiple times a week and worked through their cold cases. And my heart said, I'm going to understand why these cases go cold.

That journey shifted when a mother walked in and she said, I want to know what the expletive happened to my daughter. And the detective said, Ashley can talk to you. And that's where you see the victimology is part of me come into play because I had never worked alongside a survivor of violent crime.

To my knowledge, even though we all exist amongst survivors and [00:07:00] I didn't know what to say. And after about a four-hour conversation, she said, I didn't really come here for any specific answer. I came so that someone would listen to my story and remember my daughter. And that's where I literally said, okay, I have this platform, I'm going to start to share these stories of these families.

And that's the journey I've been on since, as an academic. Working alongside the incredibly resilient, the incredibly strong surviving family members of homicide and sexual assault. So as a campus advocate, I've served as a campus advocate before for sexual assault survivors. And so both male and female survivors on campus.

And it’s been one of the most rewarding journeys of my life.

Beth: [00:07:40] so is it literally like a light bulb went off when you had that conversation with that woman.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:07:44] I did. I went home. Cause as a scientist, you're trained that there's, these numbers are important in all of these things, but when I heard her story. I thought this is the good stuff. This is what people need to know. If I ask you, what's your grief, like on a scale of one to 10 and you say a six, what [00:08:00] does that mean?

But if you tell me your story, there's so much richness and knowledge to discover in somebody's personal story, which is, you're a podcast or you get this right.

Beth: [00:08:09] I light up, I love that side of

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:08:10] Yes. And so I went home that night and I started researching. I said, I'm just going to learn about the family.

So I'm better prepared. There wasn't anything out there. And so I thought what an underrepresented group of victims, we forget about the victims’ families.  Honestly, we forget about the offender's families as well. When we look in the criminal justice system, we always focus on the offender and in a homicide, the victims deceased.

And so they get forgotten as well. But these families are this second-tier group of victims that we don't talk about. And so I said, I'm going to give them a voice. And that's what I've been doing for the last 11 years of my career.

Beth: [00:08:48] And that's amazing. Do you still do that then?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:08:49] I do. I'm currently still a professor. I do research with the families and with sexual assault survivors as well.

I dabble in other fun things. Like we just did a slasher film paper and, some other things [00:09:00] to have a distraction for a bit, but I do, and I think I will forever be an advocate, even if I end up shifting my identity and career completely. I think I will always be an advocate because it's what makes me feel grounded and purposeful in the work that I do. And so I think I've become a better woman for being an advocate for others. And so I think that's always going to be something that is the core of who I am.

Beth: [00:09:23] And did you always want to go into criminology? what was your kind of TV program of choice.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:09:27] back then. It was the old school unsolved mysteries, and some of those different shows, the true crime shows I would actually watch with my dad, even when I was very young. I had this affinity for true crime. Now, when I went to college, my advisor said you don't want to do that. And they told me to actually specialize in something different.

And so I got my major in college was public relations. And I ended up being an event planner for a couple years, working at Barnes and noble, which comes full circle. But I was the community relations manager doing book [00:10:00] signings and author parties and those types of things.

And then I started working with law enforcement for a book drive. And I said, I should have studied what I loved. And I did. I went back and got my master's and PhD, after that.

Beth: [00:10:11] I'm so glad that happened. But this happens all the times where I teach you told me not to take, I think it was philosophy. I really wanted to do philosophy.  You can imagine the kind of interviews that I do, that would be something that would really resonate with me. And that the teacher at the open day was like, nah, you don't want to do that.

And I was like, all okay.

 Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:10:26] we listen to people. But the great thing is that life allows us to change and pivot, which we'll talk about later in the show, but I'm so grateful for that. I think as we get older, we lose the permission. We give ourselves to be willing, to be flexible and change, but in those changes is the magic.

So I'm glad we eventually don't listen, we get smarter eventually.

Beth: [00:10:45] So how’d you get from criminologists to writing a book?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:10:49] When I was, on this path of academia, that, that was really my major focus. I was dual mom, wife, and scholar. And [00:11:00] so we were so blessed with Reagan, very easy to conceive. We, we were grateful for that.

And so as I'm pursuing this, the success in academia, I'm getting speaking gigs around the world and I'm, on TV and I'm doing all of this. I got tenure, which is the Holy grail of academia. But at the same time in my personal life, we had struggled with baby number two, and we had suffered multiple miscarriages.

And anyone who's listening who has a partner or themselves has gone through a miscarriage. It really changes you. And each miscarriage shifted me. My perspective of life, even more. And it, each was very different. And so while I was growing and exceeding and excelling in my career, my personal life, I was really struggling because I had this amazing husband, this beautiful baby.

And yet the loss of each of those babies was really costing me personally. And so my husband buddy was so great. He said, Ash, I know everything's, like [00:12:00] you're doing well at work, but you're really unhappy. What if we made a change? What if we are just, he's I don't care if you want to be a barista, which has always been a secret dream of mine to own my own coffee shop, but that's not in the plans right now, not today.

He said, I don't care if you want to do that. We could literally skit on and get a tiny home and travel. I don't care, but I need my wife back and Reagan needs the light back from you. And he was right. So I got a therapist and I also started looking for a new job because I really did think a change of scenery would do us good.

I met up with a group of people who had, said, listen, Ashley, if you step away from this tenure track job, which is career suicide, mind you for anyone who's listening. If you take the chance and you step away from this tenure track job, you can start at this new institution with us, which is an amazing institution as an instructor.

