How to Escape Victimhood and Transcend Fear
How to Escape Victimhood and Transcend Fear

Episode #35

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In Episode #35, meet Terri Kozlowski. Proud Native American warrior from the Athabascan Tlinglet Tribe Raven Clan. Terri has journeyed through the pain of child sexual abuse and abandonment on the streets of Alburquerque to rediscovering her true path in life to one filled with joy and love.

In this episode, Terri shares her story of transcending the fear of the egoic mind.

Some of the key takeaways from this episode include:

  • Recognising that busyness in life and business can signify that you are working to hide a pain, trauma, or another issue.
  • How all work experience, including volunteering roles, will provide you will skills and experiences that can be used to further your career down the line.
  • The power of asking yourself, what are you truly getting out of victimhood? Is this state of mind serving you in any way?
  • There are no answers to some of the bad things that happen to us, and searching for the' why' only seeks to hold us in the past and an unresourceful state of mind.
  • That there is only ever now.

More from Terri Kozlowski

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/KozmicSoulSolutions/

Instagram @terrikozlowski  

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/terrikozlowski/  

Twitter @tmkozlowski

Get the Book – Raven Transencing Fear on Amazon.

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[00:00:00] Beth Hewitt: [00:00:00] Hi, everybody. Welcome to episode 35 of the Visualise You I'm your host Beth Hewitt, how are you all doing it's very sunny here in the UK today. I've also got a new car. I think last episode I was telling you about my car woes I got a brand-new car. I love it he's called Vidal, his French. He's a Peugeot. So I'm very pleased with my purchase.

Okay. Moving on. So I just wanted to focus on a couple of things. The first is my membership site visualize and thrive, which will be coming very soon. I will be opening a waitlist for people to get onto that. And I'll tell you more about that in upcoming episodes. I've also been at getting the next round of interviewees ready. And the reason why I wanted to take a little bit of time is I'm going to slightly change the focus of the show. Not very much, you probably won't really notice any difference in terms of the format, but one of the things that has become even more [00:01:00] apparent is this desire in me to tell the stories of people who have not just pivoted.

To start a business, but people who have pivoted away from one thing towards their soul's purpose, their soul's calling to create a spiritual business. So for example, maybe they're a healer, maybe they're into Reiki, meditation affirmations. Maybe they help people have confidence to thrive online, but from a very soul led angle. So you'll probably notice that the people who I interview in the future are really making a success of following their soul's purpose in such a way that they've been able to create a business that is in complete alignment.

So that's all very exciting.

if you are interested in finding out more about the membership, when it does launch and before the wait list is available, you can DM me anytime on Instagram or [00:02:00] Facebook. I am more active on Facebook, but I will get back to you on Instagram.

Now on to today's episode, which is with the wonderful Terri Kozlowski. Now a word of warning before we head into this interview, this episode does touch on child sex, abuse and abandonment. And although we don't go into any of the details. I want to be upfront and just let you know, in case there were any triggers for anyone.

This episode, if you stick with us is more about the transformation is more about that. Transcending the fear and healing from those childhood traumas. A little bit about Terri. She is a proud native American warrior from the Athabascan Tlinglet tribe, Raven clan. She journeyed through the pain of child sexual abuse and utter fear of life after her mother abandoned her at the age of 11 on the streets of Albuquerque.

Okay.

 Rediscovering her true path in life. One of [00:03:00] joy and love Terri has learned to transcend the fear that our egoic mind often brings to the forefront of our lives.

 Terri is successful. Soul and life coach whose mission is to inspire others to master their own fears. Her newly released book. Raven transcending fear is Terri's memoir of overcoming the sexual abuse, abandonment and discovering her authentic self. In her truly amazing story. And I leave all of the links as to where you can get Terri's book in the show notes.

So Terri, was a stay-at-home mother until 911 hit, and her husband lost his job in the airline industry. So she went into the corporate environment needing to work. And in less than 10 years, you worked herself up from an executive assistant to vice president of operations.

Like me, Terri has a bachelor's degree in social sciences and she's also a [00:04:00] student of. The course in miracles. And I absolutely love those teachings and that book. She received a certification in life coaching and has been successfully blogging. Lots of similarities. She now hosts the soul solutions podcast, where she shares her journey and Other candid conversations about overcoming fear and limiting beliefs with other authentic people who have successfully overcome their own negative thought patterns. I was so excited to get into this interview and to share it with you. Let's head over to the interview. [00:05:00]

Welcome everybody to another episode of the visualize at you show I'm joined today by Terri Kozlowski hi Terri. Thank you for being on the show.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:05:30] Hi, Beth. It's great to be here.

Beth Hewitt: [00:05:32] I'm so excited too. You share with our listeners your story. I have spent the weekend actually reading your book. Normally I'm an audio book girl.

I normally listen to books, but I really spent the time actually turning the pages of your book this weekend and getting into the book. So that was a new experience for me. I haven't done that for a while, I normally start. The show by asking my guests a little bit about their career journey, so where they started out to where they are [00:06:00] now.

But as I was reading your story and I feel like we're a little bit kindred spirits in terms of the soul solopreneur. Aspect in that I feel my career started when I was little, when I was born, almost like the experiences I had when I was little, have led me to who I am today. And I feel that's definitely true of yourself as well after reading your story.

Start your career journey wherever you want to start it. But I'd welcome you to share whatever feels right for you.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:06:26] Okay. My career journey really is just. A bunch of stuff that I allowed the egoic mind to pull me into, to keep everybody in my life happy, but Terri wasn't happy. So I didn't actually begin working until I was out of high school and in college and the first Christmas, I got a job at KB toys, which is a toy store here in the US that I think is now out of business.

And the reason I got the job is because I was told I was being [00:07:00] lazy. And part of that laziness was the fact that I had gone through a massive trauma when I was 11 and I pretty much stayed to myself. So I had been sexually abused as a child, and then physically abandoned on the streets of a large city in New Mexico at the age of 11.

And my mother had done all this damage to me, and I had spent then the next five years of my life in therapy, trying to figure out what happened and try to incorporate all of that into my mindset, which wasn't going to be damaging because I knew. What occurred was bad. I knew what occurred would have lasting effects, but at the same time at 11, you don't know how to process any of that.

It's not meant for an adult to process let alone a child. So I pretty much stayed to myself. And because of that, I didn't get a job until I was in college. I was [00:08:00] taking. 18 credit hours. And most people only are allowed to take 12 credit hours in college. And I took 18 plus I was working at KB toys after that Christmas, I. moved to Sears and Roebuck, which also isn't doing well anymore. Moved to Sears and Roebuck, and I was working 35 hours a week and taking 18 credit hours. And I did that for three years straight. And in three years I graduated college. So laziness became something that was not synonymous with what I did with my time, because of that one comment, one person made to me about me not having a job.

Beth Hewitt: [00:08:41] That's really interesting. And as I was reading your book, there were times when you were describing your career and how busy you were as an individual as well. The complete opposite of being lazy. So was that busy-ness later on in your career? Was that part of a coping mechanism as well?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:08:57] Absolutely. One of the things that happened [00:09:00] when you are trying to deal with trauma is that your egoic mind doesn't want you to, your ego, wants to allow you to be okay. And to be okay, means that you are living in the future. And as well as being busy, when you are busy, you can't get quiet. You can't go in inside yourself and figure out what is going on, feel the feelings you're supposed to feel and then release them because you're too busy.

And so for me, staying busy was very much synonymous with not dealing with my issues. And I stayed busy as a stay-at-home mom because after I had left. College. I got a job as a chiropractic assistant. And from there I got pregnant, and it wasn't a planned pregnancy. I was taking the pill. So my son was a little bit of a surprise and I also.

Quit that job. It was a full-time [00:10:00] job and stayed home to raise him. So I was home for 14 years of his life. And in that time period, although I didn't have a job per se, that paid me money, I volunteered. And when you volunteer. You find out that there's all kinds of things that can take up your time.

So I became heavily involved in Cub Scouts and then boy Scouts. And during all of that time, one thing stay at home mothers don't realize is when you do those volunteer your jobs, you're still building your skillset. And I built a lot of skillsets through the volunteer organizations that I was involved in, but I stayed busy.