You only need a master's degree to be an instructor, but they said, if you give it up, you could work your way back up into a tenure track position. This is easy peasy so I thought, of course I could, I'm, I've [00:13:00] done well. So I'm not really concerned about, stepping down because I can go back up.

And so we did, we made a really big career and life move. We moved to Texas and I thought, okay, this is it. We're starting over. We're going to dream big together. And. The day before I started my new job back in 2018, my husband actually died in our home, in front of my daughter and I, he collapsed and had at later we learned that he had a pulmonary embolism.

And what had happened was I ran downstairs, and he wasn't breathing. He had fallen and he was shaking on the floor. And I remember Reagan just screaming, please save my dad, please save my dad. Please save my dad. And I didn't know what to do, except call nine one one. And so they came, they told me he was okay.

Because he had a heartbeat and as long as he kept his heart heartbeat that he was going to be okay. And by the time we left the condo on the way to the emergency room, he did not have a heartbeat. They tried for about 60 minutes to resuscitate [00:14:00] him. And at four 30 on August 12th, 2018, they pronounced him dead.

And so here I am in a new city, I'm standing over my best friend. Wondering, what in the hell am I doing? You're like, what is this? It wasn't real life. It felt like I was in the middle of a movie and I remember they wanted to take his body away. And I said, where are you taking him? They're like, we’re going to clean him up and we're going to bring him back to you.

And I remember how scared I was about that because it didn't seem like I, I walked in fighting for his life and I'm walking out alone, and it seems so. Impossible to think about. And then my brain went another place and it said like, why me? Why did you leave me when he's such a good dad? He was such a good man.

And I kissed him goodbye. I remember, like apologizing to him that I couldn't save him. And I kissed him goodbye. And I said, I don't know how, but I promise you, I'm going [00:15:00] to make a magical life for your daughter. And., I left him then. And I went home, and I went to Barnes and noble actually.

And I got every book that I could think of for bereavement for a child. And I find my way home and I have to tell Reagan that her dad died, and it was horrific. There were months of just waiting for her dad and begging for her dad, while I'm grieving the loss of my best friend as well. And I thought one night in the darkness, I'm sitting in the condo where he had died.

And I thought to myself, how do I escape this nightmare is what it felt like. And I knew that I had to buck up and do something because I had a little girl watching me and she needed me badly to find a way to do exactly what I had promised him to create some type of magic. So a friend of mine said, Ashley, look at that picture of Reagan, he had seen a picture of Reagan dancing with her best friend, Fresno, who is an opposable skeleton.

And he said it is the [00:16:00] weirdest most disturbing picture, but it's also beautiful because he said society tells her she should be terrified of this. Skeleton. And she's two in the picture and he says, she's not scared of him at all. She sees kindness and friendship and excitement. And so he said, you need to step back from what you're doing, because I had really wanted to throw myself back into my job.

That is what I knew I was good at. So I, I said, okay. He said, you need to step back and give yourself a little break. Why don't you write creatively a children's book about this picture? And so I did, I started in, and at night when I would put her to sleep, instead of just sitting in the silence, I started writing and I started seeing colors and feeling this kind of energy again, that I didn't know was possible after the death of Buddy.

And so that was happening. And in the meantime, I'm back at work thinking, this is great. I'm back at work. I know that I'm good at work. This is my safe zone, right? Everything else in my life is falling apart, but [00:17:00] school is my place. So they announced that a tenure track job is open.

When I get back from bereavement leave, I'm like, this is the last promise that Buddy and I had really set out to do together. We wanted a home. We wanted my daughter in this performing arts school, and we wanted this tenure track job. Here it is. I've gotten our home. I got her into the school and this job comes open.

And I had no idea, but a very small group of my colleagues were, had decided that I quote was no longer the woman they fell in love with, and that I wasn't qualified for an entry-level position. And so I did not receive, even the ability to interview for this position and. My other colleagues were shocked.

I was devastated is an understatement. And I remember sitting at the kitchen counter hysterical, saying this is all I had left. This is all I had left was the one thing I knew I was good at. Even motherhood. I had questioned like, why me? This is not the [00:18:00] person you wanted to leave behind. But my job was my definition of who I was.

Yes. And when that felt like it got pulled away, I said who am I? Then I feel lost. Who am I? And that's when the same friend who told me to write. He said, he gave me a couple months, just sit in that. But then finally, when he said, I'm just going to have to call it Ash, you got to stop.

They cost you your career. You were right. But they don't get to define who you are unless you let them. And you're letting them. And so he said, it's up to you to dig deep. You've done it before you got to dig deep, and you've got to rewrite who you want to be because you get to do that. And then I thought, dammit, that is a, it's a very hard task.

This is another task I really have to do for myself. And so I did, I started backtracking and thinking, okay, you cannot. Lose all of the things you've accomplished, that's there. But you definitely have the ability to dream bigger [00:19:00] than you give yourself credit for. And so that's where I said maybe this little children's book, that was a way to heal.

Is a way to thrive and to fulfill a promise. I had made all these promises and I think that was part of when I lost that job opportunity. I felt like I couldn't fulfill that last promise to buddy. And a friend said, Ashley, you fulfilled promises beyond. Measure like beyond what you thought you owed him.