And when I say I stayed busy, my son would go off to school and I would start my day by doing all the things I needed to do for the lower Cub scout pack. But I also had my own Cub scout den. Then I became the Cub scout day camp director for all of Southern Indiana. So when all is said and done, I [00:11:00] kept taking on roles. So that I would not deal with any of the issues that I had and it's a coping mechanism. We all do it at some level. And although I never consider myself a workaholic looking back, that's exactly what it was I was working so that I could avoid dealing with the problems. And that's what any holics are, whether it's through work or alcohol or drugs, any of that food, any of that is about not dealing with your issues.

Beth Hewitt: [00:11:29] And so today, now that you've got a more focused intentional. Path that you're on. Do you still find yourself working busy or do you feel like that's, you've let that go with the work that you've been able to do?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:11:41] I believe I've let that go because what happens now is I start my day with the first hour is Terri time and I meditate. I journal. I say affirmations. I have my quiet time. And in that quiet time, one of the things that I do is I say some mantras and one of my [00:12:00] mantras is that I am a master of time. I'm in a constant flow state and everything that I accomplished today is all I'm supposed to accomplish.

So at the end of the day, if I didn't get my to-do list done, it wasn't meant to be. And I'm okay with that.

Beth Hewitt: [00:12:16] I love that because I'm always busy. I've never called myself a workaholic, but I think on some level I probably am. So now I was thinking, what is it that I'm avoiding? Is there something there?

I also love what you said about master of time.

I think that's, I love affirmations myself and doing those and having mantra. So that's definitely something that I will take on board because I feel like I could be doing less. Certainly.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:12:40] Part of that is. If you are passionate about what you're doing. And I just wrote an article on this, and it'll be coming up in a future podcast, but one of the things about understanding your passion and your skillset is when your skillset and your passion collide, that is your soul's work. [00:13:00] That is your purpose for being here.

And when you were doing what your soul desires, it's not work. It's

Beth Hewitt: [00:13:07] it, yeah, it feels joyful. So maybe I'm just like totally in my flow and that I've found my kind of thing.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:13:14] exactly. Because a lot of people, I still work in corporate in the corporate world. I work three days a week. Yeah.

30 hours. I'm there for 10 hours each day. So I'm spending, I'm still doing that, but the other four days that I'm home, I'm doing my passion work and I'm, I don't feel that I'm working.

It's the, do I have a, to do list? Yes. Because for me to be able to write a book and do a podcast and write a blog every week there's work to be done, but I enjoy it. It flows from me. And because of that, I don't feel tired about it. I don't feel frustrated. All of those negative things that we feel about our jobs doesn't occur when I'm doing my passion [00:14:00] work.

And if that's not happening, if you're passionate about what you're doing and continue in the flow, because the universe will tell you Terri, you need to rest. And there, there are times where I just know, okay, I'm done. I need to go and rest for a while.

Beth Hewitt: [00:14:16] that's so true. I think I jumped from Career and job to job because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. So now it's okay for me to do that full steam ahead. So normally I ask can you explain to our listeners when you knew. That change needed to happen for you, that pivot that happened within your career.

But I suppose the pivot that we're talking about here is the work that you maybe did on yourself to put you on this path and to go from, this, victim hood to survivor mentality.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:14:46] That occurred. When I was in college, I had a friend tell me that I enjoyed being a victim, and I got very angry because who is he to tell me anything about my victimhood. [00:15:00] And, but something struck me about what he said, and I sat with it for a while and I realized, okay, what am I getting out of staying a victim?

And the thing I was getting out of it was people were leaving me alone. When you have a trauma and people know about your trauma, they are very cautious with you. They don't want to cause you to trigger. They want to make sure you're okay. So they leave you alone. And I was okay with being left alone because that's what I wanted. But there's a better way to let people know that I want to be left alone and staying in victimhood also meant that everything that happened to me, I could blame on the trauma, and I was giving away my power by doing that. So when I made the switch from, okay, now I'm a survivor. And what does that mean for me? Being a survivor means two things.

Number one, I can't blame any more on my trauma. Of the choices I make [00:16:00] today, whatever choices I make, had nothing to do with my mother, whatever choices I make, had nothing to do with the trauma, the choices I made today, I make of my own free will. Therefore, if I mess up, it's my fault. I can't blame others.

I can't blame the past. And making that shift also empowered me to realize I had an innate power to choose how my life was going to go. And most people don't realize that the amount of power we innately have just by the choices we make.

Beth Hewitt: [00:16:31] yeah. I try to look at life that way of, when challenges or traumas or things happen, that there's a reason for that happening. And how can we see they seen it from a positive point of view, but it is hard for some people to, to relinquish that I suppose there is some there's like a blanket in being able to act the victim, there's some power in that a little bit, but the true power comes from relinquishing that.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:16:57] A part of that is that we, the [00:17:00] egoic mind screams at us. And what we don't realize the ego has a purpose and we have to accept its purpose. The ego's purpose is to tell us, hey, this could be dangerous. It used to be, hey, there was a bear in the forest. You need to pay attention.

But now in today's society, we don't have that type of thing, but the ego still needs to do its job. So what the ego is doing, for example, with me was the three men that raped me when I was 11 were Hispanic men. So every time I saw Hispanic people, especially Hispanic men, my ego was saying, hey, there's Hispanic men there be afraid.

We need to go in a different direction. And over time I started working with Hispanic men and found out they were very nice people and I've had more positive experience, then negative experiences with Hispanic men. So even though today, If I see a group of Hispanic men walking down the [00:18:00] street, my ego will say, hey, and I have to remind my ego.

Yes, thank you for the reminder. But I've had more positive experiences. then negative experience I can dismiss this fear that you have. And as soon as you do that, you will calm down and you won't have that angst in your system anymore. So when we accept the egoic. Mind as doing what it's supposed to do, we can dismiss it.

We can have rational conversations with it and dismiss those things. But in order to do that, we have to number one, be aware of it. And number two, the only way to really become aware of it is you have to get quiet. You have to have that alone time. You have to go within and connect with spirit. You have to be able to connect with your soul.

And hear its whispers because it whispers it doesn't jump up and down the way the ego does. It's not loud and obnoxious. It's quiet. It's unassuming. And you have to make a general. [00:19:00] Commitment each day to connect with that part of you. And when you do, you will find that most of your day will go much easier than had you not spent that.

five minutes, 10 minutes each morning.

Beth Hewitt: [00:19:10] So that initial pivot point, where it set you on that path of changing that view, what happened next, it's a lot of work I suppose it doesn't happen overnight that transformation. So what happened in those transitioning years?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:19:23] part of what happened is in this book, I talk about a thorny blanket and when we have traumas of any kind, we wrap ourselves in a little cocoon and try to say stay safe. But what we don't realize is that, especially for childhood trauma, that there are self-defense mechanisms that we took on after the trauma that are now harming us.

And a lot of times, just in general, it's those things that we must unlearn that we were taught. So in the book, I talk about the fact that I was myself. I was authentically me for the first 10 years of my life. The next 10 years of my [00:20:00] life, I was domesticated. I was traumatized. And then I had peer pressure to conform, to be what society wanted me to Be girl. Be quiet. don’t be seen, don't be obnoxious, be quiet, be feminine. All those things that we are told as teenage girls to be, then I spend the next 20 years of my life trying to figure out why I was miserable. What was the issue? Why was I still broken? And then the next 10 years?

of my life was like, oh, that's because I hid away my authentic self.

I was wearing masks and putting armor on. And when I decided to take off the thorny blanket, what ended up happening is I took it off in stages. I took a little bit off. And what happens is those defenses mechanisms are little thorns that stick in us. And when we take those off, we have to heal.

And healing it's painful because when you heal a cut on your finger, it tingles as [00:21:00] it's healing it scabs over. And then the scab falls off. So there's sensation and feeling that occurs. And we don't realize that same kind of thing occurs when we're doing any type of emotional and mental healing. So we take the thorny blanket off.

We have oozes and festering, and the pain starts bothering us and its unfamiliar pain. So we put the thorny blanket back on because we know what that pain feels like. We're okay with that pain. After a while the thorny blanket just got too heavy, and I knew it was hindering any growth I was supposed to be having.

So I ripped it off like a band-aid and in doing so there was a lot of festering and oozing and drama that ended up coming out of that because I didn't know what all these emotions were when you can't name what you're feeling. It becomes very difficult to try to move through those feelings. I went through that period of time of [00:22:00] unnerving and when things started healing and the main thing that had to heal was, I had to be able to forgive my mother.