And it was permission to say maybe that promise is gone, but I'm creating all of these promises that an angel really is just rejoicing going. Yes, this is why you were left behind because you're a great mother. You're a great woman. And so I've just had to reposition in my head.

What defines me, what we owe to the people around us. And that's now, I said, maybe I'm going to be an entrepreneur and children's book author. And yes, why not? Because we're allowed to do anything. I tell Reagan that all the time, you can be whatever you want. And yet I really thought all that I was a scholar.

And the thing is I will forever be a scholar. I don't lose [00:20:00] that. But I don't have to only be defined by that. And so I've just given myself permission.

Beth: [00:20:05] Oh, wow. First of all, thank you for sharing that story. And it was difficult to recount that and just being so honest and open. About that there's so much to unpack in all of everything that you've just said that I think from is that you're Amish, you're like on this journey of losses with your babies and your husband, and then this job that you had come to define who you were.  Sometimes when I, speak to some of the clients and people that I work with, sometimes I almost see ask what's the opposite of that.

What's the opposite of lost and not obvious in your art circumstances? That's. Found or to find that thing that is going to illuminate this situation and make it better. And I think that's sometimes a good way of getting our mindset out of those difficult challenges that way we're going through, but that must've just been, that journey of what you've been through just must've been, the strength that you must have needed to get through that period,

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:20:58] I had more strength than [00:21:00] I knew, and that's exactly right. I think that we, think I can't handle anything else. I've said this so many times, and then I go up here, it comes. And the reality is I think you're right. I think it's a mindset. I remember right after he died, lying in bed.

And thinking, okay, my life is no longer the same and I have two options I can shut down or I can fight. And I knew that I had not only his blessing to fight, but he would also have expected nothing less. But then I had a four-year-old who was looking at me to say, what's allowed, what's appropriate. What's our future look like?

And so I made a commitment. You've got to remember, I studied grief loss and trauma. And here I am, and I felt helpless. And so I had to step back and say, what have I done for other families? What do I recommend to other families? And I hope that it was good advice because I need it now. And so I did, I went through the hard steps of repositioning this tragedy in our lives [00:22:00] by things like getting us both professional help.

Making sure that I grieved with Reagan. And independently from her because she needed permission to see what grief looks like. And unfortunately, it's not the nice path that everybody talks about. There are these stages, it's a cluster. It is a mess. And I think it's a lifelong journey. Grief is and society is not used to talking about death.

They're not used to talking about grief. They there's a timeframe. You are allowed to be vulnerable. And then. The old use expected to show back up. And so for me, I said, she's going to see me cry. She's going to see me be angry and she's going to see me laugh. And dream, she's going to see all of it because I want her to know, even if I'm not feeling the exact same thing, she's feeling that I'm a safe place and that while the rest of the world's going to be very uncomfortable with our [00:23:00] story.

That we don't have to be. I met its that same kind of message that the book talks about this dancing with skeletons, right? We're going to dance with everything that is uncomfortable and scary. And once you decide to dance with it, it's not as scary anymore. And so we've really been trying on that journey together, which I think has been a huge blessing.

Beth: [00:23:18] Yeah. And there's something in that kind of that darkness and light and the whole skeleton and young girl dancing, just it's those dichotomies of life but it’s there. And we should be talking about it and we should. Be able to embrace those experiences and share it with other people.

So it's an amazing thing that you're doing with the book. There's always something about this. Normally when I speak to people on the podcast, they’ve had one particular pivot or maybe a series of pivots that have maybe been life choices. But your story seems to be almost like this quick succession of going to make this conscious pivot, I'm going to leave.

This job and move to a new city with my husband and my daughter. Am I going to do this? And then tragedy happens that pushes you down a completely different [00:24:00] path where the different skills and things that were happening to get you through those different transitions.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:24:05] There's power in choice. There's power in choice. But then we do have these life moments where it feels like I didn't not only do I not choose this, but this has destroyed every plan and every hope that I had for my journey, but are there skills, I think. It was trusting here’s the luxury I had when I consciously decided to leave a successful career and start again, it was a choice with a partner and there was so much strength in that because there were times when I first met buddy, I wasn't as confident as.

I appear and I really questioned, what’s my ability, what could I do? And he was the greatest cheerleader. And so there was comfort in having a partner to look at it and say, I can do this. I should do this. And I'm going to do this for my family. And there was a lot [00:25:00] of conscious decisions going into that, but then when he died, I felt more of a helplessness.

I was alone in a lot of the decisions I had to make. Then the career loss, I think a lot of that had to do with uncomfortability around grief and this kind of discomfort where people just aren't comfortable with someone who's the widow now in the room. But those things, it felt like I got stripped and the skill became rebuilding that confidence and.

Learning to treat myself with grace and kindness. Like I treat my child and that sounds silly, but I had been so hard on myself about, you weren't good enough and you weren't valuable enough. And what does that mean? And I had never, before had to really rewrite in my head the truth of what was in front of me, because for so long, things had been.

Either I could bounce it off of my partner or it was going well. The miscarriages were something that, that I did the same. I had to change from thinking that was my fault [00:26:00] or that I had done something wrong to more of, you know what, that's not the correct timing right now. We're going to try again when we get to Texas, we'll try it again.