I had to be able to forgive all the things that she had done to cause the trauma, but also that. In her entire lifetime and in mine, we were not ever able to be and have that mother daughter relationship. She was never the mother I needed to have. And I had to let go of the fact that she could never be that for me.

And that's very difficult to do because we all want reconciliation. We all want to think that we have the happy ending and. I struggled with the question. Why did this happen? Why could she never choose me over the drugs and alcohol, and I never got the answer. And that's part of the thing that the ego uses to hold us in trauma is the why, because the reality is even if she could come up with an answer. It never would have justified what had [00:23:00] happened. And that's what, in reality, what it comes down to. Is there any justification for a mother allowing her child to be sexually molested and then abandoned on the streets? Is there any justification for it? And there isn't and because there, isn't trying to search for a, why is the ego keeping me stuck in the past?

It's keeping me in a depressive state. And that's what depression is when you are stuck in the past. And fearful of the past anxiety is the opposite. Anxiety is fear of the future and living in the future and scared of being in the, of what's going to happen in the future. So the only way for you not to be fearful is to be in the present moment.

And the present moment everything is okay.

And the present moment, I know that I'm safe in the present moment. I know I'm having a lovely conversation with Beth, and everything is fabulous in the world. so being present is how we overcome the anxiety, how we overcome the depression and how we become [00:24:00] present and content.

 Beth Hewitt: [00:24:46] And so for anybody who is struggling to stay in the present, does this come back to your Terri time in the morning? Are those the kind of things that you would say to start to be more present on a daily basis?

[00:25:00] Terri Kozlowski: [00:24:59] one of the things that people have a harder time?

with once they get. Journaling or meditating or doing mantras. All of that is something that we put into practice to keep us focused but getting to that place can be difficult. And I spent, almost four years trying to meditate. And was very frustrated with me.

I'm like, why can't I do this? I'm just supposed to sit here and be, oh, but the reality was my mind. My egoic mind just kept running through tapes and messages and to do lists and it took me. yeah.

I kept trying, I didn't give up, but it took me going to yoga six months into yoga. I realized that during Shavasana, which is a corpse pose at the end of any type of yoga, my mind stopped. And I realized, oh my gosh, this is meditation. This is what it's supposed to be when there's nothing in your mind, you're just being, and now I can do it. [00:26:00] Anytime anywhere I can get myself to that place, but it's when you don't know what it is, it's hard to get there. And I think part of it was, you do 45 minutes of yoga or whatever you're tired.

And that time where you're resting and because I am not one to ever take naps during the day, I'm not going to be the one to fall asleep and Shavasana. I'm going to be the one that is thinking of the to-do list that she's supposed to be doing on her way home. So when I realized that what was happening, it was very beneficial.

The other thing is there is a physical reaction our body has when we breathe. So if you take a deep breath in hold, And release to the count of five. You do those three times, your Autonomic nervous system actually takes effect, and you physically calm down naturally. It's. All natural and you can do it anytime.

That's where you talk about people taking, pause and take a deep breath [00:27:00] before you speak, because you're calming yourself. And when you calm yourself, you become clear, and you also give your soul a chance to whisper to you. The next best thing

Beth Hewitt: [00:27:10] I'm glad what you said about meditation, because I think some people do struggle with finding what works. I first experienced meditation when I was about 10. When I stole my mom's meditation tapes and I would listen to it on my little tape deck, and I experienced like what I call the gap.

So that bit between your thoughts where you don't actually know you're there until you've come back out. The other side, you go, oh, where was I? And so I was chasing that feeling like all growing up because I couldn't get back there. And so it took me on a journey to find out what works best for me to get back to that place.

So I was fortunate that I experienced it when I was a child, but at the same time, I didn't really understand kind of the mechanics of how that was all working. So I think, yeah, I think it's finding what works for you and if it's yoga great. If it's in the morning, if it's in the evening, if it's in the middle of [00:28:00] the day, then I think.

That's when it will be. And I think it's just, like you say, just keep trying and finding out what works for you. tell us a little bit about the work that you do now. And actually how going through this transformation at what point did you realize actually there's a business in here and actually I want to be helping people to get through their own traumas and experiences.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:28:22] well, interestingly enough, after I was the stay-at-home mom for 14 years, 911 occurred and. My husband lost his job. So I ended up having to find work and going back into the workforce after not being there, was a little difficult. So I got hired at a medical device company as a floater. And I have been there now for 15 years, and I started out as a floater.

I'm currently vice president of operations. So all the skills that I had. Previously I've been able to hone and use in a business environment. And I had [00:29:00] always been asked if I was ever going to write my story. And it was always no, not just a little, no big, no. I was not doing it. in 2018 I got pregnant with the book and in nine months I wrote the book.

I actually got the title, and I wrote a poem. And I'm like, okay.

This is the book. And I started writing nine months. I had the first draft done. I went through some rounds of edits. And then in October of last year I signed a traditional book contract, and the book was released February 12th and Raven Transcending Fear is my story of going through my trauma and transcending the fear and becoming authentically me and through the process of writing the book, I'm one of those people that I have to know, things I have to understand what I'm getting myself [00:30:00] into. So in order to write a book, I needed to understand what the publishing world was like and in doing so I discovered that. I had to have what was called a writer's platform, which meant that I needed to have a website and post on blog every week.

And so I started doing that. And when I started taking the course on how to do a website, seven days later, I had a website up and running. And since January 1st of 2019, I've been blogging every week. And so I'm doing all of that while I'm writing the book. I am realizing that this is where I light up. I thrive in doing this and this is what I need to be.

So I started looking at how I could monetize, how I could transition out of my. Nine to five into doing the soul coaching. Full-time so that's the process I'm in. I'm [00:31:00] not totally there yet. Because I still do the corporate, but I am in the process of transitioning out and then in, August of last year, I started solo solutions podcast, which is how Beth and I met, in the pod casting course.

And through that, I increased the platform and made the platform larger. And then I've started a YouTube channel. So all of this is just. The universe opens up when you are open to really pursuing your passion and place of service to others, the Universe opened up all kinds of capabilities, all kinds of possibilities, because the universe is limitless.

And the only limits we have is what we place on ourselves.

Beth Hewitt: [00:31:45] Yeah, I love that. I love that you've got a blog and the podcast and the YouTube channel. I love blogging and then I used to blog all the time and I think I need to go back to doing that cause I love to write, but I don't know how you fit in the YouTube in as well.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:31:56] It's really, truly, I write [00:32:00] one piece of content. Just one. I write a blog post that blog post becomes a script for the podcast, which I also video for the YouTube channel. And then I take that and create quotes out of it, audio grams out of it. So I end up, I think I've, I wrote it all out that I ended up with like almost 70 pieces of content from writing.

Beth Hewitt: [00:32:22] it's crazy. Isn't it? Yeah. Now you can repurpose that. That's great. So in terms of, some of the skills and experiences that cause as we're talking about, I suppose what you do today, that you've amassed over this journey, and you've talked about different when you're doing your volunteering and the work that you do now.

I like to call them superpowers. Cause I think we don't celebrate ourselves enough, but what would you say are your main superpowers?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:32:46] my main superpower is being able to give an alternate perspective to people about their stories. So being able to say somebody tell me their story. And they show me the [00:33:00] negative aspect to it. I can show them the positive aspect to it, and I can do it very easily. So being able to show a different perspective to something that you've always thought as a negative, for example, my family knows that I'm a control freak. I am. Everything is in its place. Everything has at home and when it's not in its place, it upsets me. But when I got hired on at my company, all they saw was I was extremely well organized, and I could find things that they lost. So even though my family thinks that it's a negative, my workplace thinks it's a positive.

So being able to see that those character flaws that we think we have are actually can be really good in. A different setting and it's being able to see how also those things that are good in a corporate setting. For example, I learned a lot of legalese, and I can write a contract, but talking to my husband, he doesn't want me to use [00:34:00] 8,000 words to say something that only needs three sentences, but I can do that.

So you have to learn where to use those different skill sets properly.

Beth Hewitt: [00:34:09] I think that's so true. First of all, being able to reframe. A negative experience for someone to have positive thoughts. That's an amazing superpower to have, but I think you're right about, we have the skills and experiences and just because they don't fit into one corner of our life doesn't mean that we can't use it somewhere else if, especially if we're really passionate and we're really at it. seems a shame to, to hide those from the world. If you had to identify one main life lesson, which may be harder. I think choosing one life lesson is sometimes hard, but you've learned during your highest and lowest times of your career and your business journey today, what would you say that was and why?