So I do. I think it was digging deep and being vulnerable and saying, I have to fight to rebuild myself. And that was different than saying, Oh, I have this conscious choice and this empowerment of. Change. I picked to leave the successful career. I was grasping for anything. When I felt like everything I had built had been lost, it wasn't a choice to leave.

It was lost. And yeah, I think it was the kindness and vulnerability and grace for myself, which I still practice, try to practice every day of you're doing the best you can. And what do you want today to look like?

Beth: [00:26:43] And so you, you've got this amazing friend and who was able to, pull you out of that mindset that you're wearing. And I'm aware it's nice to have a friend like that. Sometimes we would just want to hear the truth of the situation and pull us away from a circumstance or a little rabbit hole that way we're heading down.

So [00:27:00] he suggested this idea to you. And you just went with it. You just thought,

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:27:04] Yeah, because remember, I, so I was on my own doing all of this and as much as friends and family were reaching out and phenomenal, I have amazing angels around the country who really dropped everything to fight, to make sure that Reagan and I had a foundation and people to love us, but this friend, there's just something really special about him.

He knew buddy. He loved him. You know what I mean? And there was this idea where he saw in me things I didn't see. And he's so comfortable with grief and loss in his own life and having multiple experiences with public and big time, grief, and loss that he got it. And he was comfortable with moments where we'd go grab a glass of wine and I'd start crying in a wine bar, and he'd like, look at the bartender.

She's fine. And let me just, cry and be mad. And, he let me, People who are grieving, don't always act in his perfect manner or like themselves or these kinds of things. There was never a moment where he like doubted or questioned, [00:28:00] what are you doing or who are you? He just knew he understood the process.

And so I think there was power in that for him to be a support person, because a lot of people don't have that experience. But I also think he saw buddy's death, the loss of this career, all of these things as. Opportunities for me is say, you don't get to be that person anymore. But that also means because you aren't like you're broken at the bottom.

That means any piece you want to put, start building that now, any, anything it's like Lego box. It was like, I was literally just, I had been torn down, whatever I had been as a Lego figure, was completely turned down and put in the box and I got to start with a blank slate of saying now, today, what do I want to build?

And he knew I was capable of things. I didn't know I was capable of. And so once he saw that, that spark of magic with the Fresno book, we started writing a teen ghost novel together and starting to do all of these things. And he's made it a business, [00:29:00] do this. And so it was almost like I needed the permission from someone to say, Ash, you still get to have a beautiful life.

And I had made the promise to make a magical life for Reagan when I kissed buddy goodbye, but I don't think I really understood that. That means I get to have a magical life too. And there was so much. Relief. I think the day, I really remember talking to somebody and saying, I got to create this magical life for Reagan.

And then I said, Ashley, then that requires you to believe you deserve it too. And so since then, I think it's just, it is it's those constant mindset shifts and realizations. It is unlocking all of these magical things that our mind can be this prison for, or it can be this way for us to really dream and get to a place we want to be.

Beth: [00:29:45] Yeah, I really like that. I think whenever things do crumble around us, that is an opportunity to rebuild, like you say, and we don't always get those opportunities. And if you can find the light in that situation and give yourself that permission to rebuild [00:30:00] something. Positive and more amazing than then you have to grab it.

So I'm so pleased that you had that friend, and he was able to do that. So I was going to ask it, at what point did you know that this could turn into a business, but you've said your friend was, that was a guy who said again, there's a business there,

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:30:17] Yeah, I think when I was broken at my lowest, and here I am, it was like compounding losses. And so that last career loss, it just felt, I literally felt rock bottom and I didn't bother to ask can this get worse because I had learned in my past sure it can. Absolutely. But I just remember.

Thinking something has to change because I'm breaking down my mental health, my physical health, grief manifests itself physically as well. And so I was grieving not only the miscarriages, because remember now I don't have the opportunity to fix that scenario. Like my partner's not there, so we're not going to have that second baby.

So I was grieving that I was grieving his death. I was grieving being a single parent I'm grieving this career. And when I [00:31:00] was just that low, I thought, if I'm going to get healthy again, it's not going to be in this environment. Or at least not where my entire identity is tied to this environment. I have to create something new.

And I had told families that. In my research. One of the things you'll always see is that old life is no longer there, but it doesn't mean you stop living or that there's not a new life that's brewing. And so I would constantly encourage families. What's a new tradition. What's a new hobby. What's something new that you get to do that isn't necessarily tied to your lost loved one because.

Someone had said to me, actually, after buddy died, you're not the woman we fell in love with. This was the excuse that was used. That, and I fought that really hard until I had to step back and say, but you're not, you're still all the things that you were, but you're not the same woman.

This tragic event happened, and you're allowed to morph and grow. I grew, I didn't. Become a worst woman. I just grew [00:32:00] as a woman. And so I do think it was, I think it was the permission from a friend and the guidance from a friend, but I also think it was me reminding myself that I didn't have the luxury of the old life I wanted or the future that I had expected.

And so with that, it's saying, okay, then to be healthy and happy. I think you need to redefine what you want and if it's new, then there's freedom. And not having to say buddy's missing from the scenario. You know what I mean? Because he'll forever be this energy in my soul because he changed my life so much, but I also don't want to necessarily keep living in this life where he's missing constantly.

I need to rebuild something that's mine and lets me dream different.

Beth: [00:32:41] Wow. Okay. I normally ask what's this thing that's been calling you throughout all of this time, but I think circumstance will thrust upon you, but also, you've got this rich experience of working with people before all of this happened. So do you feel like there was something leading up to this time in your life when you look back on it?