Okay.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:34:45] really learning how to reframe the self-talk. Because the ego is so loud and obnoxious learning how to take what the ego says and reframe it and come up with different words for inner self-talk is very vital for us to be able, [00:35:00] not only to overcome any traumas, but also to overcome any missteps.

I don't talk about failures. I don't talk about, falling flat on our face I talk about its missteps because ultimately, if we take a misstep, all that means is that we have a lesson that we needed to learn. There wasn't any mistake. There wasn't any fault. It was just that we had a lesson we needed to learn.

So in our missteps, we learn a lesson and then we continue forward because even a misstep is still moving us forward. We're not going backwards. The only way we go backwards is, if we consciously choose to stay and live in the past, and then you're depressed anyway, you're not going to be moving forward.

Beth Hewitt: [00:35:38] do you believe that these missteps or similar missteps will continue to present themselves? If we don't. She was to take that lesson.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:35:49] absolutely. Absolutely. We are meant to; we're meant to learn certain lessons. And if we don't learn them easily, we will learn them. [00:36:00] Harder. So that little pebble that you tripped over becomes a bigger stone, then becomes a bold and then becomes the mountain. So we can learn lessons through joy, or we can learn lessons through pain.

Most of us, for some reason, choose to learn lessons through pain and in doing so, we miss out on the opportunity to learn things quicker. So we need, if we look at everything that is occurring, okay, what can I learn from this? And we take some little lesson from it. The likelihood is that we don't have to learn a bigger lesson, a harder lesson later.

Beth Hewitt: [00:36:34] When I was setting up this podcast, you remember we had to do like our 10 commandments. It was called wasn't it like the vision of values that we would have for our show. And one of them was for me, was not to. Have this victim mentality that the stories I share would not focus on that, but they would focus on learning those lessons and not stick it in that victim mentality for too long. Anyway. I'm interested to ask you this question. What has been that thing that's [00:37:00] been really calling you?

And do you feel like things that your child has been some kind of golden thread throughout your life that has been leading you to this place right now?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:37:10] The, Raven and the title, Raven transcending fear is. Really about the fact that my native American tribe is Athabaskan Tliglet, Raven clan. The clan is the immediate family. So the Raven in Tlignlet, it is the bringer of light and what helps humanity learn to be one with the earth? So in my research, In high school, about the Raven.

I learned an awful lot about Norse mythology and how in Greek mythology, it's also about being able to be the spirit. The Raven is between the spirit world and the earth. And it's the bridge.

But the other aspect to it, like in the Bible, the Raven [00:38:00] is so resourceful that when Noah actually releases the Raven first, not the dove and releases the Raven and the Raven never comes back because the Raven is so resourceful.

It's about bounty in the Bible. The Raven is a symbolism of abundance. So in doing all this research, the Raven ended up becoming very symbolic to me in transformation. And in realizing that from the time I was born, I was part of this magical Raven clan. And everybody can be a part of the magical Raven plan because we all have.

That story, we all have that hero's journey that we're supposed to be on. And I know that my job is to help people transcend their fear and take their own personal spiritual journey.

Beth Hewitt: [00:38:49] Wow. And I think you said in your book about the Raven sometimes symbolizing this almost like the dark or the death, all the darkness, and people do have that [00:39:00] connotation where they do that for some reason. But I think it's a really beautiful symbolic, a symbol of the journey that you've been on and even thinking about, what's been calling you in this lifetime, you can see how that transcends into, the native American tribes prior to you being here as well.

So I'm moving back to today. And as entrepreneurs, we all have a platform of choice, a particular strategy that is helping to share who we are with the world. You've mentioned, you've got three different, platforms, I suppose right now with your blogging podcasts and YouTube, but what's working for you right now in terms of getting your message and story out there.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:39:37] I would really say it's my blog, because for me, writing is where I thrive. That is one of my superpowers is I can tell a story and I can bring it together so that it is concise. And that when you're done reading, you have usable things that you can put into practice. And so therefore I think that the [00:40:00] blog for me is the most important channel for me to use.

The others are ancillary and feed off of that. And I am seeing growth in all the areas and all, even the social media platforms, I'm seeing growth in all of them, but I think it's all based on the fact that I write that one piece of content.