Cause [00:33:00] it's difficult looking forward, but when you look back, do you see.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:33:02] Oh, this divine path. Yes. There is not a doubt in my mind that the strength I felt when I held a mother's hand, who told me about losing her child or a wife who held my hand and told me about her husband who was killed in her arms. Do you know what I mean? These moments that had already defined my soul.

I think we're setting me up on this path to say, Ash, you've watched people survive the unthinkable. You've seen people find hope and joy. You've seen people rebuild their families and life, and you've seen them do it with such dignity and grace and in spite of right. And because of the trauma. And I think I had the skills that many people don't have to know exactly what to do in these moments. And I relied on the strength I had seen and witnessed. In fact, some of the survivors that I've worked with in the past are still friends of mine. There we communicate, we talk all the [00:34:00] time. And one of the mothers who.

Her son had been killed. She and I had formed a very strong friendship and she was one of the ones who knew exactly when and how to check on me. She knew it and she knew; grief doesn't go away after three months. And that there's moments where she seen me thrive, maybe on social media and she would check in and she said, Hey, I know it looks pretty, but I've been there.

And are you like, are you struggling with anything? Do you want to talk about anything? And it was just very nice to know. That my research, the connections I had made, all of these things, I really do think found me in a place where I had, I don't know, it's this power or this energy that I said, I can do this too.

I can do this too. And then I believe that being a scholar, being a teacher, being an educator, being an advocate. All of that is a very important part of my business model. It's I want little ones now to feel empowered and to feel this self-acceptance and love and inclusion. And so I'm taking [00:35:00] many of the skills that I've had.

Look, even my Barnes and noble background, it's all.

Beth: [00:35:04] thought you've already probably twigged that already.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:35:05] Yeah, that's already there. And so I have the connections with that and then, I, people ask me yeah, a lot here. My dear friends, because I work with some great human, but they're like, do you regret coming here?

Because the promises that were not fulfilled and for the loss of what happened. And I said today, I can look absolutely not. I was exactly where I needed to be with the people I needed to be with. Even the ones that have now broken my heart. They were in my life for a very important reason and were there when I needed the most.

And so I think there's a phase, but I'm glad that, that career brought me here. Cause now I would've never met, my friend who encouraged me, I would have never had the amazing friends and family around me that we've constructed here. And so this is now the home place of my friend Fresno.

And that would have never been something that had happened if I weren’t in this location with the people that were around me.

Beth: [00:35:57] And I think there's something about the [00:36:00] intertwineness of lives. So as well as all of your past experiences helping you to this point is the experiences of the women that you worked with. Who'd lost ones who knew to check in on you. It's like it works both ways and it's this ball of string kind of thing of all the circumstances that you can't really explain, but it just makes sense that something is happening to allow us to play out this path out.

We're

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:36:23] Yeah, it's not just my story. There are so many characters that have been perfectly placed in that story, whether they're from my childhood and stepped up big time, whether they're from each location I've ever been a scholar at, or whether it's my research participants. It's crazy how all of the right.

Characters fell into place.

Beth: [00:36:42] Yeah. Okay. That's mind blowing, isn't it? It's just there. It's just amazing how life unfolds. So one of the things that I like to ask guests is about our superpowers. So I'd love to hear what your superpowers. But then I'd also love to know,  if this is okay with you, what Reagan's superpowers are, what Buddy’s superpowers [00:37:00] were and what Fresno superpowers, because they're all part of your journey.

And I really think it'd be quite special to do something around that today. So

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:37:08] Yeah, my superpowers. I think I am a fighter. I think I don't shut down. I will not stop, so I break, but I'm not broken. And I always say I don't care what life hands at. Me. My feet are going to hit the floor the next day. And I'm. to be ok. And so I think that desire to always find good to always look for a light, even when it's real dark for several days, I will never stop looking for a reason to. Smile. A reason to love a reason to touch somebody else's life and to allow myself to be changed by other people around me. I've always been like that. I've always wanted to connect with people. I've always wanted to make people smile. And I think the older I'm getting the more permission I'm giving myself to be vulnerable, which to many people is viewed as a weakness.

But to me it's been the [00:38:00] most freeing superpower I think is my vulnerability. And. That vulnerability has allowed me to touch people's lives and to be touched in return. So I think people will use that as a weapon for. In many circumstances, but I think I would take the risk of letting it be wielded as a weapon against me because of the beauty that, that vulnerability has allowed me.

And I ha I had a girl just reached out the other day and I had no idea she was watching; podcast talks I had done or any of the things that I was sharing. And she said, you've given me so much light when I didn't think I had it. And I thought that's it. Yeah. That's why we share.

And so I'd say my vulnerability and my fight.

Beth: [00:38:36] I love that. Let's talk about Reagan then since she's amazing. Six-and-a-half-year-old

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:38:42] she's great. She has wisdom is her superpower. She was thrust into a situation. I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy to, to witness and to lose her best friend. And yet she's been this constant kind. Strong resilient, little bean [00:39:00] who always has the right wisdom to give me whether it's been about the loss of her dad.

She'll remind me sometimes I'm sad and she'll put her hand on my heart and she's don't forget mom. And daddy's right here. Daddy's watching us or these kinds of things, but she's also whispered things to me about business or different ideas that I'm going to.

Who are you? She's this 80-year-old woman whispering wisdom to me, she'll say, mom, you've got to give yourself. Grace. It's beautiful because you made it and you've got to be okay with, how beautiful it is and I'm going, because I was crying about the book. Cause it, I, the, one of the colors was off or something.

She's mom, it’s so perfect because you made it and it's beautiful. You've got to trust that. And I went, who are you? So I think she has this ultimate wisdom. And then because of what she's been through, I tell her, I do not minimize the struggle. I let her know. This is unfair. This is hard. This is heavy.

This is really difficult, but I also remind her, don't forget that you will forever be more empathetic, more understanding, and a better human being because of what you've been through. And so I think her [00:40:00] empathy and her wisdom would be her superpower.

Beth: [00:40:03] no bless her. What an amazing little girl. And I think there's so many children are they're so good at getting through they’re so resilient and get us through some difficult situations sometimes. _____

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:40:13] So observant as well. She picks up on everything, even things I don't think, I don't think that she picks up on. And so I think that there's. Beauty in that. And there's humor in that, you know where I say, Oh, I didn't know you were listening. I didn't know that you had understood that.

Beth: [00:40:31] So there's so much wisdom in children and that they are so resilient. I think we don't give them enough credit for how resilient that can be and what the can teachers, I think we should listen out at the mouth of babes. We can

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:40:40] That's exactly right there is there's these, I think people speak through them. It's some really amazing things that come from her that have helped me as well.

Beth: [00:40:48] And then if we're able, could you tell us about Buddy and what his superpowers are?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:40:54] man. He was just an amazing person. It's great. When you talk about superpowers in him, Reagan actually called [00:41:00] him Superman. And so I remember, one of the images that allowed me to find peace was when he passed away in the hospital, instead of the imagery of that last scene, I remember re reframing it and thinking.

He's got the Superman Cape on. He's going to have an, and he's going to watch over us forever. He was the greatest cheerleader in the world. I think there's so much beauty and so on. Who unapologetically loves the people around him? And that was buddy. He, when I first met him, I said, tell me about yourself.

All he talked about was his family and how much he loved them. It wasn't about, he didn't define himself as a career, man. He didn't define himself as the athlete that everybody, he was a college athlete in multiple sports. He didn't define himself like that. Everybody else did. He defined himself as a lover of people and his family.

And when we got paired with him, you could tell his life was his girls. That was it. And it didn't matter what else was going on in his world. [00:42:00] He always knew when he closed that door, he was in his safe space with the girls that he loved. And so he was born to be a dad. He taught me so much about motherhood, about what it meant to believe in myself.

And so I think. His unapologetic, love and commitment to empowering the people in his life was his superpower. And I will forever be grateful for Superman sitting up in heaven. He's still cheering me on when I, when I doubt myself, I think about how proud he is. Of us, both of us and what he would yeah.

What he would want. I will tell you one of the greatest gifts he ever gave me was telling me he wanted me to love and live. And if anything ever happened to him, please do not let my life in. Do you know what I mean? Make sure that I continue to just dream big and love hard and work hard and do these things because he's like you deserve it.

We had our own losses with very close friends, right before he died, his best friend had passed away. And so I [00:43:00] think that had given us insight into. Talking and planning and making sure we gave each other permission for a life after each other. And so now I can almost, it almost feels that was divine as well, because I can just see him sitting up and having to be like, listen, we talked about this.

I want you to really rock and roll. And he will forever be that power inside of me, that energy inside of me, so unapologetic love. And in this ultimate ability to cheerlead, even in the darkest situations was his superpower.

Beth: [00:43:28] wow. He sounds like an amazing man and I'm sure all that wisdom has passed down to Reagan as well. But I think, the lesson that I heard in that as well, and for our listeners is that he didn't define himself by his career. All these societal labels placed upon us and he, he lived for life and love.

And I think we should all do that more. So thank you for sharing that.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:43:50] Yeah, of course. I think I, that's something that has allowed me to do that. It's giving myself the permission of remember Ash, that's not who you were. That's not who you are. It's qualities and great accomplishments you've done, [00:44:00] but that's not right who you are at your core.

Beth: [00:44:03] And then less than let's talk about Fresno. Cause this is probably going out after Christmas, but it's Halloween, in a few days, I would imagine for instance, he's in his element right now is a Halloween around the corner. 

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:44:14] he is so happy, but I'll tell you, Fresno has got a great life, even when it's not Halloween. And the book is this year long, year-round story of friendship, compassion, empathy, inclusion. So definitely not just a Halloween celebration, but Fresno celebrating right now because. He can be out and about, and no one's going to judge him.

And that's the big message in the book, but Fresno superpower. Oh my goodness. One, he was that spark of magic in our lives. He's the one that inspired me alongside his best friend Reagan to actually write. So I would say, he’s got a lot of, inspirational powers that he has, but he's also, I think sensitive and, Able to escape judgment, but it's with the help of Reagan being able to [00:45:00] say it's okay if everybody.

Doesn't celebrate you, or you're not everybody's cup of tea because you're going to be the right groups, cup of tea. And what Fresno discovers along this journey with Reagan is that he's valuable, more valuable than he knew. And that if you keep trying, you don't give up. That you're going to find the place you're supposed to be.