Beth Hewitt: [00:40:20] Yeah, I think you've reminded me that I should maybe go back to. Blogging. And I think I've put everything into podcasting, but actually my superpowers is also in writing. And I think, I could use something similar to you in terms of creating scripts and doing that. So that's a reminder to me as well as our listeners today.

So the show is obviously called visualize you, what do you visualize for yourself in the future? Yeah.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:40:44] I see myself that, leaving corporate, sooner than I think, and I see myself really. Homing in on providing people other ways to transcend their own fears, through courses, online courses, webinars. And I think that. [00:41:00] Everybody has their own trauma story. Everybody has their own fear set.

Everybody has their own limiting beliefs and being able to find a way to transcend them is part of the journey that we are all here on. And I think everybody can do it. And I certainly, a lot of people read my story and are amazed that I was able to do it, but if I can do it, so can you.

Beth Hewitt: [00:41:25] I love that. And people certainly can do that. I loved how. Just from the beginning of your story, you talked about being this independent little girl and, you went off into the world and I thought that was, a really great intro to that, to the book and everything. So thank you for sharing your story today.

Where can people find out more about you and where can they find the book?

Terri Kozlowski: [00:41:46] You can find me at TerriKozlowski.com. The book can be found on Amazon, where you can go to raventranscendingfear.com and there's a link there. And my podcast is soul solutions, podcast.com and it's everywhere.

[00:42:00] Beth Hewitt: [00:42:00] fabulous. I put all the links in today's show notes. So thank you very much for joining us today, Terri.

Terri Kozlowski: [00:42:05] Thank you very much, Beth. I had a good time.

Beth Hewitt: [00:42:07] Everybody. How amazing was that interview? How amazing is Terri's an interviewee? And sharing her story. So a couple of nuggets that I got from today's episode, the first was around. This idea of using busy-ness as a coping mechanism and being able to understand the difference between being busy for the sake of being busy and using it as an addiction to cover whatever you're not dealing with.

And. The flip side, which is when you are truly in flow, when you are truly following your passion and your joy, and it just becomes so easy, there's no resistance and you enjoy the activity of creating. I never really looked at what I do personally in that way. And I was really really keen to understand the differences between being busy [00:43:00] and hiding something or repressing something or trying to block out something and being busy because you love what you do.

I love how resilient Terri has been throughout her whole of her life and how she sees the positives in everything. There's something that I try to live too. And I also try to bring out in other people as well, especially when they can't see the positivity for themselves. I love how she talks about when she was a stay-at-home mom but did the volunteering and all of those skills that she amassed over that period of time.

She is able to channel into an amazing career and now has an amazing business where she's able to follow those passions further. So if you were a stay-at-home mom right now. There is a lot to be sad for all of the amazing work that you're doing, both in the home or volunteering, or in some other aspect of your life. And you can use all of those skills, certainly to channel into creating something that you passionately love, whether it's a business or a hobby, or [00:44:00] whatever.

 I loved, what Terri said about asking ourselves, what are we getting out of staying in victim mode, in a victim mentality. I think it's easy to stay there for a long period of time, because we may be angry. We may be resentful. We are hurt, but sometimes like Terri says, there just isn't an answer as to why something has happened to us.

That doesn't necessarily need to be an answer to the issue. There is never a real response to something so tragic and.

and whilst ever we are searching for the answer. We are held stuck in that place of victim hood and in that egoic state. And that's our way of our ego trying to protect us. But all it really does is keeps us. In a place that is unresourceful

 And, understanding that the egoic mind has its job to do. Yeah, it has its place in our journey, but you can tell it a different story. [00:45:00] You get to choose how you listen to it and interpret it and live your life as a result of it.

. It was also the first time that I think I had heard anybody explain depression and anxiety in such a way that depression is about being stuck in the past or in past patterns. And anxiety is about the fear of the future of about doing something in the future. And that the only way to get rid of being stuck in the past or in the future in terms of anxiety, is to see yourself in the present and to be in the now.

so I hope you have enjoyed this episode, please tune in for upcoming episodes. I've got some new interviewees scheduled in if you're listening to this episode, at some point in the future, you will probably be able to find the waitlist for my membership, visualize and thrive in the notes section.

And I look forward to sharing another podcast episode with [00:46:00] you very soon.

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