And for him it was alongside his best friend Reagan. So I do think, I think it's that, willingness to continue to put yourself out there and to be, exposed even when you might be judged for it. That's definitely Fresno's, I've learned a lot from him because I think before all of this, I might not have been willing to be as vulnerable.

And yet Fresno, even when made fun of even when non-included, even when you know people are mean to him, he said, I'm going to keep trying, because I want to have the friendship. I want to have a life where I'm loved and happy. And he finds that in Regan.

Beth: [00:45:54] No. And those lessons, I think they apply to all different aspects of life. But I suppose bringing it [00:46:00] back to the listeners for the show, which are, maybe people wanting to start a business pivot in their careers or grow their business. There's something I read some of the things, in the book, new things don't have to be scary.

Our differences make us special and life is better when we're in it together. What an amazing message, not just for children, but I think for anybody who started out on whatever path they're on right now.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:46:20] It's really that ability to dance with the unknown, with the scary and saying it's okay. That it's scary. It's okay. That it's unknown that you feel uncertain, that you're scared. That's normal. And honestly, Fresno, someone said you're Fresno. And I said, am I? And they said, yeah, you were stripped of everything that you were, and you were just this little skeleton.

And then you start to say, okay, then how do I start to navigate my world again? And that's what Fresno does. So you can find yourself in Reagan because we've all been that. Support person, we've all been that person to be kind and supportive, but you can also find yourself in Fresno, this little bean who's starting again and wants to find safety and acceptance and love [00:47:00] and is willing to put himself out there and dance his way through it.

And it's a magical book. My prayer is that it really does give people this launch point to have. Difficult conversations about what scares you, what makes you unique and special and what makes the people who are different around us? Someone to be celebrated and not feared because unfortunately we do look at people who may be aren't the same as far as appearances, religion, sexuality, these different.

Things that set us apart from people. And what it should be doing is allowing us to say, I want to learn from them. I want that color in my life. I want, the richness and artistic abilities and all the things that come from people who aren't exactly like us. And that's the part that I'm really hoping hits home with.

A lot of people are that dance with the people and the things that scare you. And you'll find out that your life is really beautiful.

Beth: [00:47:53] that was quite exciting way to look at it as well. See what happens when we do that? So you're, you are a business now you've got your [00:48:00] books and you've got a bones boutique, and

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:48:03] it is. We opened the bone boutique. Yeah, we, so we did we, so when the book was getting worked on, it's funny because I started in October 2018. You and I are talking right now with October 2020, and the book has just come out. And so it's such a process and labor of love. And in that two years, First, let me shut up about my illustrator because he's amazing.

I got partnered with Zachary Thomas Kincade and he is Thomas Kinkaid nephew. Thomas Kincaid was the painter of light, one of the best-selling American artists of all time and a great artist. Zach is this beast of a visionary. He is just so talented. And when I got paired with him, he said, I'm an artist, not an illustrator.

And I said, I know that which is why I want you, because you'll see, as you open that book, it's just so visually stunning. I think the message is amazing and very impactful, [00:49:00] but it's visually a piece of art. And so I got partnered with him and as the process was taking a long time, I'm not a patient person.

I started thinking, okay, Yeah, God bless. That is not one of my superpowers. But as I was waiting, I started thinking this is opportunity in the wait and in the kind of delays and things like that. This is a point where I can make things happen. And so that's when I developed the plush doll.

And that's when I said, what if some of these illustrations became puzzles and an adult puzzle? And so I started actually creating a brand and ancillary products and all of these things. I wrote books two and three. So in the next year, hopefully you'll see Fresno's first Christmas and Fresno finds his heart coming down the pipeline.

And Zach and I have even partnered and talked about another series that would run with my friend Fresno alongside it. And it is crazy. This was a healing [00:50:00] project. It was a way for me to escape, silence and darkness. And now it really is this kind of injection of. Color opportunity and excitement in my life.

And so I am just so excited about how it's growing. It's starting small, it's one of those things where it's okay. That things start small. I think there's a way to find beauty in that too. The brand is establishing, I'm setting up who we want to be. And so I just cannot wait for your listeners and for people around the world to fall in love with Fresno.

Beth: [00:50:32] God. I'm sure there will. So as a young business now then, so what are you finding is working for you in terms of getting your message out there into the world?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:50:40] I think being so loud that people can't look away, and making sure your brand and, the message that you want to share for me, it's been saying I'm willing to allow my vulnerability to enter into my business. Not everybody uses that. I'm willing to do that because I think this is so much more than just a business endeavor for me.

It is a way to. Create a new [00:51:00] life and to create opportunities and joy for both myself and my little CEO, co-CEO Reagan. And so it's really, it's really been this exciting journey of saying, put yourself out there. Reach out to any groups you think you can, for me, there's a purpose to Fresno.

It's not just the business, there's a purpose of education and, assisting therapist and making sure grief, support groups have access to these materials. And I'm, I want it to have a reach and that, for me, it includes me saying this is how it's helped our life. This is how I think it can help other people's lives and making sure I'm developing the partnerships, really around the globe that can help me do that.

Beth: [00:51:39] How exciting.  It's an amazing journey to be on. And   I think you're right when you're able to just gather that snowball effect of building and really thinking about the brand and really thinking about all the different elements and who you want to support.

I think sometimes as business owners, we want to go from zero to a hundred miles an hour straight away. And actually there's real benefit in that journey of getting it right. You don't want to, make all these mistakes. So I think [00:52:00] it does take time, but I think it should take time if we're going to,

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:52:04] And it's okay. When you do make the mistakes. Yeah. That's right. And you got to give yourself permission to learn and to be able to say, I don't know, at all, asking for help, and expecting the unexpected. There's been so many delays and so many lessons learned and what it is its permission to say, you can try and if it doesn't work, just don't do that again.

It's not, it doesn't have to be so complex that. You feel, you made a mistake now your business is done, right? Everyone makes mistakes. And so it's really a learning process and giving yourself the permission to continue to fight for big things to happen. I used to say there's a lot of should that I should be doing. There's really just a lot of kids that I could be doing. I could be doing X, Y, and Z and whatever I get you today. Great. But we've got years ahead of us to make the real magic.

Beth: [00:52:54] So they show it's all about visualizing you. What do you see next for yourself and Fresno and Reagan in the [00:53:00] future?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:53:00] An ability to celebrate who I've become and not necessarily what I've been. So making sure that I give myself permission to say what's new, what's exciting. What do you really want and value out of life? Again, as a single mom, it's been really difficult to say, can you give up things that are quote, stable and dream?

And I think if I don't do that, then I can't ever look back and say Reagan, remember your mom did that. Your mom tried. And maybe I succeeded and maybe I didn't, but I'm building the confidence and the ability to say you deserve. The magic, you have the ability beyond what you know, so I'm pressed that to give yourself a chance.

And so I hope in the future, there's this moment where I say, I want to be free from what was, and I want to really look forward, fully into what could be.

Beth: [00:53:52] I'm so excited for your future and Reagan journey on this as well. where can people find out more about your books and the work [00:54:00] that you do?

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:54:00] Oh, my goodness. So there's two ways you can follow me. You can follow me as Dr. Ashley mom and the criminologist that's at www.ashleywellman.com or on Twitter at Dr. Ashley Wellman. But the exciting journey of my friend, Fresno is a way for people to really connect with us and join our skeleton crew. At www.my friend, fresno.com.

That's the exclusive place where you can buy the book and then you can also follow our journey on social media at my friend, Fresno.

Beth: [00:54:35] Amazing. And I'll put all of those details in the show notes for today's show. And we've also got a special discount code for anybody who would like to purchase the Fresno book of a pop that in the show notes as well. So thank you so much. For being on the show today, it's been lovely to hear your story, and on what you've been able to achieve out of, adversity.

And I'm sure a lot of listeners will get so much out of today's episode. So thank you for being here.

Dr Ashley Wellman: [00:54:58] Thank you so very much. I [00:55:00] encourage your listeners to dream big and never stop chasing the light. That is always there. Even when it feels really dark in our lives.

 Wasn't that the most amazing interview I am so proud. I think this is one of the proudest episodes I've done to date Ashley's ability to navigate and show resilience. After a series of losses, the loss of her unborn babies, the loss of her jobs, the loss of her husband, the loss of her sense of identity when she was unable to apply for a job was overwhelming and inspiring.

And just so empowering. But that strength to recognize that other people don't get to define you unless you let them. So often we allow people to define who we are, but that's because we have given them our power in any given circumstance, we are able to take, hold of the reins and define ourselves the way that we want to be defined.

I also really loved what Ashley said about. You cannot lose all the things that you have [00:56:00] accomplished. And I think we forget this sometimes just because we lose a job, it does not mean we've lost all of the skills and experiences that came with that. Just because we've lost our husband or our partner or a child or a parent it doesn't mean we've lost the ability to love with the same magnitude as we did when they were here with us on earth. As Ashley puts it, there is power in choice. and, we get to choose every single second, how we live our lives. I really feel like Ashley was the first guest that I've had, who allowed me to have a conversation about that intertwineness of our lives, how people are placed on our path sometimes for a season, but sometimes for a lifetime or their lifetime, but that we are also helping them on their journeys.

It is no coincidence that Ashley worked at Barnes and noble and has got this events and PR background. It's no coincidence that she loved crime and unsolved murder programs, and that she loved to watch them with [00:57:00] her own father when she was a child. And it's no coincidence that Ashley worked with the families of homicide and sexual assault victims, and that she had already experienced this imprint on her soul that was allowing her to have the empathy and strength and resilience to get through her own tragedies.

It's no coincidence that Ashley had a picture of her. Two-year-old daughter dancing with a skeleton and her friend who inspired her to write a book. Her story just illuminates to me even more, how we're all interconnected and how all of these dots on our journey are the sum of where we are heading.

And if you look close enough, there'll be clues to where we are going in the future. It also really resonated with me what Ashley said about breaking and being vulnerable doesn't mean that you are broken. You can still rebuild yourself at any point in time. Wow. This was such an amazing episode. I am so grateful that Ashley was able to come onto the show and share her [00:58:00] story. And how we were able to have such a deep and meaningful conversation Please do go check out the show notes to find out more about Ashley and where you can pick up her wonderful book. The girl who dances with skeletons, my friend Fresno. And if you are experiencing grief loss, sudden death, if you have children who are going through their own losses or as an adult, and you just need that support. Please do go check out the book. I'm sure it will bring you a lot of light and love in a difficult situation until next time.

The post Breaking But Not Broken. Creating a Magical Life After Bereavement. appeared first on Beth Hewitt.